


Goodnight Moon

by Dinahdog



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcoholism, Depression, Homophobia, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Star-crossed, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:43:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1972791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dinahdog/pseuds/Dinahdog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei has convinced himself that he's content eating alone at lunch. He focuses on logical things, mathematics and equations.<br/> Friendships and love are just trouble, until an oddly familiar boy pops into his life and asks him to join the swim team. Before long, Rei finds himself immersed into the bright, shining boy, gaining new friends and falling deeply in love with him. But tragic dreams seem to be delivering an omen, and Rei fights the feeling that the person most important in his life, is only here for a short time.<br/>Inspired by the song "Goodnight Moon" by Go Radio</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and thank you for checking out my fic!! A few warnings, notes, etc.  
> -This is an angst fic and it's gonna end sad as fuck  
> -Major character death  
> -Mentions of depression, alcoholism, underage drinking, homophobia, and violence (all in the last few chapters)  
> -NSFW chapters
> 
> If you see any mistakes, please tell me! I don't do beta readers and I basically run each chapter through a spell check and then read it over myself for other mistakes or just anything that sounds weird and needs to be fixed. Some things may not be 100% accurate to Japanese culture, but I did my best and looked up stuff when I needed to. Do not be afraid to give me feedback, I totally crave that stuff!
> 
> Cool, thanks, enjoy ^u^

_Bar height: 4.20 meters. Set takeoff speed to z. Set acceleration to a._

Rei took in a deep breath. His fingers coiled around the pole in his hands. He was focused.

_Gravity is g. If the center of gravity after taking in pole length is h, then the angle of approach..._

He sprinted forward, aiming the pole at just the right spot. He could feel the the air brush by him as he flung himself up and over the bar. He had calculated perfectly. He imagined himself there, in that moment. Like a photograph from an Olympic magazine, he could only imagine how beautiful it must be. He landed on his back, always the ugliest part of the routine. As he stood up, he could hear his coach applaud.

"Nicely done, Ryuugazaki! That form was magnificent," the coach bellowed. Rei beamed back at him.

"Th-thank you, sensai!" he replied.

"Now, lets see you you do it again!"

"Yes! Of course!"

That was the best run Rei did that year. Not that he spent much time improving after that.

* * *

 

"Hey, you there! Interested in joining the swim club?" A cheerful voice said from below. Rei wasn't paying any attention as he walked down the hall. The voice was familiar to him though. Probably someone from his class.

"I've already decided to join the track team," he responded, fixing his glasses. He barely even looked at the person asking before walking away. They didn't seem too bothered by the rejection though and moved on. Rei unclipped his backpack straps and reached into his bag for his notebooks. Everything was perfectly organized to his liking and he smiled slightly to himself. Organization made him feel calm. The bell soon rang and a few more people shuffled into class. Rei looked over his homework again, despite having checked it twice last night. The teacher took attendance, calling out each person's name before class began.

At lunch, Rei sat alone to eat and study in silence. He never minded eating by himself. Sitting with a large group of loud, rowdy teenagers wasn't beautiful, anyhow. It was nice outside, if not a little chilly. The cherry blossom trees were coming into full bloom and a few leaves would fall here and there. He heard someone laugh obnoxiously a little ways away from where he sat and he looked back at the group of friends as they entered the school building. But Rei convinced himself he liked eating alone.

After school, he went straight to track practice. He watched a few people go before him, coach criticizing their faults and praising their successes. Rei stepped up to the starting line, stretching his arms before picking up his pole. He breathed out.

_Bar height: 4.20 meters..._

When he landed down on the bar, he could feel the sting of disappointment in his chest. Why wasn't he improving? The coach came over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Ryuugazaki. Just keep trying and I'm sure you'll get it. What is it you're thinking before you jump, anyway? You always look so tense," he asked.

"Well, I usually calculate the exact speed and angle at which I need to approach the jump to achieve the most beautiful form," he replied. The coach gave him a dubious look.

"Calculations? You're telling me you do math to jump over a bar?"

"Well, it's actually more science when you think about it--" The coach interrupted him.

"Don't put so much thought into it. Just go forward and jump," he said. Rei thought about it for a moment. _How do you just jump?_ The coach walked away then, calling out for someone else to go practice their jump. Rei would have to read up on more theories behind pole vaulting, apparently.

* * *

 

It was about a week later while riding the train that Rei's life would change forever.

That morning when Rei woke up, he felt something strange. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it felt like he was expecting something. _Did he have a package coming soon?_ He dressed quickly, making his bed before grabbing a quick breakfast and kissing his mother on the cheek goodbye. In his hand was a book on physical training and he had neatly shoved his running clothes into his bag. When he got on, the train was full, and so he stood near the door while he read. It was only about a minute until his stop when that familiar voice from before piped up from the seat next to him.

"Ryuugazaki-kun? You go to school by train?" Rei glanced down at the blonde for a moment. He was short with large round eyes and a youthful face. He looked more like a primary school student than a high school student. And yet, in that single glance, there was something about him that Rei just couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Yes," he said dully before looking away to read his book some more. The boy stared at him a little longer, smiling slightly. Rei glanced down and noticed the bag full of Iwatobi mascot keychains and recruitment posters.

"Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you a favor, as a classmate..." he started.

"I won't join the swim club," Rei interrupted.

"Huh? How did you know before I said anything?" he responded, genuinely surprised.

"It was easy enough to guess," he said, never looking up from his book, "from the recruiting posters in your bag, and those swimsuit Iwatobi-chan straps you probably plan to give to new recruits." Rei couldn't help but feel a little smug at outsmarting the kid. The train came up to the station and the doors began to open, so Rei quickly slid his book into his bag before readjusting his glasses. "As I mentioned before, I already joined the track team. Goodbye." Rei stepped off into the station. Behind him he could hear Hazuki call out,

"Huh? Why? The school is the next station!"

Rei changed quickly, strapping his backpack into place and taking a quick drink from his water bottle. He jogged alongside the train for awhile before it started to pull ahead of him. He ran yesterday's notes through his head, reviewing everything as he ran. This was routine for him, but something else came sliding into his mind. Hazuki. He was in Rei's class and all he really knew was his name. He thought he remembered him asking Rei for a pencil once and Rei scolded him for not having his own. But there was a gleam in his eye that Rei could have sworn he'd seen before. Like a distant memory, stuck in the back of his mind. He shook it off as he arrived at the school. He chugged more of his water before going to the bathroom to change back into his uniform.

It was after school while Rei was walking down the hallway that he heard that voice again. He was deep into his book and quickly turned the corner, hoping Hazuki wouldn't see him.

"Ah! Wait, Ryuugazaki-kun!" Rei suppressed a sigh as he grabbed his sneakers from his locker. "Let's go home together. We can talk about swimming," the boy said, imitating a stroke with his arms.

"I have practice now," he said, "and there's nothing you can say that will convince me to join the swim club." Rei closed his locker before turning around and walking away. _Why was he so adamant about swimming, anyway?_ He could hear Hazuki mumble something under his breath, but didn't quite catch what it was. He changed quietly, thinking about this blonde boy and how strange he was. He could hear a few of his teammates pass by, laughing with each other about something. Rei wasn't really close to any of teammates yet, but he wasn't sure how to be. He sighed and put on his sunglasses before heading out. Other members sat about, stretching in various positions. He began his usual routine, stretching his arms across his chest before grabbing a drink of water. He reached down to pick up his pole when he heard bickering behind him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Hazuki arguing with a small group of people, including a girl who was giving him an embarrassing look. He stared at them for a while, intrigued. _What were they doing here? They couldn't have possibly come to watch him, could they?_

"Next, Ryuugazaki!" He snapped out of it, looking ahead to where he was called.

"Okay," he said, turning to step up to the starting line. He ignored the blonde and his strange group of friends as he focused in on his target.

_Bar height: 4.20 meters. Set takeoff speed to z. Set acceleration to a. Gravity is g. If the center of gravity after taking in pole length is h, then the angle of approach..._

Rei runs forward, hitting where he should. He makes it over the top of the bar, but just barely.

"I miscalculated the angle of approach," he mumbles to himself quietly. His form was good, but not what he needed it to be. He needed to go higher.

After practice, he dresses silently, grabbing out his book to read while he walks to the train. As he approaches the waiting area, Hazuki jumps up from the seat, running over to him. Rei turns away, exasperated.

"Hey, Rei-chan!" it takes him a moment to catch it, but his heart skips. _Did he just call me by my first name?_

"Rei-chan?!" he asks, surprised. _How did he even come to know my name?_ He turns away, bothered by Hazuki's casualness. There was nothing beautiful about him and it irritated Rei.

"Oh, you can call me Nagisa," he chimed in. _Nagisa? Wasn't that a girl's name? Like his?_

"I won't," he says smoothly, fixing his glasses again, "We aren't that close."

"We can get closer once you join the swim club," he responds, taking a step closer to him.

"I'm not going to join," Rei says, taking a step away from him. He can feel the irritation rising up within him. "I'm only interested in sports that are beautiful."

"Like track?" he asks, feigning another step towards him.

"Yes," he says, finally looking up from his book. "It's a sport known for beautiful events such as pole vaulting. You can attain the perfect form through theory and calculation!"

"That sounds too hard for me to understand," Hazuki complains, "but you can be in both clubs at the same time." Hazuki invades Rei's space and he tries to turn away, his attention back on his book. "You can use your arm muscles for pole vaulting, right? So doesn't swimming sound perfect?"

"I'm not going to join both," he responds pointedly. What a stupid suggestion. He closes his book and turns to look at Hazuki in the face. "After all, humans evolved to live on land. Why would you go backwards and play sports in water? It defies reason!" he yelled, finally having enough with Hazuki's persistence. "Don't forget that water has 12 to 13 times the viscosity of air!" Hazuki stared at him with a blank expression before sighing in defeat. The train pulled up only a few seconds later and they boarded silently.

That night, Rei lay awake in bed, thinking about their conversation. He felt bad for yelling, but honestly, did he have to be so annoying? And yet, as Rei closed his eyes, he thought of soft blonde locks running though his fingers and pink eyes with a happy gleam staring back at him.

* * *

 

The second morning after that, Rei didn't see Hazuki on the train. He didn't remember what he had dreamed about, but it didn't matter. He got off at his usual stop, changing into his running clothes. He could hear someone else come in and change in the stall next to his. As he stood stretching, he could hear footsteps behind him.  
"Wait, Rei-chan!" Rei looked up in surprise before sighing. He must have ridden in a different section of the train.

"What do you want?" he asked, looking back at Hazuki.

"Can I...run with you?" His voice was determined. Rei sighed again, turning away.

"If you can keep up," he told him. Hazuki smiled.

"Okay!" They ran in silence about half of the way with Hazuki trailing just a little behind him. He tried to focus his thoughts on last night's studying, but found it difficult with the sound of footsteps and slightly labored breathing behind him.

"This brings back memories," he said, "I used to run with Haru-chan to the swimming club like this in grade school. Haru-chan always played it cool and said--" he deepened his voice to what was probably comically inaccurate of anyone's voice,"--'If you can keep up.'" Rei turned the corner, slightly intrigued in Hazuki's friends. He wondered if this Haru was one the people from the other day that had watched him jump.

"Who's this Haru-chan?" he asked casually.

"Oh, you go this way?" Nagisa complained as he quickly tried to turn and keep up. He never answered the question, which irked Rei ever so slightly. Why was this kid even doing this?

"What do you want?" he asks, still jogging.

"I want you to join the swim club," he responded cheerfully. _This again?_ "We really need another member before our joint practice."

"Why does it have to be me?" Rei just didn't understand. He had denied Hazuki over and over and over again and yet, he kept trying. What was it he saw in him? What made him so special?

"Because you're a boy with a girly name?" he responded. Was that an answer or a question? Did this guy even know why he wanted Rei to join? Or was he just making up excuses? Rei stopped to turn around and look at Hazuki, obviously annoyed. Besides the absolute ludicrous reasoning, Rei didn't particularly like pointing out his girly name.

" _That's_ your reason?!" he shouted.

"Yeah," he said pointedly. Rei grabbed his forehead in disbelief. "But the main reason is because you looked beautiful." Rei's heart skipped and his breath paused. He removed his hand, staring at Hazuki.

"Huh?"

"When you were pole vaulting. Your jump looked really beautiful, Rei-chan!" he said, leaning forward. His face shone like the sun and he blushed ever so slightly. Rei could feel his pulse in his fingers and his heart accelerate. Suddenly, right there, just for a moment, Nagisa looked like someone he knew.

Rei looked away, embarrassed, hiding his face behind his hand. He could feel a slight blush come across his cheeks.

"Well...I was just following theory and calculation." He still looked away from Nagisa, trying to control his heartbeat. _What is he doing to me?_ This annoying young boy with messy hair that forgot his pencil and participated in such an ugly sport was softening him and Rei couldn't grasp the meaning of it. He tightened his hand into a fist.

"That's not something everybody can do. I suck at that stuff," he sheepishly admitted. Rei turned to look at him again. "So I want you to use theory and calculation to look good swimming," he spread his arms out in exaggeration. For just a second, he thought about it. He thought about giving the swim team a try, just for him. But beauty wasn't the only thing keeping Rei from joining. Not that he could admit it.

"That's impossible," he retorted. "A swimmer must flap his arms and legs underwater while struggling to break the surface for a gasp of air. You can't look good while doing that!" he yelled.

"Really? But...Haru-chan is a beautiful swimmer." A tinge of something pulled inside him. He couldn't quite place what the feeling was.

"Haru-chan again?" he said. _What was this?_ It was different than irritation. He decided he didn't care whether he found out or not. He turned to take off again, not bothering to go slowly for Nagisa.

"Hey, wait!" he said, running behind.

When they arrived at school, Nagisa immediately met up with his friends. They were the same people from the other day, minus the creepy girl. As he watched them talk, he noticed how out of breath Nagisa was. How much this kid had dedicated himself to recruiting Rei and, for some unknown reason, decided this kid was worth it. Decided that, despite his annoying voice and obvious disrespect for personal space, he would give him a chance.

"Oh, Rei-chan," he said as Rei approached. He looked at the boy that Nagisa was speaking to with slick black hair that hung ever so slightly in his face. He felt rude for not knowing his last name, but thought also perhaps that Nagisa's casual nature was a shared trait among them.

"Are you Haru-chan-san?" he asked.

"Don't put -chan and -san on the end of my name," he replied, clearly annoyed. This man was nothing like Nagisa. He seemed a lot more serious and it made Rei question why he was friends with Nagisa.

"Is something up?" Nagisa piped in, having finally caught his breath. _Weak_ , Rei thought.

"I'm willing to participate in your joint practice as a trial member," he said. The memory of coach telling him to improve ran through his head.

"What? Really?!" Nagisa replied, his whole face shining.

"But only on one condition," he continued, fixing his glasses. "I won't do any swimming."

* * *

 

The practice, of course, was a complete disaster.

He felt horribly embarrassed as his body flopped into the water ungracefully, after the other team's captain had forced him to swim. Nanase and Nagisa had to come to his rescue, like some kind of young child that had fallen into the deep end. He sat along the wall, pouting, realizing how stupid he had been to think this was a good idea. He had thought, just maybe, he had learned to swim since he was little. Apparently not.

"So Rei-chan...you can't swim?" Nagisa asked gently.

"Yeah...Are you saying it's my fault?!" he snapped back. "I told you I wasn't going to swim!" He looked away, still embarrassed.

"You should have said something earlier," Nagisa said, his voice still gentle. _Why was he being so nice to him? Didn't he see that he was a failure?_

"I wasn't going to admit I couldn't swim. That would go against my sense of beauty," he said quietly. He felt bad for snapping at Nagisa and didn't want to do it again. He tightened his fists in frustration, wishing he could just disappear.

"Rei-chan..." Nagisa said softly. He sounded so genuine, so sweet. Like he actually cared about him. But Rei knew that wasn't true. Rei didn't have any friends.

"I'll clear things up with Samezuka," the captain said. What was his name again? Tachibana? He said some other things to Rei, but he stopped listening. That was when Nanase got onto the starting block. He remembered what Nagisa had said about Nanase, about how beautiful he was.

"Ready. Set.--" The whistle blew and he watched as Nanase dove into the water. His form wasn't perfect. He didn't look all that special when he was walking around in his uniform. But something about the way he entered the water was more beautiful than Rei could have imagined. He suddenly understood what Nagisa had been talking about. He glided through the water like he was part of it. And that was when Rei knew he wanted to look like that. He wanted to be beautiful. He wanted to be _free_. Free from feeling like he had to try so hard. Free from feeling like he wasn't good enough. He stood up, the towel falling off his head, but he didn't bother with it.

"It's so beautiful to watch!" Nagisa said from beside him.

"Is something wrong?" Tachibana asked him.

"No, it's just..." _Just that I want to be someone beautiful. To be the person who Nagisa always talks about. To be happy._

"See? I told you. Haru-chan is an amazing swimmer," Nagisa said. He looked at Nagisa, at his blonde hair and youthful appearance. What was it? What was it about him that made Rei believe he had met him before? He looked back to Nanase as he swam.

_Can I learn to swim like that?_

* * *

 

Rei changed in the track locker rooms for the last time. Even though he couldn't swim, he was determined to reach that same level of beauty and mastery that Nanase did. He thought, _Maybe I can do that in pole vaulting?_ Most of all, he wanted Nagisa to be proud of him. It was a feeling he had never truly had before and when Nagisa called him beautiful...

They all sat along the sidelines, watching him carefully. Being watched never really bothered Rei so long as he was doing something he wasn't going to embarrass himself at (unlike the awful swim meet). He sat down, stretching his legs, doing his routine differently.

"Ryuugazaki!" the coach called.

"Yes!" he replied, standing up. _This was it. The deciding moment._ He grabbed his pole, approaching the starting line.

_No theory...No calculation...Be free!_

And he ran. As he came flying up over the bar, he spread out his arms and legs so he was up farther above it. It was possibly the farthest he had ever reached. But as he came down, he had no curve around the bar. He hit it square on with his chest and ungracefully hit the mat. And thus, his fate was decided.

He walked up to them, staring at Nanase. "I want to be like you, Nanase-san," he said.

"What do you mean?" Nanase asked, expressionless.

"I want that kind of freedom."

"It's not freedom," he replied, "It's freestyle."

"Fr-freestyle..." he tried to say, the English word new to him. "Anyway, I would like to formally..." he bowed, a nervous sensation tingling in his spine. Was he...happy? "...join the swim team!"

"What? Really?" Nagisa said excitedly.

"If you want to swim, go ahead," Nanase said, obviously uncomfortable with Rei's bow, but happy he was joining. Rei looked up at him, a feeling of acceptance washing over him.

"That's that, then!" said Tachibana.

"Yep!" said Matsuoka, the female manager and creepy girl from before.

"Haru-chan!" Nagisa said. Despite it all, hearing Nagisa go to Nanase once again brought up that little nagging feeling in his chest. Rei turned towards him.

"However, you were the one who initially invited me to join. I expect you to take responsibility,--" he said to him, his heart beating thick in his chest. And although he had already began referring to him as Nagisa in his head, it was somehow difficult for him to say it. "...Nagisa-kun." He looked away, embarrassed. But Nagisa seemed to almost float up out his seat. His eyes sparkled and a smile took over his face. It was almost as if something as simple as calling him by his name had made Nagisa's entire day.

"Sure! You can count on me!" he said gleefully, jumping out off the bench and pouncing on Rei. He stumbled back in surprise as Nagisa laughed.

"Hey! Watch it!" he yelled, but for the first time in possibly his entire life, Rei felt accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao sorry this first chapter is basically a rewrite of episode 3, but i promise that the whole story won't be that


	2. For You

_"You're not the same Rei-chan you used to be. I bet at this point, you could swim any stroke you wanted!"_

* * *

 

It had been a year since Rei had joined the swim club. He had completely changed during that time, catching himself in a smile more often than not. Now, he was free. Or, at least, free-er than he was. Over the course of a single year, not only had Rei found himself and discovered happiness, but he had friends. He was accepted. Loved.

Rei didn't eat alone at lunch anymore. And he didn't have to convince himself he liked it this way because he actually, honestly did. But there was one thing holding him back. One, tiny thing. He still could only swim butterfly.

At first, he wasn't too perturbed by it. He could still swim in his preferred category and participate in relays. He could still be on the swim team. But how was he supposed to improve if he didn't know how to swim even the most basic of the styles, the front crawl? It wasn't until their first day back in the pool that Rei realized how important it was to him to learn the other strokes.

_"You're not the same Rei-chan you used to be. I bet at this point, you could swim any stroke you wanted!"_

_"You think so?"_

The conversation replayed in his mind over and over. He could remember Nagisa grabbing his shoulder and lying his head upon the other one. Each touch made his skin prick and his heart thud harder. During that year, the person whom Rei had grown the closest to was Nagisa. They'd become best friends, riding the train home together and visiting each other's houses quite often. There were moments Rei would never forget with Nagisa, like when Nagisa saved him from drowning. Or the time they spent at the festival, even though Rei spent most of it running around, chasing Rin. But Rei's favorite moments were the little ones that most people overlook. Like Nagisa falling asleep on his lap and while he slept, Rei carefully running his fingers through his hair. Rei had so many moments with Nagisa, but now he had to sacrifice a few for this. Because in the end, this would pay off the most.

"Keep your legs up. There you go, like that," Rin said, lightly lifting his leg. Rei started kicking, but only made a little distance before sinking like he normally did.

"Augh!" he yelled out in frustration. _Why couldn't he do this?_

"Hey, relax. You're doing fine. Nothing ever just happens overnight," Rin said, drifting over to him. "Now, what you did wrong that time was you didn't focus enough on trying to float while you swim. You want to hold air a little bit to give you buoyancy. You gotta tighten your core muscles when you do this." Rei nodded thoughtfully, taking in the information the best he could. "How about we take a small break, eh? You've been going at it for 30 minutes now." They both drifted to the side of the pool, sitting at it's edge.

"Oh, Rin-san! I made you these cookies. I-I wasn't sure what to get you because I know you're not a big fan of sweets, so I put vitamins in them a-" Rin placed a hand on Rei's shoulder.

"Thank you, Rei," he said. He smiled, taking the cookies and placing them off to the side. "It's not good to eat and swim though, so I'll try one later." Rei smiled back at him.

"Okay," he said. He stared down at the water, kicking his legs ever so slightly to create ripples. He thought about Nagisa again. About how proud they would all be when he showed them what he could do. They had given him so much and all he wanted was to give back to them the utter joy he felt.

That night, Rei did not sleep until 1 AM. And this is how it was the rest of the week. Every time he turned down Nagisa's request to go do something after school, he felt an almost instantaneous regret. Rei never wanted to alienate Nagisa and he could see the hurt in his bright pink eyes every time he did so. But hopefully he would understand soon enough. He would understand what all of this was for. _Who_ it was for.

* * *

 

Rei had stopped by his classroom to pick up a few things when someone walked around the corner carrying a large stack of books. They appeared to be struggling, so he asked if they wanted any help. He was surprised when he heard Gou snap at him.

"Sit!" she demanded, a little breathy from the weight.

"Um..Gou-san?" he asked, nervous.

"I said sit!!" she replied. He quickly sat down at his own desk and Gou slammed the stack down in front of him.

"What are all these?" he asked dubiously.

"Rei-kun...if there's anything on your mind, please talk to me!" she shouted, leaning on the desk to get close to him. "You don't have to stress over it on your own." Her concern touched him, but he was still wildly confused.

"Gou-san...What is this about?" he asked. There was a moment of silence.

"We're all worried you fell in love and don't want to focus on the team anymore!" she finally shouted. There was another moment of silence. _Doesn't she understand? He's not neglecting them because he fell in love. He's doing this because of love._ Rei finally burst out laughing.

"Me, in love? What gives you that idea?!" he laughed. But behind his laugh he felt nervous. He felt his gut lurching and his neck hairs standing because he wasn't ready to face that truth yet.

"So you're not?" she asked, a mix of irritated and disappointed.

"Certainly not!" he lied. "As if I would ever be taken in by something as illogical as love!" What made lying about it so easy was the fact that it was truly what he believed. Rei had never planned to fall in love. He had never seen love as something logical to experience. Yet, here he was, completely and incapably illogical.

"Then why were you shopping for cake?" she asked suspiciously. He jumped at the accusation because now it wasn't something he was prepared to lie about.

"I-I just feel like eating cake once in a while!" he quickly retorted, looking away from her eyes. _Please don't see through me, please don't see through me_ he prayed.

"Then where do you keep disappearing to every day?" Rei could feel his face getting warmer, and probably, redder.

"Just some minor business," he said through clenched teeth, hiding his face under his shaky hand.

"What business?" she quickly countered. Her eyes bore through him like daggers.

"Just some minor business, meaning insignificant, which is to say it isn't beautiful at all, to the degree that I hesitate to utter its nature here!" he spewed out, sweat beading along his forehead. This wasn't good. He could feel her catching on and he needed to leave. The jig was up.

"A-Anyway, I have minor business to attend to today, as well! Excuse me!" he shouted as he stood up. He quickly grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, forgetting whatever it was he had come back for. He quickly ran out of the classroom and down the hall until he was sure he was safe from view. With a sigh of relief, he wiped away the sweat from his brow and headed for the train.

* * *

 

Rei walked into the club room, exhausted from having to swim both night and day.

"Sorry I'm late..." he began, but quickly stopped when he saw the rest of the team standing, waiting. They didn't look happy. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing," Makoto said with his usual smile. But he didn't loosen up any.

The walk to Haru's house was incredibly awkward. Makoto and Haru led the way, not talking the entire time. They looked displeased, almost angry. Nagisa, on the other hand, walked just a little behind Rei, almost clinging to him. He, too, seemed displeased, but there was also something incredibly worrisome and troubled about his look. As if something bad was about to happen. Rei wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't this.

As they sat around the table with their tea, debating who would talk to Rei, Rei looked at Nagisa. The others simply seemed unsure, but it was his face that had the most concern in it. Like he was going to crumple in on himself at any moment and it made Rei's heart lurch. But time was ticking and he had to meet up with Rin again.

"If there's no emergency, then I do have an errand to run, so..." he said. He stood to leave and they all broke out into a mild panic. But they were being silly. There was nothing to worry about. Was this really all that strange?

And then someone grabbed onto his leg. They clung on for dear life, as if letting go would send them into some endless chasm. He could feel their hands shake ever so slightly as they clung to the fabric of his pants. He turned to look down at them.

"Nagisa-kun?" he asked in disbelief. Nagisa looked up at him.

"Don't quit the swim club!" he shouted. His eyes were glossed over and his cheeks were red, as if he was trying not to cry. Rei had to hold himself back from simply flopping down onto the ground next to him to comfort him. _Not in front of everyone, anyway._

"Huh?!" he asked in surprise. _Quit the swim club? Why would he do that?_

"You can't hide it from us," he said, standing up and wobbling just a bit. "You plan to go back to the track team, don't you? I don't want that!" he shouted. He still looked as if he were on the brink of tears.

"Nagisa-kun..." Rei said. There was so much he wanted to tell him. How he would never, ever leave Nagisa after all he had done for him. How he'd never quit swim club. How much they all meant to him.

"He's right, Rei." Makoto said from behind them. "We're a team. I won't let you just leave like this."

"As the team manager, I can't agree with it, either," Gou said from the other side of the table.

"Rei, it was because of what you said that both Rin and I were saved," Haru said solemnly. He looked down but Rei could see how much it meant to him in his eyes. How much he meant to all of them. He could feel his heart swell and his brain swirl and love for all of them exude out of him. "Don't say you're quitting. Weren't you the one who said the four of us were going to swim together at nationals?" Rei fought back tears.

"Haruka-senpai..."

"He's right!" Nagisa said. He grabbed Rei's shirt, resting his head on his chest for a split moment. Rei held his breath, wondering if Nagisa cold feel his pulse against his chest. "We all promised, didn't we? That the four of us would swim the relay together." The words rang in his ears. Nagisa's hands shook and his knuckles were white from gripping Rei's shirt so hard. "You said you'd show us your beautiful butterfly stroke at nationals!" It took every last bit of self control in Rei not to grab Nagisa into a tight hug right then and there. He wanted so badly to tell them the truth. But he was so close to his goal.

"Wait a second," he said, grabbing Nagisa on the shoulder. "What are you all talking about? I'm not quitting the swim club." He addressed everyone, but couldn't take his eyes off Nagisa. They stared at each other while he spoke.

"But you were talking with the captain of the track team." Rei remembered the encounter they had while in the library. _Is that where they saw him? Or maybe it was when they spoke in PE?_

"You saw us?" he asked. "He did ask me to come back, but that was all that happened." He paused for a moment, looking down. "And...there's no way I would ever quit the swim club!"

* * *

 

The next day, when he showed them his new strokes, they beamed with pride. All of their comments were oddly stiff, but Rei didn't question it. He could see the pride in all of their eyes and that was all that mattered to him. And when he swam breast, Nagisa hopped into the pool and swam beside him, even though he swam a lot faster. As the day winded to an end, they rinsed the chlorine out of their hair and changed back into their uniforms. They offered to go out for a treat to celebrate Rei's success, but Rei was so tired from swimming all week that he, honestly, just wanted to go to bed. So they said goodbye to Haru and Makoto and boarded the train. They sat next to each other, chatting lightly about the day's events.

"So where did you learn to do all of that?" Nagisa asked curiously. His eyes darted around a little, but Rei was too tired to really even notice.

"It's a secret!" he said. Nagisa just smiled and rolled his eyes, which was odd. He thought he'd at least nag him about it a little bit.

"So do you think you'll enter the breaststroke?" he asked excitedly. Rei smiled at him.

"Maybe. I'd really like to try out the freestyle, too," he said.

"Well, now you can. I told you you could do it!" he beamed. "I'm so proud of you, Rei-chan." Rei grabbed at his pant leg. It was everything he wanted to hear. "So what made you suddenly decide to learn more strokes?" he asked. Rei thought about it for a moment. _How was he supposed to tell him?_

"You told me I wasn't the same Rei as before, right?" he asked. Nagisa nodded, listening attentively. "Well you were right. I'm not. I'm better now. And I wanted to prove it to you." He turned to look Nagisa in the eyes. He wanted him to know how important this was. "I did it for you, Nagisa-kun." Nagisa's eyes sparkled at the news and for a moment, he just stared blankly at Rei. _Had he gone to far? Was it too much?_ But then Nagisa smiled and wrapped his arms around Rei's arm and nuzzled into his shoulder.

"You did good, Rei-chan," he replied quietly. They sat there like that for awhile and soon, Rei began to feel drowsy. He laid his head down onto Nagisa's shoulder and began to drift of into sleep. When his breathing had let up and he snored ever so quietly, Nagisa drew his fingers through Rei's hair, smiling softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know i said this fic wasn't going to just be rewrites of episodes but this stuff was important and the whole chapter wasn't rewrite stuff i PROMISE this is the last chapter of this omg (//0//)


	3. I've Got You

There weren't a whole lot of things Rei was afraid of. He wasn't afraid of water, despite nearly drowning once. Heights had never really bothered him, thanks to his experience with pole vaulting. He saw fear, much like love, to be something illogical. It was an unnecessary trait that hindered the mind and being fearful was embarrassing, not beautiful. Sometimes, he got spooked entering dark, unknown places or whenever he would watch a scary movie and a monster popped up from behind the couch. But as for a phobia? Rei couldn't place his finger on anything specific.

As summer break rolled around the corner, the boys planned their trip back to the islands for their annual training camp. Although they had a little more funding from before, it still wasn't enough to get them a hotel or to rent out the nearby pool. And with no new members to the team, they didn't really see the point in it. Coach Sasabe once again brought them over on his fishing boat. Rei made sure to read up on prevention of motion sickness this time. He still got ill. When camp was set, they quickly began training. It was a struggle for Rei even more so this year than the last because he had only recently picked up on new strokes, but the others guided him and Nagisa stayed behind often to keep Rei company while the other two swam farther ahead. Despite all of this, they managed to complete more of the regimen than they had last year. His teammates had insisted he swim with a kick board again, but he had refused and he was glad he did. He could feel the ache of progress in his muscles.

After they had eaten their traditional meal of mackerel and pineapple (which Nagisa had insisted they do because of tradition), they decided upon tent-mates. This time, Nagisa had no issue sleeping in a tent with Rei. Rei thought about last year and how when Nagisa wanted to be with Haru, Rei felt that odd pulling in his chest that he later identified as jealousy. As they got ready to split up though, Haru piped up.

"No. Rei is sleeping with me tonight," he said defiantly. Nagisa and Makoto gave him a questionable look. "I want to keep an eye on you." Rei was surprised, but he couldn't blame Haru. Although he felt that Haru trusted him, Makoto was also Haru's best friend and the last thing he wanted was a repeat of last year. But Rei was a logical person and he learned from his mistakes. He had vigorously checked the weather to see the best time to go, but also knew how inaccurate the reports could be. Makoto sighed.

"Haru, I think it's safe to say that Rei won't be trying anything like that again," Makoto said. He tried to give Haru his best understanding smile, but Haru wasn't having any of it.

"He's sleeping with me," was all he said.

"Aww, Haru-chan, don't be like that," Nagisa complained at him. "I was going to draw on his face." Rei threw him an exasperated glance. As much as he cared for Nagisa, he could still be a little shit sometimes and Rei was his favorite subject to torment. They began bickering more and Rei had finally had enough.

"Hey, hey! Doesn't anyone care about what I think?" he shouted above the rest of them. They all stopped to look at him. "I don't have a problem sleeping with Haruka-senpai if that's what he feels is best." It sucked not sleeping in a tent with Nagisa, but Rei was a a reasonable person. He wasn't going to let his fondness over Nagisa get in the way of his team. His life wasn't dictated by love, only influenced by it. Nagisa and Makoto looked at each other and nodded. Rei let out a sigh of relief and they took to their tents respectively. As they lie in their sleeping bags trying to fall asleep, Rei thought of last year when they had stood in the still water and looked at the reflection of the stars together. He thought about how beautiful they were. How beautiful Nagisa had been, an endearing look of awe on his face, silhouetted by them.

"Haruka-senpai?" he asked quietly, rolling over. He couldn't tell if Haru was awake or not and he waited patiently.

"Yeah?" he finally said quietly. There was no annoyance in his voice, which relieved Rei.

"What do you plan to do after this? After you graduate?" It was a tender subject he knew, but Rei hoped that he would at least have some kind of answer. He had known his own future for years now, studying hard to get into a school in Tokyo. Haru didn't respond and simply pulled the covers tighter. It was silent for so long, Rei didn't think he was going to and he so he rolled over to fall asleep. But then,

"I don't know," he said. Rei rolled back over to face Haru, but his back still faced the center. His voice was it's usual monotone, but Rei could also hear the slight catch of uncertainty in his voice. Fear.

* * *

 

When the camp ended, they neatly packed up their things and waited for the coach to come and get them. He hadn't been able to come with due to his new swimming facility that he now had to run, but he was proud of the progress they had made. The summer break went by slowly after that. Rei found himself at Nagisa's home from time to time, playing games and eating popsicles. When the last week of summer break came up, Rei's parents decided to take a trip out of town for a few days. Rei's older brother had gone to college and with less to worry about at home, his parents indulged themselves more than usual. Rei didn't mind though. He had always been more independent and he liked seeing them so happy.

They would be gone four days. That was all. He went about his usual routine, studying even on break. He would go for a run some time in the evening when it had cooled down more. He cooked for himself too, leisurely reading a book while he ate. Occasionally, he'd receive a text message from Nagisa who was always checking in on him. Nagisa had never really had the house to himself and he seemed deeply intrigued by the idea, which Rei found strange. When nightfall came and he felt tired, Rei stretched before climbing into bed.

It was the second night since his parents had left and the house was incredibly empty. He curled up under the covers for a moment before turning over to his back. _Sleeping on your back is the healthiest sleep position._ He thought about water and the ocean as he drifted. He thought about cherry blossom leaves and the wind and he thought about the stars. He thought about Nagisa, illuminated by them...

And then he was dreaming.

_He stood out in a pasture, the tall grass shifting like ocean waves with the wind. They tickled his legs as he walked through it. Mud caked in between his bare toes as he walked forward. A head with a sugegasa on it bobbed up above the grass and Rei walked towards them faster. They seemed to suddenly become aware of the person approaching them and slowly turned to meet his gaze. Nagisa stood there in unfamiliar clothing, his blond hair sweeping along the sides of his face from the wind. His pink eyes, like a cozy house, invited Rei. He smiled wide at him, opening his arms as Rei came closer. He called him by an unfamiliar name..._

A loud crash abruptly ended the strange dream and Rei quickly sat up in bed. He looked around his room in dazed confusion. Everything was a dark blur and he groped for his glasses in the dark. He quickly got out of bed, rushing out into the hallway. As he peered down into the living room, he saw a figure slouched near the bookshelf. They cased it, picking up unidentifiable items and shoving them into a bag.

"Hey!" Rei called out in fear. _Was this a prank?_ Because this was too far, even for Nagisa.

"Huh?" the intruder said, looking up at Rei. He obviously hadn't expected him.

"W-Who are you?" he yelled out, frightened. The thief only chuckled.

"Go to bed," he said in a gruff voice. He continued to take things from the shelf. Rei could feel himself shaking. Adrenaline coursed through him and his head pounded with his heart. He was terrified.

"I'm calling the police!" he shouted. He quickly turned to run into his bedroom and grab his phone, but the man was a lot faster than Rei had expected. He was suddenly there, grabbing Rei harshly by the wrist and pulling him away from the door. Rei yelled out in surprise, fighting back against the man's grip. He could feel himself hyperventilating, tears building in his eyes.

"Oh no you don't, kid," the man said. Rei looked closely at his face, taking in every detail that he could, there in the dark.

"Let me go!" he cried out, struggling. The man smiled before whipping Rei down to the ground. He could feel the air come out of him as he hit the ground chest-first. The tears finally fell from his eyes as he struggled to think clearly. Everything was so acute and sharp. It was like he was hyper-aware, but the over-sensitivity only made his mind more joggled. _Why can't I think straight?_ The man reached down and grabbed Rei by the hair, lifting his head up so he could speak into his ear.

"I said no," he reminded him. Rei could feel his skin crawl. He let go of Rei's hair before walking into his bedroom to rummage around. Rei looked up slowly towards the kitchen where a phone sat, mounted to the wall. His heart was pounding so fast he thought it was going to stop. _What if this doesn't work?_ But it was a risk he was going to have to take. He didn't know what this man was capable of. Without hesitation, Rei pushed himself off the floor and sprinted towards the kitchen. He grabbed the phone, barely dialing in the number for the police before reaching for a steak knife off the counter. The intruder came rushing from the bedroom at the sound of Rei rushing for the phone.

"Stay back!" Rei yelled, pointing the knife at him. The man held his arms up in brief surrender.

"Woah, woah there buddy. You wouldn't want to hurt yourself now," he said. His voice was incredibly calm.

"Stay _back_!" Rei repeated, jabbing it out in warning. The man took another step back. When the operator came on, Rei rushed to get out the words. A flow of information poured from his mouth as he explained the situation. The man looked at the broken window he entered through nervously. Rei glanced away for just an instant and, in a flash, the man grabbed the bag and ran. "Hey!" Rei called out, stepping towards him to stop him, but it was too late. He slipped out the window and was on his way.

* * *

 

When the police showed up, they quickly investigated the crime scene. They interviewed Rei and reported the damages and things stolen. Rei shook horribly, a constant stream of tears coming from his eyes. For the first time in his life, he understood true fear. By the time they had finished, the sun was peaking out over the tops of the buildings. Rei called his parents who quickly booked themselves a ticket home. Unfortunately, they wouldn't make it back until the following day. When the police had left, Rei stood alone in his empty home. The daylight provided some comfort, but he still felt frightened. He quickly covered the damaged window, cleaning up the broken glass. His head pounded and his eyes stung from crying. He was exhausted, but was too afraid to go to sleep. He checked every single window and door in the house, making sure everything was securely locked. He made himself some tea and eggs with toast, but didn't eat much of it. His stomach lurched about. He turned on the TV to add some sound to the room, blankly watching the news. It was about 4 PM when Nagisa texted him. Rei hadn't thought about Nagisa all day. He had been so preoccupied with the break-in that he hadn't even bothered to tell anyone what had happened. He picked up his phone.

 

> _Hey Rei-chan!! What's up?~_

Rei stared at the message on the screen. How was he supposed to tell him? Instead of texting back, he dialed in Nagisa's number. It only rang once.

"Rei-chan?" Nagisa said from the other side. Rei breathed out in relief. Hearing his voice relaxed him a bit.

"Nagisa-kun..." he began. The story sat in his throat like a lump.

"Rei-chan, is everything alright? Why'd you call?" he asked. Nagisa's concern was light, but genuine. Rei swallowed.

"Someone broke in last night," he said. It was just above a whisper. The memories flashed through his mind and he could feel his heart rate increase.

"What?! Really? Are you okay?" he said, his voice growing louder. He could say yes. He could tell him it was all going to be fine, but he'd be lying.

"...No," he finally said. He held back the urge to cry. There was silence on the other end.

"I'm coming over," he finally said. There was no question, no permission. He was coming whether Rei wanted him to or not.

"No! No, you really don't have to do that--"

"I'll see you in a bit," he interrupted. The line went dead. Rei debated calling Nagisa back, but there was no use. About an hour later, he heard a knock on the door that made him jump. He checked out the peep-hole before unlocking the door and letting Nagisa in. As soon as the door swung open, Nagisa rushed in, wrapping his arms around Rei. Rei stumbled back a bit, surprised. He didn't say anything, just hugged him tightly. And it was all he needed. He embraced Nagisa back, leaning his head on top of Nagisa's. They sat there for a moment, embracing. Rei's headache subsided a little and he felt even more tired than before. Finally, Nagisa let go of him, taking a step back.

"I brought over some food," he said, lifting up a small bag of groceries. He smiled at Rei before slipping off his shoes and rushing into his living room. "Woah!" he said, pointing at the window, "Is that where the intruder broke in?" he asked. Rei smiled a bit at his curiosity.

"Yeah," he said. Nagisa walked up to it, examining it closely.

"Hmmm. You're gonna have to get bulletproof windows, Rei-chan," he said. Rei chuckled.

"I think that might be a bit excessive," he said.

"Nope, you can never be too excessive in times like these. You'll need iron walls that come sliding down all around the house," he said, imitating their sliding motion with his hands. Rei just smiled at him. Nagisa never failed to lighten the mood with his childish mannerisms. They cooked the food Nagisa brought, discussing their summer break with each other. Nagisa complained about his sisters, imitating them with off-key voices. Rei smiled and laughed at him, but as the sun began to set, he could feel the panic slowly rising up within him again.

"So when do your parents get back? It's getting kind of late," Nagisa pointed out. Rei looked away nervously.

"Not until tomorrow," he admitted. Nagisa gave him a shocked expression.

"Eh?! And you plan to stay here _alone_ tonight?" he asked.

"Well no, the police are going to be stationed out front--"

"That isn't good enough!" he declared. "I'm spending the night." He had already begun texting his parents the news. Rei waved his hands about.

"N-No, that isn't necessary! You really don't have to stay if you don't want to!" he replied.

"But I do," Nagisa said more seriously. He looked at Rei with an expression he had never seen on Nagisa before. It was stern and serious. It made him look older. They stared at each other for a moment before Nagisa returned to texting his mother. She quickly replied and Nagisa snapped out of his seriousness. "Okay!" he said.

"But you don't even have any clothes," Rei said. He felt bad for making Nagisa stay with him, but at the same time he felt relieved. He didn't want to be alone.

"No problem, I can just wear some of yours," he said cheerfully. He wish he knew the secret to Nagisa's optimism.

"We're not even the same size..." he grumbled under his breath. When the police arrived, they let Rei know before parking outside his home. Crime like this was rare in Iwatobi, so they took it seriously, something Rei was thankful for. He laid an extra futon down on the ground, rummaging for sheets and pillows in the linen closet. Nagisa changed into some ill-fitting clothes before heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It was a little early for bed, but Rei was exhausted and Nagisa didn't seem to mind. They crawled into bed, Nagisa hitting the light for them both. The moon shone brightly through the window, illuminating the room ever so slightly. But despite his exhaustion and Nagisa laying on the floor next to his bed, Rei still felt too panicked to sleep. He tossed and turned, the memories flooding his mind. Being thrown to the ground and grabbed by his hair. The air rushing out of him. He felt incredibly hot and pulled off his sheets.

"Rei-chan?' Nagisa called out. Rei jumped at the sound, almost completely forgetting Nagisa was there.

"Yes?" he asked breathily, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

"Are you okay?" he asked. This time when he asked it, it was gentle. It wasn't like before when on the phone. But the concern behind both remained.

"Just...Having a hard time getting to sleep, is all," he replied. There was silence for a moment before he heard rustling. Nagisa moved around a bit before popping up at the edge of the bed and sliding in next to Rei. "Wha--" he began, but Nagisa said nothing as he pulled the covers up over them. Rei could feel his cheeks turn red and his heart now pounded for a different reason.

"Don't worry, Rei-chan. I've got you," he said softly. Rei said nothing, only facing the blonde who now lied next to him. Calm washed over Rei as he studied his features.

"Thank you," he whispered. He closed his eyes, still facing Nagisa, and finally fell asleep.

In the morning when he woke, Nagisa's arms and legs splayed across him. He drooled ungraciously unto the pillow, his hair stuck to his forehead. Rei mumbled at the unpleasant site, untangling Nagisa's limbs from around him. But he smiled as he stood.


	4. Happy Birthday

The end of the swim season was just around the corner. The summer air was humid and hot, sticking to Rei's skin. He slept with his covers pushed off his body, his pajama shirt riding up his stomach. It was a miserable heat, but when Rei finally rolled over and into consciousness, he snapped up in excitement.

Today was Nagisa's birthday.

Now, Rei wasn't usually one to get excited about these things. He enjoyed them, sure, but it was never as if he counted down the days on his fingers or waited up until midnight just to say, "It's today!" But Rei had been planning out this particular day for awhile now. He had meticulously searched for ideas that would be suitable, many of them not having enough pizzazz or simply being too far or too expensive. It had eventually come down to two choices: amusement park or aquarium. But Rei was not a fan of rollercoasters due to his motion sickness and when he mentioned the idea to Makoto and Haru, Makoto's face turned white and without even having to glance at him, Haru said, "No." So aquarium it was.

Once he had picked a good place to celebrate, Rei had to think of a fitting gift. Unfortunately, Rei was awful at giving gifts. His great observation skills allowed him to see what people needed, but not always what they wanted, resulting in many a practical, but completely boring and tasteless gift. He thought of the year he gave his brother a pack of socks because Rei had noticed he had a few with holes in them. Or the year he given his mother a phonebook since she was always complaining about not knowing people's phone numbers. But Rei knew he had to do better for Nagisa. His family members could simply laugh and smile, not minding the ridiculous gifts, but Nagisa wold likely look upset if he was given a bad present. He studied Nagisa every day, offering to go places with him to see what he was interested in most. There were a lot of things that Nagisa liked, though. He would stop by the window of almost every shop in the shopping district, ooing and awing at the things he saw. Rei took mental note of them each day, jotting them down when he got home. Everything seemed so useless though. What could he even do with a toy helicopter?

Two days before his birthday, Rei went down to the shops one last time to finally buy him something. He stopped by several places, deliberating on what Nagisa would like most, but also what would be the most practical. That was when he saw it. The perfect gift. Without hesitation, he asked the shopkeeper the price. It was slightly over his budget, but Rei decided it was worth it. He quickly bought it, folding it up and placing it in his bag. He smiled as he left, feeling confident in his gift.

As Rei got ready, he hummed to himself. He hadn't been in this good of a mood in awhile and it was nice to feel this way. He ate a small breakfast, grabbing his wrapped gift and waving goodbye to his mother before whisking out the door. He shielded his eyes from the sun as he walked to Nagisa's house, grumbling under his breath about the heat. He was glad his own birthday was in winter. When he reached the house, he suddenly felt nervous. This feeling had been slowly increasing throughout the year, especially ever since the night after the break-in when they slept in his bed together. A lump sat in the back of his throat and he wiped away the sweat on his forehead before knocking on the door. He could hear footsteps approaching calmly before loud, thudding ones rushing behind those. The door swung open and he could hear a girl complain from behind the person answering. Nagisa gleamed up at Rei, waiting expectantly. Rei relaxed when he saw Nagisa's usual dorky-demeanor, rolling his eyes.

"Happy birthday," Rei said, smiling softly. Nagisa just kept smiling.

"Thanks, Rei-chan!" he said. He then reached out, grabbing Rei by the wrist, and tugged him inside. Rei complained, but allowed himself to be yanked into the room. He quickly managed to toss his shoes off before Nagisa continued pulling him into the living room where he sat him down on the small couch. He leaned over Rei, getting incredibly close to his face. Rei stiffened at the proximity, grabbing the edge of his seat tightly. He tried not to blush or breathe too hard.

"What is it, what is it, what is it?!" he asked, his eyes sparkling in excitement. Rei let out a gush of air. _I almost thought he going to..._ He shook his head.

"I'm not telling! You'll have to wait and see," he replied with a smirk, crossing his arms and leaning back. Nagisa let out a whine, slumping over.

"Rei-chaaaan! Man, don't be like that," he complained. He dug his head into Rei's shoulder out of irritation and Rei laughed. A knock came at the door a second later. Nagisa popped up with a look of surprise, quickly rushing to the door to invite them in.

"Happy birthday, Nagi--ahh!" Makoto managed to get out before Nagisa started dragging him inside. Like Rei, he managed to clumsily push his shoes off before being dragged unwillingly into the house. Haru silently followed behind, slipping his own shoes off neatly next to the entrance. Nagisa was once again gleaming and Makoto gave Rei a relieved smile.

"Happy birthday, Nagisa," Haru said. Nagisa let go of Makoto to grab Haru into a tight hug, in which he looked rather uncomfortable. Rei pushed away his feelings of jealousy.

"Aw, thank you Haru-chan!" Nagisa said.

"Let go of me," Haru replied in an annoyed voice. Makoto laughed as Nagisa finally released him, facing Rei.

"So, what are we doing on this great day of great things?" he asked, posing heroically.

"It's a surprise," Rei responded. Nagisa only looked more excited.

"Oooh, is it a museum? A park? The ocean? Maybe it's a bug-catching contest! Or a sweets-shop!" he rambled.

"Just relax, you'll find out when you get there," Rei laughed. They all said goodbye to Nagisa's mother, who told them to have fun, and his sisters, who teased him about finding a real girl and not just more boys with girly names. They rode the train, chatting the whole way there. Nagisa bounced in his seat anxiously, looking out the windows for signs of arrival. When they reached their stop, Nagisa practically ran out of the train, calling out to the others to hurry. They all sighed, grabbing their bags and following after. He waited for them to lead the way, still bouncing up and down as they looked around.

"Hmmm, I think it's this way, right Rei?" Makoto asked.

"That's right, Makoto-senpai," he replied. Nagisa's impatient attitude was something they were obviously enjoying. When they finally arrived, Nagisa gasped in amazement. He simply stared at the grand entrance, his mouth still wide open. Makoto and Rei chuckled and even Haru smiled a little. He suddenly ran inside and Rei clumsily tried to keep up. Makoto and Haru calmly followed behind the pair.

The penguin exhibit was, of course, his favorite.

The trip went pretty well. Nagisa spent most of his time at the penguin exhibit trying to imitate the penguins, a few of who's attention he got. They waddled up next to the glass, staring at him as he waved. Makoto took a liking to the orca, which swam solemnly next to the tank. He sighed, putting his hand up next to it. He'd always been an advocate of freeing large marine animals. Rin eventually showed up, apologizing for his lateness and wishing Nagisa a happy birthday. Nagisa quickly attached himself to Rin who loudly complained. They eventually got separated when Haru refused to leave the dolphin exhibit during feeding time. Makoto promised they'd catch up later and Rin just tsked, walking back towards the shark tank. Nagisa and Rei walked around by themselves for awhile, Rei explaining different kinds of fish and picking out the most beautiful ones. Nagisa stared at everything, occasionally pointing to particularly breathtaking fish.

They reached the butterfly fish, which Rei began to explain, but Nagisa wasn't paying any attention. He stared at them silently, the softest smile on his face. Rei slowly stopped talking as he looked at Nagisa. The lights from above were subtle and left Nagisa in a light glow, his soft blonde hair just barely reflecting the light. His skin looked soft and smooth. His cheeks were the smallest hint of pink and he had a small button nose that would occasionally twitch. His round pink eyes reminded Rei of young strawberries, still on the bush, too sour to eat. And his lips. His lips were thin on top, but plump on the bottom. They were a light pink that blended into his skin. Rei could feel his heart beat deep in his chest, the pulse pumping in his fingertips. And as Rei sat there, staring at Nagisa, he realized that the feelings he had for him were no longer just a small crush that would fade away in a few months. Because the world stopped. Color became gray and sounds were mute. The only thing he could see was Nagisa. And he was absolutely and strikingly, gorgeous.

_I'm in love with Nagisa._

* * *

 

When everyone was done looking at the aquarium, they walked to a near-by restaurant, ordering themselves some food. Rei allowed Nagisa to get a piece of strawberry cake and they all talked about their favorite exhibits. Makoto complained about the treatment of large marine mammals for awhile and Haru would only talk about the dolphins, so they eventually changed subjects. When they were finished, Nagisa pushed all of their plates aside, calling for the waitress to come pick them up. Rei chastised him for being rude and Makoto apologized to her, but she smiled and waved it off.

"Alright, time for PRESENTS!" Nagisa said, slamming his hands on the table and leaning forward. Rin proudly put his on the table first. Nagisa quickly ripped it open, not bothering to build up any anticipation. He held it out in front of him, a little confused.

"Um...an ink set?" he asked. Rin just kept smiling proudly.

"Yeah! Cool, right?" he said. Everyone else gave him a sheepish smile. Nagisa smiled, giving Rin a hug across the table.

"I love it," he said. At least Rei now knew he wasn't the only one awful at giving gifts.

"Here," Haru said, pushing his gift across the table.

"Ooooh, what did Haru-chan get me?" he asked, quickly unwrapping it. "A cookbook on 100 ways to cook mackerel?!" he said. Everyone else at the table sighed. "Haru-chan, only you like eating mackerel so much," he whined.

"Do you not like it?" Haru asked.

"No! No, it's fine. Thank you, Haru-chan," he said. He continued to smile, but Rei could sense him getting discouraged. So far his gifts had been pretty bad. Rei felt nervous that his gift wouldn't be good enough.

"Well, guess it's my turn," Makoto said, grabbing his present. As he reached across to hand it to Nagisa, he accidentally knocked over the glass of juice sitting on the table. It spilled over the side, pouring down onto Rei's gift. He yelled out, grabbing it out of the way, but it was too late. The purple drink soaked right through the wrapping and the thin box. He shook it away from the table, trying desperately to get the juice off. His beautiful packaging was ruined too, the penguin wrapping-paper he had picked out now stained and wrinkled.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Rei!" Makoto said, grabbing a napkin and wiping up the juice. A waitress was headed for this table. "Is your gift okay?"

"I--I don't know," Rei replied. He felt awful. He wanted to cry, knowing his gift was probably soiled. It was the last one they had, too. "I'm going to go check on it real quick, the wrapping paper is ruined anyhow." He left them behind, not looking back at Nagisa. When he reached the bathroom, he ripped away the penguin-patterned paper he had so carefully picked and slowly opened the box. Sure enough, it was stained. Thankfully, the stain was small, but it was still an imperfection and noticeable enough that someone could point it out. He cursed loudly, throwing the box to the ground before slinking against the wall. He had tried so hard to find the perfect gift and now he had _nothing_ to give him. Not even socks. Rei looked at the box sitting on the ground, the lid wet and droopy. _What other choice did he have?_ He picked it up with a sigh, straightening out his glasses before going back.

They all sat at the now clean table, waiting. Nagisa held a picture frame with various marine animals around it. The picture was of the five of them together after their tournament last year. Rei could feel his hands shake. Makoto's gift was beautiful. He whipped the box out in front of him, looking away and blushing.

"Here," he said. Nagisa silently took the box from him, opening it up slowly. He gasped as he took it out. Rei peeked at him from the side of his glasses.

"Rei-chan...it's perfect," he said, his eyes sparkling. In front of him he held a yellow scarf. It was long and made of plush cashmere. At the ends were embroidered a small penguin. But the one flaw was a small, purple stain next to one of the penguins.

"You...you really think so?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, of course! I guess the juice didn't ruin it after all!" he said, putting it on despite the incredible heat outside.

"But it did, right here, next to the penguin," Rei pointed out. He sighed, looking defeated.

"Oh, that? I thought it was a butterfly!" Nagisa said. Rei looked up at him in surprise. He looked once again at the stain and, now that Nagisa had mentioned it, it really did kind of look like a butterfly. But it was still a stain.

"I can get you a new gift, don't worry. I'll find you something else, I--"

"No, I love _this_ gift, Rei-chan," he interrupted. Rei stopped to look at Nagisa. He snuggled his face into the scarf happily, smiling bright. "Thank you so much," he said. He jumped up, grabbing Rei into a tight hug. Although confused, Rei was happy. He hugged Nagisa back, dipping his head into Nagisa's shoulder.

"See? It's all good! But I really am, truly sorry for spilling the drink, Rei," Makoto said. They broke their hug and Rei slipped back into the booth next to Nagisa.

"It's okay," Rei said, waving off the apology. They sat there for a little while longer, talking and laughing about different things. They finally decided it was time to go home and so they boarded the train, helping Nagisa with his gifts. Rin got off first, waving goodbye. Haru and Makoto were second, who wished Nagisa a happy birthday once again before exiting. When it was just Rei and Nagisa left, they got off, walking together a little ways before they had to part. They walked silently, Nagisa humming and holding all his gifts. When they reached their separation point, they stopped and turned towards each other.

"Well, even though the scarf was ruined, I hope you had a good day," Rei said, scratching at the back of his neck.

"It was amazing!" Nagisa replied, smiling back at him.

"Well, I'd give you a hug, but your hands are kinda full..."

"Oh. Yeah. Heh. Well, it's the thought that counts." They sat there in awkward silence for a moment.

"Well, goodbye then, I guess. Happy birthday, Nagisa-kun." Rei turned to walk away.

"Rei-chan, wait," Nagisa said. The tone of his voice had changed. Rei turned to face Nagisa, a questioning look on his face.

"What is it, Nagisa-kun?" he asked.

"Never mind," he said. He smiled at Rei, his demeanor changing back to how it had been. "Thanks for the scarf! It was my favorite! But don't tell Rin-chan, he would feel bad. Bye!" He turned and started walking away. Rei stood there, confused and concerned.

"Huh?" he said. But Nagisa just kept walking.


	5. Glow

Rei's lungs were burning and he could feel his muscles straining, fighting, trying to move with every last bit of energy they could. He was incredibly focused, calculating the exact speed in which he was going and exactly how much speed he needed to increase the gap. He was pushing into the water with everything he had, the tips of his fingers diving in over and over. He makes the turn, pushing off as much as he can. He's swimming even harder, faster, shooting through the water. _I have to do this._ He can barely even tell when he's above and below the water anymore, hardly grabbing any air as he bobs in and out, in and out. He can see the end and he reaches out, wishing his arms were longer. He touches the wall and stands up as Haru dives in from behind him.

They won.

* * *

 

The day after the tournament, they went out to celebrate their wins. Other than the relay, Haru had won the 100m free and Nagisa had placed a qualifying second in the 200m breaststroke. Rei had just barely lost in the butterfly and Makoto had tied with another swimmer for backstroke, but lost out because his qualifying time had just slightly been slower. They didn't mind though, just happy they had won their relay. At least they had made it to nationals at all. Rin and his team had done pretty good themselves, with Nitori placing third in breaststroke just behind Nagisa and Rin placing first in the 200m free.

"Hmmmm, what flavor should I get, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked, staring intensely at the ice cream flavors. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, leaning in.

"Don't you always get strawberry?" he asked.

"Hmmmmmmm..." he said, not really listening. Rei rolled his eyes, ordering a blueberry cone. Haru asked if they had a mackerel flavor, to which Makoto sighed. They ended up both getting chocolate. Nagisa finally went with two scoops of strawberry, which was predictable, and they walked around the shopping district with their ice cream.

"Two scoops, Nagisa? That's an awful lot of sugar," Rei nagged.

"Yeah, but I'm celebrating! You wanna try some?" he asked, holding it towards Rei with a smile. Rei wasn't too fond of strawberry and politely declined. When they had finished their ice cream, they passed by the movie theater and decided to walk in. Nagisa begged them to see a scary movie, to which Makoto heavily argued against, but they eventually saw anyway. They sat down, Nagisa with a large bucket of popcorn. Rei scoffed, trying to play off the movie as illogical since ghosts couldn't actually exist, but he could feel goose bumps rising on his skin.

Before the movie even started, Makoto was shaking, clinging to Haru's arm, who seemed completely unphased by both the movie and Makoto. Nagisa leaned forward towards the screen in extreme interest. He had always loved scary movies, something Rei just could not understand. It was about a family who had bought a house haunted by a young girl who had died in it many years ago. A little ways in, creepy, ominous music began playing and Makoto visibly began to shake more, shrinking down into his seat. Rei grabbed tightly at his arm rest, sweat building on his forehead. The daughter walked slowly towards her closet door which was creeping open ever so slightly, the hinges rusty. She reached out for the doorknob.

"DON'T OPEN IT!!" Makoto yelled, covering his face. Haru looked a little irritated, but continued watching emotionlessly. Nagisa was still, of course, extremely interested. Rei could feel his own self sinking in, but his eyes remained glued to the screen.The girl slowly opened the closest door, and the ghost popped out, it's evil face scarred and bloody. Makoto screamed, nearly fainting at the sight, and Rei jumped, letting out a small yell, before hiding behind Nagisa on instinct. Nagisa had jumped a little himself, laughing and kicking at the rush of adrenaline. He stopped though when Rei hid, shaking a little, behind him. Rei's eyes were closed tightly and he was whispering to himself, "It's just a movie, just a movie..."

As he sat there, he suddenly felt a hand on his own. It was warm and soft, the fingers slowly lacing between his and giving a little squeeze. Rei stopped shaking and looked up at Nagisa who smiled at him.

"It's okay Rei-chan, it's not real," he said. Rei could feel his face getting hot and his heart pounded in his chest, although whether it was from love or fear he wasn't sure.

"O-okay," he said quietly. He leaned back up, no longer hiding. Nagisa smiled at him again before turning back to the screen. Rei watched him out of the corner of his eye, not looking back to the movie. His hand felt heavy and it was as if the nerve endings there suddenly got more sensitive, feeling every inch of skin that touched Nagisa's hand. Rei stared at Nagisa for almost the rest of the movie, losing the plot at some point. But he didn't care about the movie anymore. Nagisa was holding his hand. He loved seeing his reactions, from the moments he was scared to the moments he was laughing. When the movie had finally ended, Nagisa turned towards Rei.

"That was fun, huh?" he asked. Rei was so focused on Nagisa he almost forgot to answer. He shook his head, embarrassed.

"Oh, uh, yeah, it was nice. Scary, despite how illogical the existence of ghosts are," he responded, fixing his glasses. They were still holding hands.

"We should probably go now," Haru said. He was holding up Makoto who's face was stark white. He looked horribly spooked and Rei felt kind of bad for him. "Um..." Haru said, looking at their hands. Rei could feel his face flush and they both quickly released their hands nervously, blushing and laughing.

"Oh, we were just--"

"He was scared and I was--"

"It's not what you think!"

They trailed off in their excuses and Haru just raised an eyebrow at them. They finally just stood, both still blushing, and followed Haru, and a very weak Makoto, out of the theater. By then it was dusk, the sun just having barely set. They caught the train, heading home. They managed to bring Makoto back a little with some cookies Nagisa had saved and decided it was best not to discuss the movie in front of him. Haru and Makoto soon reached their stop and exited, waving goodbye at Nagisa and Rei as the doors closed. It was late on a weekend and there weren't very many people on the train. It was awkwardly silent as they sat there, twiddling their thumbs and looking around. Rei kept thinking about Nagisa's hand and blushing, wondering what it meant. _Obviously it was only because he had been scared. Surely it couldn't have possibly meant something else._ _Right?_ When they reached their stop, Rei started to get up to exit, but Nagisa grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down.

"Wah--" Rei said as he flopped back down in his seat. The doors began to close.

"I want to show you something. Get off at the next stop with me," Nagisa said seriously.

"What? But the trains will stop running and we'll have to walk back--"

"That's fine. You were in track so walking shouldn't be an issue, right?" he said, looking up at Rei and smiling. Rei was confused, but the doors had already closed so he sighed in defeat.

"Okay, fine. But can you at least tell me what we're seeing?" Nagisa just smirked, not looking at Rei. "Nagisaaaaa!" he complained, shaking him. Nagisa laughed at Rei's impatience. He had really picked up the impatience thing from Nagisa.

When they got off, Nagisa stood at the stop for a moment, looking around with a questioning face. Rei began to feel doubtful that Nagisa actually had anything planned and wasn't just dragging Rei around on some random adventure.

"Nagisa-kun, are you sure yo--" he began.

"Oh, this way!" Nagisa said, grabbing Rei by the wrist and pulling him in some random direction.

"Ahh! Nagisa-kun, slow down!" he yelled as Nagisa went racing off with him in tow. They ran up a small dirt hill along a path that went a ways. It was lined by plants and shrubs, leading into a small grove of trees. "Nagisa-kun, what is--" but Nagisa came to a dead stop. Rei looked up at the small meadow before him, surrounded by trees.

Thousands of fireflies inhabited the area. Rei gasped.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Nagisa said. He slowly moved his hand down from Rei's wrist to his hand. Rei was so entranced by the magnificent site before him that he didn't even notice, his fingers curling around Nagisa's naturally.

"Nagisa-kun, this is...this is amazing," he said quietly. He walked forward into the hoard of fireflies, Nagisa trailing behind him. He stared at the little bugs up close, a few landing on his shoulders for a moment before taking off again. He had never seen anything so fantastic in all his life.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa said. Rei turned around to face him, surprised by his serious voice. He still seemed unaware of their intertwined hands. "I brought you here because I wanted you to see this. It's one of my favorite places," he said. He was smiling softly at Rei, his eyes focused in on him. Rei felt his face flush as Nagisa stared at him. He was illuminated by the fireflies around him, and Rei's heart skipped a beat. He could feel his throat tighten and the way Nagisa looked at him made Rei want to kiss him.

"Nagisa-kun..." he said, adoration in his voice.

"Rei, I--" he began. He looked away, his face turning red.

"What is it, Nagisa-kun?" he asked. He had never heard Nagisa use his name without a suffix before. He could feel Nagisa squeeze his hand and he looked down, finally realizing they were intertwined.

"Rei-chan, I like you." Rei's head snapped up to look at Nagisa. His face was bright red and he looked terribly embarrassed, but his expression was serious and determined. His eyes bounced around, examining Rei's expression.

Rei's entire world froze. The fireflies and the trees were still. He couldn't hear the wind or even Nagisa impatiently and nervously ask, "Well?" All he could hear was the sound of his heart beating in his ears. Without thinking, without any kind of calculation or decision, without any kind of hesitation, Rei leaned forward and pressed his lips to Nagisa's. Nagisa's eyes were wide in surprise as Rei kissed him, but he soon sank into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Rei's neck and standing up on his toes. Rei moved his hands to Nagisa's waist, warapping around him and pulling him in closer. When they broke the kiss, Rei leaned his forehead on Nagisa's, still holding him. Rei's lips tingled and his entire body filled with warmth, pure ecstasy rising up inside him. _Am I dreaming?_ Nagisa suddenly started laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks and Rei opened his eyes, shocked.

"N-Nagisa-kun?! Are you alright?" He asked in panic, leaning back.

"I'm perfect, Rei-chan!" he replied, wrapping himself around Rei even tighter. He leaned his head against Rei's chest, still laughing. Rei was a little bewildered, but he laughed too, feeling bubbles rise up from inside him and out his mouth in the form of giggles. They sat there for a moment, surrounded by fireflies, just laughing. When the laughter had passed, Nagisa looked up at Rei again, smiling wide. Rei raised an eyebrow at him, but was smiling softly as well. Nagisa's smile faded slightly and he stared at Rei's lips, his eyelids drooping a little. The look made Rei's spine quiver. Nagisa slowly lifted himself up more to meet Rei's mouth again and Rei gladly bent down to meet him in the middle.

And there they kissed, in a small meadow surrounded by trees, and full of fireflies.


	6. When I Met You

The October air was a refreshing cool after a hot summer. Rei let the air in through his windows, enjoying the perfect weather. Tomorrow was Halloween, one of Nagisa's favorite holidays. Rei didn't really understand the appeal himself, but he enjoyed the way Nagisa had meticulously prepped for it all month, choosing which houses to hit and what costume he would wear. Rei thought they were far too old to go trick-or-treating, but he wasn't going to deny Nagisa his fun. Rei had picked out a festive kimono to wear, despite Nagisa's pleas that he dress up in cosplay. He brushed his teeth and rinsed his face before climbing into bed, yawning as he pulled the sheets up to his neck. He thought about Nagisa as he fell asleep. They had been dating for about a month, ever since the night they had kissed while surrounded by fireflies. Unfortunately, since no one knew, they hadn't really been able to go on any serious dates. Nagisa would come over to Rei's house quite often and they'd "study" together, but Rei was often busy with schoolwork and Nagisa's sisters teased him enough about being such close friends with Rei. Rei decided he didn't really care for Nagisa's sisters.

They had managed to go on a small picnic one afternoon. Rei had brought some finely made sandwiches and Nagisa, of course, had brought sweets. They enjoyed themselves though, feeding each other grapes and laughing about how utterly cliche it was. Nagisa had climbed a tree, much to Rei's discontent, but managed to coax Rei into the tree with him. They shared secrets and kissed and Rei couldn't help but think of that old elementary school rhyme, _Rei and Nagisa sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g..._

As Rei drifted to sleep, the rhyme repeating itself over and over in his head.

* * *

 

Before him he could see the ocean. It was a bright, sunny day and gulls flew overhead, following his boat. He hoisted up a heavy net full of fish, throwing out a few crabs that got stuck in with them. He whistled as he gutted them, throwing the valuable meat into the below-deck storage. When nightfall came, he entered his small, one-man cabin and began to undress, his boots smelling heavily of fish and seawater. His arms were sore from hoisting nets, but he felt happy. He was eating when he heard the other boat come near. He came out onto the deck to see what was happening. A pirate ship dropped anchor right beside him. In a panic, he ran to where his anchor sat, getting splinters in his bare feet. He began to hoist it up as quickly as he could, but already two men had swung over from their enormous ship, landing roughly. Rei shook in fear, turning to see them.

"Give us all of your gold," they said flatly. They didn't have any kind of unnatural accent. Pirates weren't scurvy ocean scum. They were dangerous thieves. Branded on one of the men's foreheads was the letter 'p'. Rei gulped.

"I-I don't have any," he said. He was being honest. He was a fisherman, not royalty. They gripped the helms of their swords, stepping forward.

"Give us what you have," he said, more menacing than even before. Rei nodded, sweeping his hands out at his boat.

"This is it. This is everything I have," he said. They looked down at the boat, examining it. Then one of the men grabbed Rei by the arm, yanking him.

"Come with us," they said, turning. He fought their grip, yelling out for help. They were incredibly strong and had little issue carrying him over to their boat. They forced him to his knees before tying his hands behind him. They picked him back up and lead him to the captain's cabin where they shoved him inside. A man with long, blonde hair sat in a chair with his legs propped up on a large chest that was being used as some sort of table or desk.

"This guy has nothin' valuable. Want us to kill him?" they asked matter-of-factly.

"No! No, please don't kill me! I-I'm sorry I don't have more to give you, I--" he blabbered.

"Shut up," the man said. His voice was surprisingly high. Rei shook where he stood. The man stood up, looking down. His hair covered his face as he walked towards Rei. He was short, shorter than Rei. When he stood in front of him, he slowly looked up, checking his body. Rei expected his face to be cold and harsh, but was stunned by what he saw. The man's face was round and soft, his eyes wide and pink. There was something incredibly familiar about him, as if they had met before. They both stared at each other silently as if trying to remember something.

"Um, sir? Your orders?" one of the men asked.

"Leave him here. He interests me," he said.

"Seriously, this guy? You want _this_ guy to work for you? He's too small!" the burly man complained.

"I didn't ask for your fucking opinion, did I?" he shot back at him. The man was silent.

"No sir."

"Good. Now leave." Both of the men let Rei go and left. Rei dropped to his knees, his legs weak from fright. Outside, the men had already contained his fishing boat.

"What is your name?" the man asked. Rei didn't recognize the name he gave him. "Your first name. We're pirates, there's no need for formalities," the main said. Rei gulped.

"Rei," he said quietly. The captain leaned down so he would be on the same level as him. He grabbed Rei's chin, forcing him to look at him. His spine quivered as the man's wide pink eyes looked him over with deep scrutiny. Then, without warning, the blonde leaned in and kissed him. He only sat there quietly, accepting it. He didn't know what else to do. The man suddenly released the kiss with a gasp, sitting back. Rei only continued to shake. _Was he a slave now? Is this what pirates did? Kidnapped young men and forced them into sex?_

"I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to do that," the man said softly. His face was incredibly young. He seemed confused now, staring at Rei in bewilderment. It was almost as if Rei had kissed _him_ instead of the other way around. "Did...did you feel something?" he asked. Rei only stared back at him. "Oh! Um, sorry, I'm Nagisa. I'm the captain, although I'm sure you already knew that." There was an awkward silence and Nagisa's cheeks began to turn a little red. He rubbed the back of his neck, not looking at Rei. _This is the oddest kidnapping,_ Rei thought.

"Stand up," he said to Rei. Rei stood, still weak. His knees bent inwards, resting against each other. Nagisa stood next, walking behind Rei to undo the ropes. Rei rubbed his wrists, surprised. "I'm not going to hold you here or keep you. You don't have anything valuable and killing you just doesn't feel...right." He seemed unsure of himself as he spoke. "But before you go can I ask you to kiss me once again?" He was still embarrassed and Rei wasn't sure how to respond. This was so strange and Rei thought he must be having a hallucination from being out at sea too long. But he was being set free and would have honestly done anything to live, so he nodded, closing his eyes and leaning in a little towards the man.

Rough lips met his own. They were gentle as they moved against his and suddenly something within him sparked. It was like a hearth, warm and comforting. It reminded him of being home on land, swaddled in blankets with warm tea. He instinctively lifted his hands to cup Nagisa's face, leaning into the kiss. Nagisa wrapped his arms around Rei's neck, pulling him down and closer. They parted their mouths, their tongues brushing each other. The warmth only grew and Rei was pushing back, his hands coming to Nagisa's side. Soon, they were both breathing hard, their foreheads touching. Nagisa leaned back against the chest in the center of the room, Rei towering over him. His hands felt Nagisa's chest and he couldn't stop. _He didn't know this man. He had_ just met _this man._ He had never even been in love before, not seeing it as something crucial to his life. Yet, his hands were taking off Nagisa's jacket. His pants grew tighter and he felt needier. He needed more. He stood back for a moment to look at Nagisa. His hair was tousled every which way and he was half disrobed, his shirt slightly unbuttoned and hanging off his shoulder. His face was pink and sweat dripped from his forehead. He breathed heavily, giving lustful eyes to Rei. Rei grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him down onto the chest.

And then they were falling.

Rei was hanging over the side of the boat, grasping onto Nagisa's hand for dear life. Tears were streaming out of his eyes as the waves crashed mercilessly into the side of the ship. The dream had shifted and now he was caught in the midst of a storm.

"Nagisa!" he cried, "Hold on! I've got you, okay? Just hold on!" Nagisa didn't look scared though. He looked at Rei with concern and love and sorrow. It was raining too hard for him to see the tears on Nagisa's cheeks. Water spilled over the sides and the people on board behind him were yelling commands and running around in panic.

"Rei!" he yelled up, "It's okay! This is supposed to happen," But Rei shook his head angrily.

"No! Nothing is set in stone, please, I can save you, I can--" but his grip was slowly slipping and everyone else was too preoccupied with saving themselves to notice their situation.

"Let go!" he yelled out.

"NO!" Rei screamed. He could barely see anything through the storm and his tears. His hand was so slippery.

"Rei, I love you," he said calmly. Rei let out a sob. _He was going to lose him. He was going to lose the love of his life_. "Rei, I promise, we will meet again. I promise it and when we do, we'll fall in love all over again. I love you, so much," Nagisa cried out. His voice broke at the end.

"I love you too," Rei sobbed out in response. "I--NO!" Nagisa's fingers finally finished slipping through his and Rei watched in horror as he fell into the sea below. His face was solemn, accepting. Rei screamed out in pain, reaching towards where Nagisa had hit the water. The waves were still crashing into the boat and Rei never saw him resurface. He screamed at the water, crying and clutching at his chest. He could feel himself crumple in, as if his entire chest cavity was going to collapse.

No one heard him over the raging storm.

* * *

 

Rei awoke from his dream with a start, sitting straight up in bed. His heart raced and sweat dripped off his forehead. The dream had shocked him and he grabbed at his chest, waiting for his pace to slow down and the adrenaline to leave his system. The dream had been incredibly vivid, each color and sound and detail closer to a memory than a dream. _What was that about?_ He tried to let it go, getting up out of bed. It was still a little early to be up, but he wasn't going back to sleep any time soon. He dressed quietly, the dream still playing in the back of his head. He made himself breakfast and was eating when his parents got up.

"Rei? You're up early," his mother said, yawning.

"Yeah. I had a bad dream so I couldn't get back to sleep," he told her. Although not _all_ of it was bad.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. It was just a dream though," she said, pouring herself some tea.

"Yeah, I suppose." But he just couldn't shake the feeling it was something more. He finished his meal, kissing his mother on the cheek before leaving. They still had school that day so he went to his usual stop and waited. A few minutes after arriving, Nagisa showed up. It wasn't yet cold enough to wear anything too heavy, but Nagisa had the scarf Rei had given him wrapped around his neck. Rei couldn't help but smile a little bit at the sight.

"Hey, Rei-chan!" he said, running up to him and wrapping Rei tightly around the waist.

"Good morning, Nagisa-kun." Rei hugged him back, but looked around nervously to check for people watching. There was never anyone besides them at this stop and so he reached down to lift Nagisa's chin up and gave him a quick kiss. Nagisa giggled, rubbing their noses together. Then, with a gasp, he stood up straight.

"Rei-chan! Do you know what today is?" he said with a big smile across his face. Rei had completely forgotten that morning due to his dream distracting him. He sighed as Nagisa reached into his bag, fishing around for something. He pulled out a mask, putting it on before whipping around to get right up close in his face. Rei shrieked at the gruesome thing, surprised. Behind it, Nagisa giggled manically.

"It's Halloween!" he said cheerfully, taking it off. Rei's face was pale and he looked displeased.

"Yes, thank you for the reminder," he said grimly, fixing his glasses. Nagisa put the mask away as the train pulled up and they boarded together. They held hands as they rode to the school, Nagisa snacking on something and Rei reading. No one ever noticed them there, too preoccupied with their own lives to pay any attention to two boys holding hands on a train. Classes went pretty normally. They hung out on the roof with Makoto and Haru at lunch. The swim season had ended so they no longer had swim practice after school, but they still remained good friends. Gou would come by every so often too, usually to chastise Nagisa about his poor eating habits. Rei liked his life as it was. He shared some of his food with Nagisa and Makoto noticed them sitting closely together.

"You sure have gotten close ever since nationals," he said, taking a bite of food. Both of them instantly looked nervous.

"What? Us? No, we're just like we've always been!" Nagisa said, obviously hiding something.

"Yeah, nothing is different! See?" Rei turned to Nagisa with a forced look of irritation. "Nagisa-kun, stop eating all my food!" he said angrily, smacking him lightly on the arm. Nagisa sputtered.

"Rei-chan, what was that for?!" he yelled back, serious. Rei waved his hands in defense.

"No, no, I was just--"

"That was mean! You offered me that food!" Nagisa pouted, crossing his arms and turning away from Rei. Rei panicked, trying to convince Nagisa it was only for Makoto's sake. Makoto laughed.

"Never mind, you guys haven't changed at all!" he said. Both of them turned to look at Makoto and sighed in relief. They wanted to tell their friends, but they just didn't know how. It wasn't exactly the same as saying they had girlfriends. Rei fell asleep in class after having woken up so early and Nagisa spent the time tying bows in his hair from some pieces of string he had. When Rei woke up, he didn't even notice until Haru pointed them out in the hallway and Nagisa laughed as Rei yanked them out, yelling at Nagisa with red cheeks. Rei forgave him when he pulled him aside behind a tree and gave him a long but simple kiss before taking his hand and heading towards the train. It was unusually loud today as teenagers talked about the upcoming night and what they would be wearing. Nagisa himself was blabbering away to the girl next to them about his costume, practically bouncing up and down in his seat at the excitement. Rei smiled at his enthusiasm, squeezing his hand. When they exited, they walked a little ways together before reaching their separating point. They kissed goodbye, promising to meet each other later for the night.

Rei ate a light snack before getting ready. Pumpkins sat outside their home and his mother prepared a small bowl of candy to hand out. Rei straightened out his kimono in the mirror, smiling slightly. This was a date, after all. Normally, the entire swim team would go together, but Makoto had to go with Ren and Ran and Haru was handing out candy. Rin was going with his teammates and Gou was going with her own friends. That left Nagisa and Rei to go alone, something Rei was grateful for, even if he thought trick-or-treating was a little ridiculous. He grabbed his things and said goodbye to his mother before ducking out the door. When he reached the fork, he waited patiently for a minute, checking his watch. Perfectly on time, as usual.

"Rei-chan!" Nagisa yelled, waving as he ran up to him. He jumped onto Rei, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him. Rei's glasses went crooked and he sighed, but hugged Nagisa back. Nagisa backed away from the hug then, posing in front of him, arms spread out. "What do you think?" he asked, gesturing towards his costume. Rei laughed.

"How am I not surprised?" he asked, fixing his glasses. Nagisa stood in a full body penguin kigurumi, complete with an empty pillow case for collecting candy. He gleamed up at Rei, practically sparkling. He looked adorable and it made Rei want to take him home rather than trick-or-treating. He remembered the dream and had to keep from blushing at the thought of Nagisa half undressed and disheveled. He had seen Nagisa shirtless and even naked plenty of times, but never in a manner that could be considered sexual.

"Ready?" Nagisa asked, linking his arm through Rei's. Rei smiled, nodding.

"Of course."

They took the train down near the school where there were more houses and people. Children ran about, screaming and laughing from the frights. A haunted house was being hosted in the school and people waited in line to buy tickets and enter. A few vendors sat about selling popcorn and masks and adults were setting off fireworks and drinking. One of the houses they went to was even hosting a party inside and when Nagisa asked for candy, they reluctantly dropped some in his bag, asking, "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?" They walked around together for about an hour or so, Nagisa's bag getting heavier and heavier. Once in awhile he'd reach into the bag and pop a piece of candy in his mouth. He held Rei's hand between houses and complimented people's costumes and cosplays, getting especially excited over the scarier ones. Rei bought him a candy apple at one point and they sat down on a curb to take a break.

"Are you having a good time, Nagisa-kun?" Rei asked as Nagisa chewed. He swallowed before turning to Rei.

"Of course I am! Look at all this candy I've got. Plus, you're here," he said, smiling. Rei blushed a little, pushing his glasses up and clearing his throat. They sat there in a content silence for a moment while Nagisa ate more of his apple. Rei looked up at the stars, not as bright because of all the town's lights. "What are you thinking about, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked innocently. Rei was surprised by the question, but looked at Nagisa and answered truthfully.

"I was thinking about when I first realized I liked you, Nagisa-kun," he said. Nagisa seemed a bit taken aback by Rei's response, but retaliated.

"When was that?"

"I...I'm not actually sure. I mean, I knew it wasn't just a passing crush on our day at the aquarium, but I liked you before that," he said, a little embarrassed. Nagisa looked at him thoughtfully. He had finished his apple and discarded the stick into his bag of candy and empty wrappers.

"For me it was when I thought you were going to leave the swim club," Nagisa said, his face serious but light. He had a soft but somewhat solemn and gentle smile on his face. Rei stared at him, intrigued. "I knew I was attracted to you, but I thought that was normal. A lot of girls would talk about how handsome you are, but would say you were too serious to confess to. I remember feeling a little jealous, but I always pushed that feeling away." He looked away from Rei, his cheeks a little red.

"Nagisa-kun..." Rei said, his heart beating harder than usual. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach fluttering around.

"And when I thought you were going to leave, I felt devastated. I couldn't imagine the team without you and then I thought about what kissing you would be like and--," he stopped, his face even redder, looking both embarrassed and pained. It was obviously not easy for Nagisa to remember those feelings. Rei reached out, turning Nagisa's face towards his.

"Nagisa, I would never, _ever_ , leave you," he said. Nagisa nodded lightly, his eyes glossed over. Rei bent in and planted a gentle but passionate kiss on his lips. Nagisa reached up and wrapped his fingers into Rei's hair, kissing him back harder. Rei lost himself in the moment, leaning over Nagisa more than what was probably appropriate in public, but no one was near them. Nagisa breathed heavily between their kisses, his cheeks still flushed. Rei's glasses even fogged up a little and he bunched his hand into a fist at his side as he felt himself get aroused. He tasted like sugar. Then, without warning, they heard a loud pop that made them both jump in surprise. They immediately separated, staring at each other in shock. Children came running around the corner, laughing and throwing down firecrackers that made loud cracking sounds as they hit the cement. The children passed by and Rei and Nagisa sat there, catching their breath and staring at each other in embarrassment. Finally, Rei spoke.

"We should probably get going if, you know, you want to hit all the houses," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away. The fog slowly dissipated from the lens of his glasses.

"Okay," Nagisa said, taking Rei's hand. Rei looked at him again and Nagisa gave him a reassuring smile. Rei relaxed and they both stood up to walk around some more. When the night came to an end, they boarded the last train home. Nagisa fell asleep on Rei's shoulder and he traced patterns into the back of Nagisa's hand. Rei walked him home, silent as they went. Nagisa yawned sleepily when they reached the door.

"I had a good time with you tonight, Nagisa-kun," Rei said, smiling.

"Me too," Nagisa replied. They kissed lightly before Rei turned to leave. But as he took a step away, Nagisa wrapped his arms around Rei's waist from behind.

"I would never leave you either, Rei-chan," he said quietly. Rei turned and hugged him back.

"I know," he said. He felt a warmth deep inside him. He had never been so happy.

That night when Rei climbed into bed, his eyelids drooping, he thought about what Nagisa had said and the moment they had shared, completely forgetting his dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nooo idea if halloween is a widespread thing in japan, i looked it up a little and it looks like they do participate, but i'm sorry if that isn't accurate (^u^;)


	7. A Goodnight Kiss

Outside it was snowing lightly. The sun was just rising and a light fog covered the streets. Rei could feel the cold biting at his toes and he curled himself up tighter in his blanket. He couldn't escape it though and his eyes opened slowly, fluttering as he gained consciousness. He sat up slowly, stretching and yawning. He had bed-head and could use a shower. He lazily threw his legs over the edge of his bed and got up, still half asleep. Winter always made him feel sleepier than usual. He grabbed his towel and headed for the bathroom. The water was warm and relaxing, melting away the cold he had felt sticking to his skin like a thin layer of sleet. He stood in the stream, eyes closed, still waking up. Rei liked mornings like these. They felt peaceful and pure, just a simple routine. He had spent almost all of last night studying for finals. He washed his hair and brushed his teeth before getting out and drying off, changing into the clothes he had left neatly folded in a pile on the sink counter. As he was stepping into his pants, his head snapped up. _Oh, that's right._ Today was his birthday.

He had been so tired that morning that he had nearly forgotten. His friends would be coming over later that day to celebrate. Rei had requested they don't go anywhere, never wanting to make a a big ordeal out of his birthday. He liked spending it at home with his family and, for possibly the first time in his life, with his friends. Last year there had been a storm and the trains had shut down for the day, keeping everyone home. Nagisa had stopped by with a cake, snow and ice in his hair. His teeth chattered and he stuttered as he wished Rei a happy birthday. Rei could remember how Nagisa's devotion made his heart skip, but he had been in denial at the time of having any kind of feelings towards the blonde. Oh, how things had changed.

Rei turned the corner into the kitchen hesitantly, trying to stay unnoticed, but was unsuccessful.

"Happy birthday, son!" his parents yelled as he opened a cabinet to grab a bowl. He flinched a little, embarrassed.

"Ah, thank you," he said sheepishly. A gift wrapped in purple paper and a card on top sat on the kitchen table. He made himself breakfast and ate while his parents chatted before his mother pushed the gift towards him. "You really didn't have to get me a gift," he insisted. He was 17 after all.

"Nonsense! You're our son and we love you. Now open it," she retaliated. His father stood behind her, sipping his coffee. He had work that morning, but didn't have to leave just yet. Rei sighed, taking the card and opening the envelope. He read it, smiling at the kind words written within. He then took the gift and carefully unwrapped it without actually ripping the paper. He opened the box to see a new bathing suit, folded and waiting. It was completely purple with two vertical white stripes down the side. It was simple, but beautiful, and Rei could tell it was expensive. He stared at it as he held it up in front of him, surprised and touched.

"We know how much the swim team means to you and we thought you could use a bathing suit that fit you outside of competition. We're so proud of you, Rei," his mother said. His father sipped his coffee.

"I know you can't wear it until summer, but maybe we can go to the beach next summer and you could teach your old man to swim as beautifully as you do," his father said. Rei had never learned to swim because neither of his parents had and he smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh, and your brother sent you something too." His mother reached across the table to hand him an envelope with a stamp in the corner and their address on the front. He opened it, taking the card out and reading it. His face looked irritated as he read it in his brother's voice. Rei liked his brother, but at the same time had always been very different from him. Rei thanked his parents for the gift before his father left for work. His mother cleaned up their things and Rei took the suit to his bedroom, putting it away. It was about noon when the doorbell rang. Rei sighed nervously before fixing his hair and opening the door. Nagisa stood on the porch, nearly jumping up and down with excitement. He had a giant smile plastered across his face and Rei could see his breath in the cold. He wore the scarf Rei had given him, having worn it almost every day since it got cold enough.

"Hello, Nagi-" he managed before Nagisa jumped up and wrapped his arms around Rei's neck.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REI-CHAN!!" he yelled, forcing Rei to stumble back from the weight. He laughed, used to Nagisa's attacks of affection by this point. He wrapped his own arms around Nagisa's waist, hugging him in closely and intimately. They sat there, holding each other for a moment before pulling back. Rei wanted to kiss him, but his mother was just around the corner and Rei didn't want to test his luck. They stared at each other, both smiling.

"Oh, is that Nagisa?" his mother called out from the other room. Nagisa broke their stare, walking past Rei to wave at his mother in the kitchen.

"Hello Auntie!" he said. He then took Rei by the hand and led him into the living room so they could sit and talk. Conversation with Nagisa was natural for Rei and they spoke of the weather and finals. Nagisa, of course, hated studying and asked Rei how he could stand doing math. He would then remember something he learned while studying history and excitedly talk about it, posing and using different voices to imitate the historical figures. Rei listened attentively, entranced by Nagisa's enthusiastic face. Soon the doorbell rang again and Rei got up to open it. Makoto, Haru, and Rin wished him a happy birthday as he invited them in. Nagisa waved them over and they occupied the small couch quickly, leaving little room in the cramped living area. But Rei liked that feeling. It was the first time he had had this many people over for something, especially his birthday. They set their gifts on the coffee table, taking off their coats and resting them on the arms of the couch. They conversed for awhile, talking about graduation coming up. Rin was, of course, going for the Olympics. Makoto was going to college in Tokyo if his scores were good enough and even Haru had been offered a job working at coach Sasabe's swim club. His mother brought them snacks that they quickly devoured.

They played charades and other games, Nagisa getting out the giant die he had made for them to play the same game they had played at the training camp from their first year. The only difference was that, this time, Rin was added and Nagisa had put his own name twice, rather than Rei's. At one point, Nagisa rolled and got Rin. He asked him to tell a story about Sousuke and they all laughed as Rin told them about the time he had a wet dream and spoke in his sleep about it. When they grew tired of that game, Nagisa decided it was time for them to open gifts. They were all drinking tea and leaning against each other, the cold air making them want to feel cozy.

"Ah, we really don't have to--" Rei began. He always felt so embarrassed opening gifts.

"Don't be silly, Rei-chan! This is why we're here, isn't it?" Nagisa said, pushing a random gift towards him. Rei sighed but didn't argue, taking the gift. Haru nodded towards him.

"That one is from me," he said. Rei remembered how awful his gift to Nagisa had been and he felt a bit nervous as he unwrapped it. Sure enough, it was a cutting board with a dolphin design in the center. It was nice, but a bit odd of a gift. However, Rei smiled, setting it aside.

"Thank you, Haruka-senpai," he said. His mother examined the cutting board herself while he opened the next gift. It was from Makoto this time and he smiled softly as Rei carefully removed the wrapping. Rin complained about him taking too long and Rei retaliated, saying he liked to save the beautiful paper. The gift was a gorgeous pair of running shoes, complete with a butterfly on the heel. Makoto was excellent at giving gifts and Rei was glad to have such an observant friend. Rin smiled proudly the same way he did at Nagisa's birthday as Rei opened up his gift next. Rei gave a strained look as he lifted up a tissue box dispenser. It was decorated simply with just a single red stripe going around it. Rin gleamed, waiting.

"Well? Isn't it great?" he asked. Rei swallowed, nodding. He wasn't sure whose was worse; Haru's obviously self-interested gifts or Rin's completely clueless and only slightly practical ones. He set it aside and looked over at Nagisa. He had no idea how good Nagisa was at giving gifts. In fact, he didn't even remember Nagisa come with a gift. But Nagisa smiled at him, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box. Rei stared at it, his face turning red. _Jewelry? Isn't that a little much?_ He took the box from his hand and opened it. Inside was a silver band. Small, purple butterflies flew around the ring. Rei's breath caught in his throat as he lifted the ring out of the box with shaky fingers. Everyone else in the room disappeared.

"Look on the inside," Nagisa said simply. Rei adjusted his glasses as he brought the ring closer to face so he could read the engraving. _You are beautiful_ , it said. Rei could feel tears building in the corner of his eyes. "I wanted you to have something that reminded you of our friendship," he said. "You're my best friend, Rei-chan." Rei turned towards Nagisa and practically attacked him as he grabbed him into a tight hug that surprised even Nagisa.

"Thank you, Nagisa-kun," he said. The rest of them looked away, embarrassed by the touching moment. Rin blushed bitterly, the superiority of Nagisa's gift obvious to even him, and Makoto smiled at Haru knowingly. It was hardly even a secret anymore. Nagisa laughed, backing away from Rei.

"See? I have a matching one," he said, holding his right hand up for Rei to see. His own band had the same butterflies, but they were yellow instead of purple. "Mine doesn't have an engraving on the inside, though. That was special for you." Rei stared at him in awe and adoration. Rin cleared his throat and Rei suddenly became aware of the other three in the room. His face turned red and he sheepishly turned back around to face them. Nagisa just smiled in bliss, happiness radiating from him like it always did. Rei quietly put the band on his right ring finger.

"I think it's time for cake," Makoto said, breaking the awkward mood that had been set. He called out to Rei's mother who came in with the cake. They lit candles and sang him happy birthday and his mother took a picture as he blew out the candles, pausing to make a wish before he did. By then, the sun had set and it was getting late. They stayed and chatted some more before Haru, Makoto, and Rin had to catch the train back home. They said their goodbye and wished him a happy birthday one last time. Makoto gave him a hug and Rin punched him in the shoulder. But Haru pulled him aside, whispering to him and looking at Nagisa, "Have fun." Rei felt his face get warm and he gave Haru a look of bewilderment. A very subtle smile crossed his lips before he turned and left with the others.

Nagisa sat at the coffee table, licking frosting off his fingers from his second piece of cake. He smiled at Rei from where he sat, his face glowing. A million things ran through Rei's head at that moment. Haru's words were especially loud and the ring on his finger felt heavy, as if calling to him. He came up next to Nagisa, reaching down and grabbing him by the wrist.

"Wha--" Nagisa said as Rei yanked him up and led him down the hallway to his room. He yanked him inside, closing his door and locking it before turning back to face Nagisa. Before he could say anything, Rei was kissing him, pushing him towards his bed. Nagisa was surprised, but kissed back. Rei's kisses were sloppy and passionate, his tongue trying to taste every spot in Nagisa's mouth. Nagisa fell back on the bed as Rei leaned over him. He felt along Nagisa's chest and his lips came to his neck. Nagisa breathed heavily, his fingers pulling at Rei's hair.

"Rei-chan..." Nagisa breathed out. Rei took a step back to look at Nagisa. His face was red and his clothes were disheveled and he gave Rei a lustful look with hooded pink eyes. Rei was reminded of his dream. He pulled his shirt off and went back to ravishing Nagisa. Nagisa moaned quietly as Rei sucked at his neck. Rei's pants were tight and he wanted release desperately, but he also didn't want to push Nagisa into doing anything he wasn't ready for. He jumped when Nagisa grabbed his hand and placed it on his own erection. Rei paused to look at Nagisa. He simply nodded at Rei, kissing him roughly. Rei undid Nagisa's belt and the zipper. He reached down into his pants and under his underwear. Nagisa shivered at the touch as Rei pulled out his hard cock, stroking it slowly. He played with the head, his fingers gingerly touching him. Nagisa gasped out between kisses, his breathing heavier than even before. He moaned as Rei stroked him, pulling at his hair.

"Wai...wait," he gasped. Rei stopped, looking Nagisa in the eyes.

"Yes? Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to stop?" he asked, concerned. He didn't want to go too far and scare Nagisa. But Nagisa shook his head, his breathing trying to regulate.

"I want _you_ ," he said. He grabbed at Rei's bulge and he flinched in surprise at the contact. Rei stared at Nagisa for a moment before nodding. He had been so preoccupied with pleasing Nagisa that he had nearly forgotten that he was so aroused himself. Nagisa undid his pants, pulling them down. His slim fingers wrapped around Rei's cock and he bit his lip, whimpering. The feeling of having someone else's fingers on him felt _so good_. He closed his eyes as Nagisa stroked him. He tried to focus on the feeling without over-exciting himself. He gasped, his eyes flying open as suddenly his cock was engulfed by a wet warmness. He looked down to see Nagisa's lips around his cock, bobbing back and forth. He moaned, his fingers grabbing onto blonde hair. It felt incredible as his tongue played with the head, licking over his slit. But Rei didn't want to finish this way. He didn't want to be done before Nagisa. When Nagisa stopped to take in a breath of air, Rei stopped him.

"Sit back," he said. Nagisa nodded silently and Rei climbed onto the bed with him. He kissed along Nagisa's neck as he yanked the rest of their clothing off, now both completely naked. He played with Nagisa's cock lightly, teasing him as they kissed. Rei could taste himself in Nagisa's mouth and it made Rei feel hot. Rei sat up, facing Nagisa. He grabbed Nagisa by the hips, pulling him onto his lap so that he straddled his thighs. Nagisa seemed a little nervous, but he didn't stop Rei or try to back away. Their cocks lightly touched between them and Rei took them both in his hand and began to stroke. Nagisa moaned, his head whipping back. His arms wrapped around Rei's neck as he stroked. They were both already close to release, having never done anything like this before. They leaned their foreheads together, Rei's glasses having been lost to the floor awhile ago. Sweat dripped off them both as Rei increased the speed of his strokes. Nagisa's hands clawed into Rei's back and he bucked up into Rei's hand, whimpering.

"Rei-chan, I--" he began, but was cut off by his own yell. Nagisa came, spurting out over Rei's hand and onto their stomachs. The feel of Nagisa's orgasm and already being close to release himself made Rei moan as his balls tightened and the hormones released in his brain. He came soon after Nagisa had, gasping for air and slowing in his strokes. They both sat there, riding out the last waves of their orgasms, their backs heaving as they took in air. All that could be heard was their breathing. Outside, it had started snowing again, harder than it had earlier. Nagisa opened his eyes to look at Rei. He leaned forward and kissed him softly. Rei kissed him back and opened his eyes. They stared at each other, their breathing finally starting to even out once again. They both burst out laughing at the same time, the mixed feelings of bliss and utter shock at what they had just done overcoming them. Nagisa backed off of Rei who grabbed a towel and wiped himself off before handing it to Nagisa. He felt like showering, but also didn't want to just leave Nagisa lying in his bed while he bathed. Plus, he had already showered that day and didn't want his parents to be suspicious. They both laid down on his bed, naked, cuddling with each other. Rei felt tired after exerting so much energy and the cold weather and falling snow made him feel even sleepier. He rubbed Nagisa's back who hummed softly.

"Rei-chan?" Nagisa said. Rei looked at Nagisa.

"Hmm?" Rei murmured.

"I love you," he said softly. Rei smiled, hugging Nagisa into his chest. His heart fluttered and thudded in his chest.

"I love you too," he said. It was silent for a moment and Rei thought he might fall asleep like that.

"What did you wish for?" Nagisa asked. Rei mumbled, his eyes closed.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"When you blew out the candles, what did you wish for?" Rei chuckled.

"I can't tell you or it won't come true," he retaliated.

"Don't be silly, Rei-chan, you can tell me. I don't count," he said, leaning back a bit to look at Rei's face. The room was dim, but a little light from the street lamps came through the window, illuminating it just enough for them to see each other up close. Rei was thoughtful for a moment. Nagisa whined. "Pleeease?" he begged. Rei laughed, giving in.

"Alright, alright, fine. I wished that I would spend the rest of my life with you, Nagisa-kun," he said softly. Nagisa blinked before smiling and curling his head back into Rei's chest. Rei just wrapped his arms tighter around Nagisa, pulling the covers up and over them.

That morning when the sun was just beginning to rise and new snow sat on the ground, Rei felt the cold bite his toes again. But this time when he curled himself in to escape it, he found a comforting warmth beside him.


	8. I Love You

Rei was in his lab, reading test results of a recent experiment he'd just conducted. It hadn't turned out quite right and he needed to change the formula a bit more. He stared intently at the sheet of paper, analyzing each step, wondering where the mistake was. A light knock could be heard behind him.

"Ah, sorry, come in," he said, looking up and over his shoulder. His coworker walked in, smiling.

"Hello ______________. I just came by to introduce you to the man you'll be working with for the next six months." Rei could recognize his name, but somehow didn't hear it. Didn't register what it was. A petite man with shaggy blonde hair came in the doorway behind him. He stood next to his coworker, a polite smile on his lips. His eyes were an unusual shade of pink and Rei couldn't help but sense... _familiarity? Yes, that was it._

"This is ________ Nagisa. He was just approved to go on the mission." The man bowed.

"Hello. It's an honor to work with you, Dr. ______________," he said, smiling wide. He seemed too young to be an astronaut, but Rei didn't question it. He nodded at the man, turning back to his results.

"Well, make yourself at home. You'll be spending quite a lot of time here while I do experiments and tests on you," Rei said. The coworker left the room and Rei was focused on his work. He didn't realize the blonde man was still there.

"So what's this?" he asked over Rei's shoulder. Rei jumped at the sudden voice, turning around with an exasperated look.

"It's a failed experiment that I'm trying to correct. Now, if you'll please--"

"What did you say your name was again? Rei?" Rei sputtered, "Oh hey, you have a girly name like me!"

"We are not anywhere near that close!" Rei retorted, fixing his glasses.

"Well anyway, you can call me Nagisa. I can't wait to work with you Dr. Rei-chan!" he said, waving as he ducked out the doorway. Rei's cheeks were red from embarrassment and he huffed before turning back to his work. But he found himself unable to focus, thoughts of those pink eyes floating through his mind. He put the paper down, deciding to make himself some tea and take a break. He walked out onto the balcony, night having already fallen. The stars were beautiful and bright out here and Rei took comfort the glowing moon. He thought the moon was the most beautiful thing in the world and Rei couldn't wait to reach it.

The next day, Rei had Nagisa come into the lab for some testing. Nagisa came in at the early time Rei had insisted upon, eyes drowsy and hair a mess. He wore a tank top and sweatpants, dog tags hanging around his neck. He was surprisingly fit, although Rei wasn't sure why this was so surprising to him. He was in the military, after all. He plopped himself down on the medical cot, yawning and stretching.

"I don't see why we couldn't do this at a more reasonable hour, doc. The sun isn't even up yet," he complained. Rei clicked his tongue at him. _Where was his discipline?_  
  
"Alright, take off your shirt. I'm going to have to stick some things to you," Rei said, ignoring the casual way in which Nagisa addressed him. Nagisa smirked, leaning back in a suggestive pose.

"Oh really? What kind of things?" he teased. Rei became red, turning away from his sensual gaze.

"I-I would never do anything like that! We're both men anyway!" he said. Nagisa chuckled, leaning forward again.

"Relax, Rei-chan, I'm just messing with you." Rei sighed and Nagisa pulled his shirt off over his head. Rei found his breath halt for a slight moment at the sight. He was well-built, a thin and lanky kind of built. Strong, but lean. He had a tattoo of a penguin in a helmet on his hip, the top of it just peaking out over his sweats. Rei turned away quickly. _What was this?_

As Rei worked , Nagisa was quiet and thoughtful. About five minutes in, he looked at Rei.

"Have we met before?" he asked. Rei was surprised by his question, but didn't falter in his work.

"I don't believe so. Why do you ask?"

"Because you look really familiar, like I knew you from somewhere." Rei was reminded of his own sense of familiarity he had experienced upon seeing Nagisa. He pursed his lips, wondering whether or not to bring it up. He stayed silent and the subject was dropped. But it never left Rei's mind.

* * *

 

For the next few months, they worked together frequently. Nagisa worked out and did his training while Rei prepared tests for the mission. He became increasingly comfortable with the blonde, hardly minding his blatantly honest and brash personality. On Christmas Eve, Rei continued working despite everyone else taking a break. Many of them sat around the office, drinking, while others had gone home to visit their family. It was about 11:00 PM when Nagisa came barging into Rei's lab, flushed from drinking. He smelled of bourbon and Rei wrinkled his nose. He smiled wide as he wrapped his arm around Rei's neck, forcing him to hunch next to the shorter man.

"Reeeeiii-chaaaaan!" he said loudly. Rei grumbled in irritation.

"You're drunk, _________. You should go, I'm busy," he said, pushing Nagisa away.

"Working? But it's Christmas Eve!" Rei sighed.

"Please just leave, _________--"

"Nagisa," he interrupted.

"What?"

"Nagisa. My name is Nagisa. Please call me that," he said. He gave a surprisingly serious expression for someone so intoxicated. It looked almost...hurt.

"No one else calls you that," Rei retorted softly.

"No one else is you," he said. He wavered back and forth before falling forward. Rei reached out in a panic to catch him. He grunted at Nagisa's weight, doing his best to lift him. Nagisa laughed. "M'sorry, Rei-chan. Wow, you're so cold. Here." Nagisa wrapped his arms around Rei's waist from under his lab coat. Rei stiffened at the sudden movement, standing there in utter bewilderment. This was wrong. This was sinful and disgusting and disgraceful. _And yet..._

"Nagisa-kun."

"Hmmm?" Nagisa looked up, not even noticing that Rei had called him by his first name. Rei bent down and placed his lips on Nagisa's. It was a simple kiss that lasted for nothing more than a few seconds before Rei leaned back. _What was he_ doing _?_

"Rei..." Nagisa stood on his toes to kiss Rei again, but with more passion. They greedily kissed, their tongues brushing each other and their teeth sinking into lips. Nagisa's kisses were drunk and sloppy, but Rei lavished in it. Nagisa's hand traveled up Rei's back and Rei curled his fingers into Nagisa's hair. Their breaths could be seen in the cold room and Rei dragged Nagisa to the medical cot. He pushed him down onto it, ripping his coat off as Nagisa watched him with hooded eyes, cheeks flushed. Rei leaned over him on the cot, kissing him down his neck as Nagisa moaned. Nagisa tried to undo Rei's belt, but his numb fingers struggled with the latch. Rei, impatient, reached down and did it himself. Nagisa reached in and wrapped his fingers around Rei's cock. Rei shuttered at their cool touch.

As the night went on and they fell into each other, everyone else fell asleep in their rooms. One coworker noticed Nagisa missing from his dorm.

"Hey, where's _________?" he asked another coworker. The other coworker, drunk and sleepy, simply muttered out, "Dunno."

At 6 AM on Christmas morning, as others awoke, hung over, Nagisa and Rei slept naked, wrapped around one another on a small medical cot under a thin sheet.

* * *

 

As time went on, Rei and Nagisa kept their relationship a secret. They would often meet up in the lab after everyone else had gone to bed for their evening rendezvous. Others noted Rei's good mood and that he had stopped overworking himself so much. Rumors about whether he had gotten a girlfriend or not made their rounds in the office. Nagisa seemed completely normal, making them none the wiser. As the mission approached, Nagisa began working harder and more seriously. Rei found it extremely attractive, but said nothing.

On the day before the mission, everyone gathered together to drive out to the launch station. They double checked everything, no one sleeping. They lived off coffee into the morning. People swarmed the area, government officials, scientists, and spectators alike. An hour before take-off, Rei sat in Nagisa's prep room. They were both exhausted, but wired. Nagisa was incredibly calm, his head back and staring at the ceiling. Rei had never seen him so distant before and it gave him chills.

"Nagisa-kun?" Nagisa didn't respond. "Nagisa?" he tried again. Nagisa's eyes seemed to dilate for a moment before he turned to look at Rei.

"Oh, hmm? What is it?" he asked, returning to normal.

"Are you scared?" Nagisa looked thoughtful for a moment.

"A little. But I suppose that's normal, is it not?" They were silent again.

"I'm sure everything will go just fine. I've done all the proper calculations," Rei said, trying to break the silence. Nagisa once again had the serene look on his face.

"Rei," he said. He didn't ask it, but Rei answered anyway.

"Yes?"

"I love you," he said, looking Rei in the eyes. Rei could feel goose bumps on his arms.

"Don't say that. Everything will be fine."

"Don't you love me too?"

"No. And I'm not saying I do until you get back. Because you will." Nagisa smiled, but his eyes looked sad. For the first time since Rei had met Nagisa, he looked his age. Someone knocked on the door.

"It's time," he said. Nagisa stood, already in his gear. He grabbed his helmet and with a sigh, reached for the door. Rei stood too, straightening out his clothes. Nagisa hesitated at the door and Rei gave him a questioning look.

"Nagisa-kun, wha--" Nagisa turned suddenly and planted a kiss on Rei's lips. It was strong and desperate. Rei could feel the fear behind it, the tension. It didn't last long enough when Nagisa pulled away. He looked incredibly intense but quickly turned his expression into a happy one.

"Wish me luck!" he said cheerfully before turning around and exiting out the door. Rei remained there, winded.

It was 10 seconds before countdown. Rei ran about the station, yelling out orders and prepping machines. Others sat at their desks, typing quickly. Papers fluttered about everywhere as people rushed to and fro.

"Countdown is going to begin, doctor," someone said to him.

"Okay, begin," he said, clicking on his headset. "Are you ready, _________?"

"Roger," he responded. An in-cabin camera showed Nagisa working diligently, switching things on as the countdown was displayed. It began to count down from 30.

"Alright. Start the engine. Get the fuel jets ready. Is ---- secure?" Rei realized he had no idea what he was saying, but everyone else understood him. 20 seconds.

"Engine is on. Signal from mission control is strong. Ready for blastoff," Nagisa reported. Rei nodded. Ten seconds.

"Alright everyone, get ready," Rei said.

Nine seconds.

"Everything looks good. We're ready, doctor," someone reported.

Eight seconds.

"Wait, there's something odd about this here."

Seven seconds.

"What? What is it? Show me."

Six seconds.

"No. Oh no. This isn't right."

Five seconds.

"What should we do, doctor?"

Four seconds.

"We have to fix it. It's a simple fix if we had more time."

Three seconds.

"There isn't enough time--"

Two seconds.

"We can fix it! Just--"

One second.

"We--we have to stop him! Stop the countdown!"

Blast off.

The roaring sound of the rocket taking off could be heard over the sounds of their panicked voices. It was too late.

"No! No, stop him! I can fix this, just--" but Rei could already see on the monitor the bottom of the rocket begin to shake. He could see it all come crashing down in front of him. He knew this would ruin his career. It would shame him for years to come. But none of that mattered to him in that moment.

"NAGISA!" he screamed into his headset. Nagisa could be seen on the cabin camera trying to change the settings in desperation. The entire cabin shook violently, much more than it should. His face looked determined and focused as his fingers flew about the switches. But nothing he did would save him. He realized this and his hand sank away from the switches. He relaxed where he was, leaning back. A peaceful look overcame him and his eyes seemed melancholy.

"I'm sorry, Rei," he said. A few tears streamed down his cheeks. Rei was sobbing, ignoring everyone else around him.

"N-Nagisa! Nagisa I lov--" but the transmission was cut. Outside a large blast could be heard. Spectators screamed and ran as chunks of the shuttle went flying. Rei screamed out in agony, collapsing onto the floor in front of the now static screen. The entire room fell silent. People cried silently and the only sound that could be heard was Rei's sobs.

* * *

 

A week after the incident as Rei collected his things from the lab he would be leaving, he noticed something on the floor beneath the cot. He bent down to pick it up. Dog tags With Nagisa's name on them. Rei could feel his chest collapse in on itself again and he couldn't breathe. His hand shook and his vision blurred over from his tears. He brought the tags up to his lips and kissed them as he fell apart all over again.

"When we meet again, I promise I'll tell you those words everyday of my life."

* * *

 

Rei sat straight up from the incredibly vivid dream. His heart pounded in his chest and sweat clung to his body, despite the cold winter air. He reached for his phone, checking the time. 3 AM. But he couldn't seem to shake of the feeling of dread and dialed Nagisa's number. It rang three times before someone picked up.

"Hmm? Rei-chan? Is everything okay?" he said sleepily. He sounded slightly irritated. Nagisa hated being woken up.

"Um, yeah I just--I just had a bad dream is all. I'm okay. Sorry to wake you."

"Mmmkay well, goodnight then."

"Wait!"

"Whaaaaat?"

"I love you," Rei said. There was silence for a moment and Rei thought Nagisa had fallen back asleep. "Nagisa?"

"I love you too," Nagisa said quietly. Rei sighed out in relief, the dread leaving him.

"Goodnight."

"'Night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was originally supposed to be part of the last chapter and rei has a dream after they have their first ~sexual expierience~ but then it ended up being longer than i intended and i decided i wanted their night to be happy and pure so yeah that's why this entire chapter is a dream. it should take place some time around new years in early january idk ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	9. I Knew You

"Come on! Faster! Push it!" Kou yells over the sound of the splashing water. "Use those glorious muscles!" Rei sighs, rubbing his nose between his fingers. She hadn't changed a bit in the three years Rei had known her. The first year student reached the end of the pool and gasped for air. Kou recorded his time on her clipboard, pursing her lips and frowning slightly. The boy looked down in disappointment, afraid of Kou yelling at him. Rei smiled softly out of understanding. Being the slowest on the team was never a good feeling. He approached the first year, squatting down next to his lane.

"Don't feel too down," he said, "Kou is just a tough manager. With enough training, you'll be sure to master the techniques."

"You could even swim as beautifully as Rei-chan!" Nagisa piped in from over his shoulder. Rei jumped, scowling as a deep blush crossed his cheeks. He turned around to yell at Nagisa who simply laughed. The confused freshman simply tilted his head at their flirtatious banter.

"Th-thank you, Captain Ryugazaki," he said. Rei turned back around, irritated at Nagisa and ignoring his further teasing.

"Please, call me Rei." The boy nodded gleefully at the offer. "Now do a few more laps. Try speeding up on the way back more than when you first start. You're wearing yourself out before the end. Pace yourself more."

"Yes, Rei-senpai!" he said before slipping his goggles back on and dipping into the water.

When practice ended, everyone took off their own separate ways. Rei and Nagisa still rode the train home together, although Rei was absent more and more as he stayed later to study for exams. But today was Friday and their first swim meet was coming upon them soon. He was going to spend the weekend relaxing so that he would be ready for their race. And by relaxing, that meant reviewing the techniques and planning the race line-up for his team. He was already going over everything in his head as he rode home and was brought back to reality by Nagisa squeezing his hand. He looked down at his boyfriend who returned his gaze with gentle eyes and a soft smile. It was late enough that the sun was setting, and it made the sky a bright orange that illuminated Nagisa's face in a serene way.

"Hey, don't think so hard. You're going to get gray hair by the time you're 20! I can't be seen with an old man. People will think you're a pervert," he teased. Rei rolled his eyes, but relaxed further into his seat. Ever since meeting Nagisa, Rei had somehow gained the ability to let go of things. It was a lot easier now, anyhow.

"You find one gray hair and suddenly you think I'm becoming an old man," Rei responded.

"I don't think, I know." Rei scoffed, whipping his head back and pushing up his glasses dramatically.

"Don't be ridiculous! I would never be seen with such unsightly wrinkles! I moisturize my face thoroughly every night to keep my firm, youthful appearance!" A few people on the train gave Rei questioning looks and Nagisa stifled a laugh.

When they got off the train, they walked a ways before saying their goodbyes. Rei bent down to give Nagisa a farewell kiss, but Nagisa stopped him. He pulled back, confused.

"Hey Rei-chan, we should go and do something fun tomorrow. We haven't been on a date in forever," he said with a pout. Rei grimaced, but he couldn't argue with him. He was right, after all. Ever since graduation, Rei had started studying for the exams and now that he was captain of the swim team, he had a lot of other responsibilities too. And it wasn't like Nagisa had a whole lot of free-time either. He was the vice-captain and was studying for exams to get into a trade school. He'd also gotten a part-time job at the zoo in the next town over. Rei found Nagisa's dedication and hard-working spirit at his job incredibly attractive and had was often acting upon those feelings whenever Nagisa came by late after working. Rei was thinking about Nagisa sneaking in his bedroom window, sweaty from work, when he whined loudly.

" _Reeeeei-chan!_ " Rei snapped out of his daydream, shaking his head and blushing lightly. Thankfully, Nagisa didn't notice.

"Pleeeease?" Rei pretended to think about it for a moment, causing Nagisa to squirm. "C'mon, Rei-chan. We can go back to your place afterwards and I'll wear those stockings you like," he said in an alluring voice. Rei blushed much more visibly this time, clamping his hand over Nagisa's mouth before he could say anything else.

"Yes, yes, okay!" Nagisa squealed and smiled, jumping up to wrap his arms around Rei's neck. He planted a kiss on his lips, messing up Rei's glasses.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I know just the place we can go, okay? I'll meet you here tomorrow at 11." Nagisa then released his grip and just as quickly as he had jumped upon Rei, he turned to walk away. Rei stood in the same spot, still flustered. Even after nearly a year with this boy, Rei found himself spinning and lost. But he never hated it for a second.

"Oh, Rei-chan?" Nagisa, said, turning back around.

"Uh, um, yeah?" Rei said, fixing his glasses and his hair.

"I love you," he said, smiling wide. Rei smiled softly.

"I love you too."

* * *

 

The following morning, Rei stood where Nagisa had said, right on time as usual. He checked his watch, expecting Nagisa to be about five minutes late, _as usual_. Sure enough, Nagisa came strolling down the path at 11:05. He raised a hand to wave at Rei as he approached, his ring glistening in the sunlight. Rei spun his own around his finger. He was nervous about their date. _Had he dressed too casual? Should he have brought more money?_ Nagisa always had more than him anymore these days, now that he had his job. He felt bad every time Nagisa had to pay for his meal or bought him something he liked on impulse.

"Ready?" Nagisa asked, sliding his hand into Rei's. Nagisa was dressed as casual as he was and he felt a little relieved. But only a little.

"I suppose. Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Nope!"

"I didn't expect you to," Rei said glumly. Nagisa was a fan of surprises, even if they weren't that great. Rei waited while Nagisa bought them tickets. They boarded the train together and chatted as they rode. Rei was never sure about how long they would ride for. There were times Nagisa would have them ride for hours. He once even made them ride half-way to Tokyo in a spur-of-the-moment visit to see Makoto before Rei finally got off and refused to go any further. He loved Makoto, but he hated unplanned trips, especially if they would take up to 7 hours one-way. But much to Rei's relief, Nagisa stood to exit after about an hour. He held out his hand to Rei and Rei took it, following him. They were in a near-by city, one Rei had been in many times before for a variety of reasons. It was the same place they had gone to see the aquarium on Nagisa's birthday the following year. He followed Nagisa silently as they crossed streets and passed bakeries until Rei could see a ferris wheel peeking up over the top of buildings. As they got closer, Rei could smell hotdogs and carnival music played. Nagisa gleamed as they came to the gate of the local fair. Rei wasn't a big fan of thrill rides, but he did enjoy the games.

"Two, please! Oh, and 100 tickets," Nagisa said to the vendor as he dug out money from his wallet. Rei grimaced, taking out his own wallet.

"Here," he said, handing money to the vendor. Nagisa frowned and swatted Rei's hand, making him drop the yen. He glared at Nagisa as he went to pick it up.

"This is my treat to you today, Rei-chan," he said as he handed his own money to the man behind the ticket booth. He seemed incredibly bored and uninterested. "Don't take any money from this man, okay?" The man didn't respond, just simply giving Nagisa a dull expression. Rei sighed as Nagisa dragged him past the gates. Children screamed and ran around them. Rei should have known better, honestly. Although Nagisa was excellent at giving gifts, he wasn't always the best at planning dates. They tended to be a bit self-centered, almost always catering to the things Nagisa liked best. Yet somehow, Rei enjoyed them.

"Oh, let's ride that first!" Nagisa said, pointing to the flying swings. He yanked Rei along from ride to ride, some of which he didn't mind, and others of which he hated   
(especially any that triggered his motion sickness, which were a lot). He liked the fun houses and bumper cars, but simply did not understand Nagisa's interest in the bug farm. As the day winded down and the sun began to set, they played the carnival games. Rei knew exactly which ones he could succeed at since they required math and geometry, and which ones were pure luck and not even worth attempting (which were all of the ones Nagisa played). After a lot of arguing, Nagisa finally agreed to let Rei at least buy him food and give him the prizes he won. By the end of the night, Nagisa had an armful of stuffed animals and cotton candy. The last thing they did was ride the ferris wheel.  
They boarded, using up the last of their tickets. Nagisa set his stuffed friends down on the seat next to him, eating large bites of his cotton candy. Rei was tired, but the view of the city from the top of the wheel was absolutely gorgeous. He could see the glow of lights from buildings and cars. The loud bustle of the carnival was only a murmur from up there, the music a soft lullaby in the background of the peaceful setting.

"Hey Rei-chan, thanks for coming out with me today," Nagisa said. He had finished his cotton candy and now sat leaning against the window, smiling at Rei. "It was really fun. I know you aren't huge on this stuff, but I appreciate it. I wouldn't want to come here with anybody else." He turned to look out over the city and sighed with relief. Rei saw his shoulders almost visibly melt as he leaned back in his seat. For the first time in a long time, Rei got a good look at his boyfriend's face. Dark circles were under his eyes and he had broken out in a little acne on his chin. Even his hair seemed a bit more frayed than usual. Rei realized that them going to the carnival hadn't been a break for Rei; it was a break for Nagisa. He had been working almost full time while still attending school and swim practice. Plus, he studied with Rei twice a week, besides the time he spent studying alone.

"Nagisa-kun, do you work tomorrow?" Nagisa looked back at Rei, raising an eyebrow at him.

"No, why? Don't we have to get ready for our first meet?"

"You should spend the night at my house tonight." Nagisa chuckled.

"Holding me to that stocking thing, huh?" Nagisa grinned smugly.

"No! No. I's just, I want to spend more time with you. And I think it would be nice to just...lay around the house together. We can still get work done for the team, but you should really take it easy. You look exhausted, Nagisa-kun," Rei said, brushing off the stocking comment. Nagisa blinked in surprise at the idea. Rei realized that the proposition probably sounded foreign from his lips, considering his usual work-hard attitude.

"Okay," Nagisa said, still a bit shocked. Rei smiled and switched seats to sit next to Nagisa. They kissed softly before Nagisa laid his head down on Rei's shoulder. He tasted like sugar.

* * *

 

They walked towards the exit, surrounded by grumpy parents holding their sleeping children on their backs. Nagisa hummed lightly from behind his hoard of stuffed animals.

"Hey, you there. Would you like me to tell your fortune? Only one ticket per person." An older woman with gray hair and a shawl beckoned to them. Rei didn't believe in fortunes and rolled his eyes.

"Actually, we're leav-"

"Ooohh, fortunes! Can we, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked like an excited puppy. Rei sighed.

"Sorry, but we're all out of tickets." Nagisa puffed out his bottom lip.

"Ah man, that's right!" They turned again to leave, but the woman stopped them.

"Wait! I'll give them to you for free. Please. Come," she said, motioning towards her small booth. It was hidden between two larger booths, almost completely unnoticeable. Rei felt uneasy about the strange woman, but Nagisa was already walking towards her booth. He followed suite, hoping no one else would stop them on their way out.

"Alright, what would you like? Palm readings? Tarot cards?" Nagisa pondered his choices thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. Rei simply looked bored as he waited for Nagisa to decide.

"Tarot cards!" he finally said.

"Very well. I'll tell you about your individual lives and then your relationship," the woman, said, grabbing her cards. Both of the boys gave the woman a surprised look.

"How did you-" Nagisa began, but the woman just chuckled.

"An old witch like me always knows a happy couple when she sees one." Nagisa gleamed and even Rei smiled a little. It wasn't often they got to be open about their relationship. Their friends knew by now, of course, and there were certainly suspicions among their younger teammates, but their parents still seemed rather oblivious. The fortune teller laid out her cards and shuffled them into a deck. A lucky cat trinket sat on a small table behind her. She flipped the cards over for Rei first.

The first card was a man and a woman with dogs and flowers, surrounded by ten stars. It read 'Ten of Pentacles'.

"Ah, yes. You will live a long and successful life full of success. You will be a wise old-man." The next card she flipped over was of a woman petting a lion. It read 'Strength'.

"You are a strong individual. You had to work hard to get to where you are today. You never give up in the face of adversity." Rei sighed. All of this was a silly card game to him. For the final one, she supplied a card with a tower on fire. From the windows jumped people. It read " The Tower". Something about it made Rei shiver. The woman had a serious and concerned look as she studied the card.

"You will undergo a sudden change..." she trailed. She seemed apprehensive, her thin eyebrows wrinkling together on her forehead.

"Like what? What kind of change?" Nagisa asked. He seemed immune to the tension in the room. The woman murmured something under her breath before suddenly swiping up the cards and returning them to her stack. She then shuffled them again.

"Your turn!" she said cheerfully to Nagisa. He was so excited that he forgot about his unanswered question and waited for her to place his cards. But Rei could feel his stomach begin to churn.

For Nagisa's first card, he received 'The World', which stood for completion. Rei was a bit confused as to exactly what was meant by it, but it didn't come across as a bad thing. The second card was "The Sun" which meant warmth, fun, and positivity, a surprisingly accurate portrayal of Nagisa. The final card was flipped and in the brief moment Rei looked at it, he saw a skeleton in armor perched upon a white horse. It read 'Death'.

"Oh, sorry, wrong card! That doesn't go in here. Silly me," she laughed, placing it at the bottom of the deck and taking out the next card. The new card was 'The Hermit' which didn't fit Nagisa in the least. But Rei stopped listening to her explanation half way through. _Had he seen that first card correctly? What did it mean?_

For their relationship, they received 'Two of Cups' and 'The Fool'. The first one represented love, something Nagisa smiled wide about. The second card represented innocence and naivety. Rei had seen a pattern with the final cards, and he could see the old woman clench her hand before flipping their final card. A heart with three swords going through it lay before them. She looked at it seriously, silent. She seemed to be mourning.

"Oh, what does that mean? That doesn't look too good," Nagisa said. She didn't respond at first.

"It represents pain and separation," she said seriously. Nagisa cocked his head, but Rei felt his face going pale. _What was up with all of these tragic cards?_ The woman's expression changed to something softer as she looked at the couple.

"Are you planning on going to different schools when you graduate?" They both nodded at her question. She hummed to herself, as if in realization. "Ah, so that's probably what it means. It will be difficult for you two to be apart during this time. I just suggest you be careful!" Nagisa nodded, equipping himself with a determined expression. Rei watched the woman as she looked away, the mournful expression returning.

"Well thanks a lot, ma'am! Sorry we didn't have any tickets to pay you with," Nagisa said, standing and grabbing up his toys.

"That's alright, young man. There are some people I see who I know I must give their fortune, payment or not." Nagisa smiled wide once again before ducking out of the booth. Rei stood to leave after him, bowing slightly before turning. But a thin, bony hand grabbed his arm tightly, keeping him there. He turned to face the woman. Panic was written across her face.

"Hold onto him. Hold onto yourself," she said quietly.

"Wha-" Rei began. Nagisa called from outside.

"C'mon, Rei-chan! Let's go! I'm tired," he called, yawning for effect. The woman tightened her grip.

"Rei Ryugazaki, heed my warning; when the sun sets and the fool is put to rest, death will march across the plains and drive into the heart three swords of pain, loss, and despair. Bask in this light and warmth before you are too late." Rei felt like vomiting. _How did she know his_ name _?_ This woman was strange and frightening and Rei hated the way she made him feel. Her thin fingers felt like a vise and the dark booth seemed to be engulfing him. He yanked his arm from her grip and turned, quickly leaving. She watched them as they left and Rei could feel her eyes boring into his back.

"I can't believe I'm going to become a lonely hermit," Nagisa said. But Rei didn't hear him.

* * *

 

The next morning when Rei awoke with Nagisa wrapped around him, snoring lightly, he forgot about the strange woman and her encrypted warning. He snuggled in closer to the boy, who was still wearing thigh-high stockings, and fell back asleep. The image on 'The Fool' card danced behind his eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo so idk if tarot cards are used in Japan but yolo  
> also, all of the cards are real cards and those are their real meanings and their reverse meanings are kind of relevant too (not all of them, but some of them) so feel free to look them up hehehe :3c


	10. 4 AM

Rei looked at himself in the mirror. He took a deep breath, reaching up to straighten his tie out once again. His hair had been carefully styled to be neat and orderly, not a strand out of place. Sitting on the corner of the sink were a pair of thin, black-framed glasses. He picked them up and placed them on his face. He watched his features come into focus.

"You look so handsome," his mother said behind him. She leaned in the doorway, still in her robe, a steaming coffee mug in hand. "Are you nervous?"

"A little bit," he said honestly. He didn't see a point in lying. Of course he was nervous. This was his graduation, after all. Years of hard work, studying, training--all for this. Hours after class spent in night-school. Weekends sacrificed for the swim club. All of it was leading up to this moment. He'd passed his exams with flying colors and been accepted to a rather prestigious university in Tokyo. He'd made it to nationals with his swim team and won third place in the butterfly. And, most of all, he'd made friends. Lifelong friends who he'd never forget.

"You'll do great," she said warmly, patting his shoulder with her hand. She turned out of the doorway and back towards her bedroom. Rei reached into his pocket and found the smooth purple ring he'd worn for over a year. He took it out and looked at it carefully. _You are beautiful_ , it read. He smiled, his heart jumping in his chest. He thought back to the first time Nagisa said that to him. Jogging along that path to school, Nagisa nagging him to join the swim team. He'd never have known just exactly what that moment would mean for him. How incredibly significant this small, blonde boy with pink eyes and a sweet-tooth, would be.

Rei looked at himself in the mirror again and smiled. He ran a hand through his hair, shuffling out a few strands into a do with more character. He took off the black glasses and left them on the sink before going back into his room and picking up the red ones. He grabbed his stuff from beside the entrance, slipping on his shoes, before calling out to his mother goodbye. He was out the door too quickly to hear her response.

He ran down to his meeting spot with Nagisa. He felt weightless as he ran and thought he might just float up right off the ground. He burst out laughing as he sprinted, feeling the wind ruffle his hair even further. He did not stop to straighten out his tie even once.

As their usual meet-up came into view, Rei began to lose his breath. It was strange since Rei hardly ever lost his breath. Besides being a member of the track team for several years, Rei had been the swim team's captain, a job that kept him in prestine shape. Yet his lungs began to squeeze and his throat felt dry. Nagisa stood waiting, early for possibly the first time ever. Nagisa turned as he heard Rei approach and his face turned from a look of tired waiting to surprised terror.

"Re--" Nagisa got out before Rei came crashing into him. They both toppled over, Rei landing on top of his boyfriend. Nagisa squirmed under the weight, a look of irritation and discomfort on his face. "Reeeei-chan?! What the hell was that for?" Rei gasped for breath before he began to laugh again, curling his arms around Nagisa. He leaned up a bit to relieve the weight off of him, but still bent over the boy, laughing uncontrollably.

"I just..haha...love you..ha...so much...hahahaha!" he sputtered out. Tears streamed from the corners of his eyes as he laughed and Nagisa looked thoroughly confused. But he smiled after awhile, wrapping his arms up and around Rei's neck.

"I love you too," he said sweetly. Rei slowly stopped laughing and looked down at Nagisa. His hair had actually been rather neat before Rei tackled him, but now it was back to its usual tousled mop, dust coating the shoulders of his uniform. His cheeks were flushed from the cold air and sudden movement. Rei leaned down and kissed his boyfriend rather passionately, much more than what Rei would consider appropriate in public, especially in this position. But today, Rei didn't care. Nagisa kissed him back eagerly and for a few minutes they laid there, kissing in the dirt.

"Rei..." Nagisa said between kisses. His voice was airy and breathless. The only times Nagisa ever called Rei without the -chan added were when he was being very serious or when he was aroused. Rei simply moved down to Nagisa's neck, nipping at the skin ever so lightly.

"Mmm, what?" Rei said from the dip of his shoulders.

"We should stop," Nagisa gasped out.

"And why is that?"

"Well because we're out in public, I now have a boner, and we're going to be late for our graduation ceremony." Rei snapped out of it in that moment. He became aware of everything outside of him and he felt his face go white. _The ceremony_. He jumped straight up, almost as if repelling from Nagisa's body. Rei couldn't help but notice that Nagisa did, in fact, have a rather noticeable erection. As much satisfaction as that brought Rei, he was also acutely aware of his own. He hurriedly brushed off his uniform and fixed his hair before checking his tie. _What was he_ doing _?_ _Acting like that in public!_ Rei was now so preoccupied with fixing himself, he didn't even notice Nagisa slowly get up, rubbing his shoulder from the impact with the ground. He brushed off his own jacket, not giving anything else too much thought. Rei was murmuring to himself when Nagisa grabbed his crotch, making him jump with a little squeal.

"You might want to do something about that," Nagisa whispered into his ear sexually. Rei's cheeks felt warm and he watched as Nagisa reached into his own pants to adjust his erection into a position that was more inconspicuous. Rei looked about nervously to make sure no one else was in site before he shifted his own. Nagisa giggled and Rei only blushed harder.

"I don't know what that was all about, but it was certainly fun," he said, turning to walk towards the train. He held his hand out behind him, inviting Rei to take it. He did, trying to act casual after everything that had just transpired. _Maybe he was going insane_. They made it to their train just in time, sitting in their usual spots. The car was full of energy and buzz as students spoke of the upcoming graduation. As more students boarded, the roar grew louder and even Nagisa and Rei found themselves caught up in the excitement, talking to their fellow classmates about how they thought it would transpire. When they arrived at the campus, they quickly lined up for the morning announcements. They had ended up in the same class throughout their entire time at Iwatobi High, something Rei was grateful for. They were dismissed to their classroom for the time being, although quite a few students ditched and roamed about the school. The few students who did attend were not held to any kind of learning and they sat on desks and chatted. Nagisa ditched to go and say goodbye to some underclassmen and Rei sat around the classroom, speaking here and there with his cohorts.

"I can't believe we're graduating!" "I have so many memories here..." "Oh? Is that where you're going?" The conversations all seemed the same. Rei spoke of his own plans to several people. Some of them brought up questions about the swim team and his future in swimming.

"Oh, it was really fun and I did have a few scouts from small universities show interest in me, but that was never my ultimate plan for the future. I'm going into architecture, actually." It was only about 30 minutes until the ceremony. Students were sneaking back in from roaming for they knew the teacher would be addressing them soon.

"Man, I'm sure gonna miss all of your shenanigans!" one male student said to Rei. He gave the boy a perplexed expression.

"What? Shenanigans?"

"Yeah! You and Hazuki! You guys were a riot. You'd fall asleep in class and he'd make a loud noise to scare you. Or like, he'd tape signs to your back that said funny things on them like '#1 Nerd' or 'pinch me'. It was seriously so funny." Rei grinded his teeth, trying not to show his obvious irritation. How unsightly a thought. That was one thing he certainly wouldn't miss. Just as the boy was laughing at Rei's misfortune, Nagisa came back in the room. He waved at Rei who simply glared back. He cocked his head in confusion, but shrugged it off. Nagisa was used to Rei being randomly pissed at him.

Soon, the teacher called everyone into their seats and began his address towards the class. They then marched down to the auditorium. Rei could feel his skin curling in and rippling with excitement. He looked ahead to where Nagisa stood. He twitched and squirmed as well, and it made Rei feel a little bit better. _He wasn't the only one who was nervous._ As they entered, they could see their parents sitting in the stands. Nagisa waved at his sisters while their teacher sighed. There was no keeping him in line. Rei's own parents beamed with pride. His mother carried a handkerchief as if ready to burst into tears at any given moment. Rei fought the urge to roll his eyes.

The ceremony dragged on and Rei found it difficult to stay awake through much of it after the singing. Students, teachers, and special guests gave speeches that were semi-inspiring, but mostly too long. Nagisa was slumped in his chair, very blatantly asleep. But as soon as the diplomas started to be handed out, everyone perked up. Even if they had to wait to the end, grabbing that diploma was a sign of being finished. Of moving on to new things. Completion.

"Hazuki Nagisa," their principal read. Nagisa stood up straight as he walked towards the man. His face looked surprisingly serious as he reached out for the folded booklet containing his diploma. But upon grabbing it, he broke out into a wide, bright smile that lit up his entire face. He bowed before tucking the diploma under his arm and returning to his seat. His eyes sparkled and the pure joy in his face left Rei staring. He watched as Nagisa turned to the people sitting around him and whispered to them. They returned with either looks of irritation, disinterest, or matched happiness.

"Ryuugazaki Rei." Rei stood too quickly, making it too obvious how nervous he felt. A few students snickered as he stumbled up to the podium to grab his diploma. But the other students faded away as he grabbed the folded booklet. It felt so smooth in his hand, as if it was tucking itself into his hand by itself. Every moment from the past three years flashed before him. He could feel tears well up in his eyes but he held them back. He bowed before slipping the document under his arm and turning. Nagisa looked at him with endearment. They did it.

They graduated.

* * *

 

When the ceremony came to a close, the auditorium went into an uproar as students and parents cheered. Underclassmen began to flood the room as well, many of them having waited outside, listening. Rei stood and peered out over his classmates for Nagisa. He could see his parents breaking through towards him, but the commotion was almost too much.

"Nagisa-kun!" he yelled out, but his voice was lost in the sea of sound.

"Rei! Rei, honey, we're so proud of you!" his mother shouted as his parents approached him. Rei turned to look at them, forgetting Nagisa for the time being. He'd find him after things had calmed down. He hugged his parents and his mother began to cry, much to Rei's dismay. His brother then hugged him from behind, rubbing his head and messing up his hair. He sat and spoke with them for awhile, but only listened to their words half-heartedly. He scanned the crowd for Nagisa, only humming casually to their questions.

"Rei!" said a voice from behind them. Rei turned to see unexpected faces. Makoto and Haru approached them and Rei couldn't help but gleam. He held back tears as he collapsed onto them, embracing them fully. His family smiled behind him before silently walking away, giving Rei the rest of this moment to his friends.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he released them. Makoto smiled while Haru looked around the room at people with his usual disinterested expression.

"We came back to see you guys graduate! Rin is here too, but I think he's still talking to Kou," Makoto said. The thought of all of them being together again made Rei's heart swell. He truly loved his friends and was so incredibly grateful for them.

"Wait, have you seen Nagisa-kun? I can't find him," Rei asked.

"Oh, yeah! We ran into him first. He was a total wreck, crying all over the place, but that's to be expected," he said with a laugh. Rei couldn't help but smirk.

"Congrats, Rei," Haru finally said. He smiled slightly as he said it and Rei could feel the tears well up in his eyes again.

"Thank you Haru-senpai! It's all because of you guys that I'm so happy...that my time here at Iwatobi High was something enjoyable...," Rei sniffed, rubbing his eyes. Makoto laughed and put his hand down on Rei's shoulder.

"No need to thank us, Rei. We're glad you joined the swim team. Without you, we wouldn't be where we are either. We're really proud of you," he said. Rei only cried harder, taking off his glasses to avoid getting them wet. After the tears stopped flowing, Rei said goodbye to the pair and continued his search for Nagisa. He spoke with a few classmates here and there and ran into Rin and Kou at one point. Rei thanked Rin for all his help, which embarrassed Rin quite thoroughly. Kou was crying quite a bit, but Rei didn't feel too bad for her when she whimpered out how much she was going to miss the muscles. People were slowly flowing out of the room and soon, there weren't very many people left. Rei was beginning to wonder if Nagisa had left without him and was about to head for the exit.

"Rei-chan!" Rei turned to see Nagisa standing in the middle of the room. A few small groups of people still huddled around the edges and spoke among each other, laughing here and there. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and his hair was messy, probably from being tousled by parents and friends. Rei ran towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him up into a tight embrace. They both cried as they hugged, smiling beneath their tears.

"W-we did it, Rei-chan," Nagisa said between hiccups. Rei laughed, sniffling.

"Yeah, we did."

"I'm so glad I met you, Rei. I love you so much. You've changed my entire life and I can't wait to begin our future together," he said softly. Rei's heart thumped in his chest, a slight blush coming across his face. Nagisa was expressive in just about every way, but when it came to the deep things, he was often awkward and uncomfortable. To hear him say these things so seriously meant more to Rei than he could ever tell him.

"You changed my life too, Nagisa. Thank you."

* * *

 

That evening when Nagisa and Rei got off the train, they walked to Rei's home together. They'd already planned on spending the evening together, although they hadn't expected anything too big. They'd both be leaving for Tokyo come spring break, but they wouldn't be living together since their schools were on the opposite ends of the city. Rei opened the door to his house only to be surprised by the shouts of their friends and family. Both of their families, Makoto, Haru, Rin, Kou, Coach Sasabe, and the entire swim team sat in Rei's cramped house, holding small confetti guns and noise makers. They all rushed the pair, grabbing them into inescapable hugs.

Food was passed around and music played from a speaker in the living room. They both received showers of praise and quite a few members of the team ended up crying. Rei only laughed at their emotional displays. He had done enough crying for the day.

About an hour or two into the party, Rei sat down on his couch. He looked at the ridiculously large group of people in front of him and smiled. Three years ago, he never would have imagined this many people wanting to celebrate his graduation with him. As he was studying the crowd, Nagisa sat next to him, sliding his fingers in between Rei's.

"What is it, Rei-chan?" he asked. Rei could feel Nagisa's ring between his fingers and he simply shook his head.

"I can't logically explain it," he said, turning to look at the beloved blond, "but that's what's so great about it." Nagisa smiled, nuzzling his head into Rei's shoulder. Rei kissed the top of his head, tracing patterns on the back of his hand.

"What are you doing just sitting there?" Rin asked, approaching them. They both leaned up, giving him a confused look. He gave them a mischievous smile. "Look at what I brought." He reached into a plastic bag he held and brought out a bottle of champagne. Nagisa only looked at it blankly and Rei frowned.

"Alcohol? But we're under age. How did you even get that?" Rei asked skeptically. Rin rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. And it's just for a celebration between us. You wouldn't even get drunk off a single glass of this stuff." Rei was going to refuse, but Nagisa spoke up.

"Yeah, sure, I'll try a glass. I tried my mom's wine once and although it was bitter, it kind of tasted like grape juice. I wonder if they have strawberry flavored wine...Oh, Rei-chan, when we're old enough to drink, promise you'll try strawberry wine with me! Pleeeease?" Rei only gave Nagisa a baffled look as he tried to backtrack. He turned back to Rin to refute.

"Wa-"

"Great! We'll have this after everyone else leaves," Rin said, putting it back in the bag. He walked off before Rei could say anything else and, defeated, slumped back down on the couch with a sigh. Nagisa only beamed at him, snuggling back up with him.

As night fell, people began to slowly leave. The swim team still had school and Coach Sasabe had to go work at the clubhouse. Nagisa's parents and sisters left as well, saying goodnight for they knew he would spend the night at Rei's. Rei's father and brother went to bed while Rei's mother cleaned up in the kitchen. All that remained were Haru, Makoto, Kou, Rin, and of course, Nagisa. They sat around the small table in Rei's living room and chatted quietly. Rin got up and grabbed cups for everyone, setting them on the table.

"Alright, time to crack this baby out!" He reached around behind him, grabbing the bag from the floor and taking out the bottle. He popped the cork and held the bottle over a glass to catch the outpouring of foam. He then poured each glass about half full, pushing them towards each person respectively.

"And now, a toast. To Kou, for irritating the crap out of me," Kou punched his arm, interrupting his speech, "and pestering me enough to care about my friends again." She smiled and looked down, touched by his words. "To Nagisa, who brought together the Iwatobi Swim Club. To Rei, who brought us all together. And to the three of you for graduating and making it into college. You guys are gonna do great, I just know it," he said. He grew more serious towards the end, his eyes glossing over. He rubbed his eyes before raising his glass, clearly embarrassed by his own emotional toast.

"Congrats!" they all said. Everyone took a drink from their glass except for Rei, who stared down at the drink apprehensively.

"Hey, there isn't anything in here!" Kou complained, holding her glass upside-down to demonstrate.

"Well yeah, you're not allowed to drink until you're 30!" Rin said, smiling smugly.

"What?! No fair, Onii-chan!" The two bickered while Makoto tried to calm them down. Nagisa leaned over to Rei.

"Don't be afraid, Rei-chan. If you really don't want to drink it, you don't have to." Rei looked at Nagisa. He had a genuine expression on his face that relaxed Rei. He looked back at the drink again and with a look of determination, lifted it to his lips and took a sip. It tasted like a dirty gym sock and burned his throat, but the small rush that came through him was nothing like he'd felt before. He felt warm and his muscles loosened ever so slightly. It left his lips tingly.

"So?" Nagisa asked expectantly.

"It's...not bad," Rei decided. Nagisa smiled at him before leaning against him again and taking another swig of his drink. Rei took another sip as well as they watched the commotion in front of them.

* * *

 

The group stayed over until about 1. They finished the bottle between the six of them in no time. Makoto's face became flushed as he drank. Haru didn't seem to change much at all, although he consistently drank water as he drank. Rin became even louder and bolder than he already was. Nagisa didn't seem to change much either, which made Rei wonder how much drinking Nagisa had done previously. Kou, after finally wrangling a drink from her brother, became sleepy after only a few swigs from her glass and now struggled to stay awake. Rei laughed at everyone's drunk personas, especially Rin's. Rei became quite talkative, explaining in-depth theories that no one else could understand for far too long. He would start into a new explanation at even the simplest of mentions and everyone would groan in unison.

They filed out the door together, Rin practically dragging the sleeping Kou out on his shoulder. They all said their goodbyes as they shuffled into the cold night. Haru lingered behind though, turning to Rei.

"Congrats Rei," he said again. Rei smiled at him.

"Thank you, Haru-senpai." There was a moment of silence. Then, out of the blue, Haru hugged Rei. Rei stood still in complete shock.

"Thank you," he said. He quickly let go and then turned out the door, just as Rin was calling for him obnoxiously. Rei was so stunned by the moment that he sat staring out the door for a full minute. _What was that about?_

"Rei-chan?" Nagisa called from the living room. Rei shook his head and closed the door, letting it go. _Maybe he's an emotional drunk._

"Wh-" he got out before there was a loud crash. Rei rushed into the room to find Nagisa sitting on the floor with a fallen lamp. He rubbed his back and winced.

"Oops. Guess I got up too fast," he said, chuckling. _Motor skills. So that was what Nagisa lost when he drank._ Rei lent him a hand, lifting him up. But his own balance was thrown off and they both collapsed onto Rei's couch, giggling. Rei wrapped himself around Nagisa, resting his head on top of Nagisa's.

"Today was really great, Rei-chan," Nagisa said. Rei hummed in response, twirling his finger in Nagisa's hair. There was a moment of silence and Rei almost fell asleep. "Can I tell you something kind of weird?"

"Mmmm?" Rei said.

"No, I'm serious. You gotta listen, no sleepy, half-assed listening!" Rei sighed, opening his eyes and shifting so he could look at Nagisa.

"Yes? What is it? You know you can tell me anything." Nagisa looked around the room nervously, rolling his lips as he thought of the words. Rei tried not to show the impatience on his face.

"When I first saw you, I thought I'd met you before. You looked like someone I knew. And I couldn't shake the feeling that you would somehow be important to me. Even before I was trying to get you to join the swim team, I'd see you in class and wonder, 'where have I seen him before?'" Nagisa twiddled his thumbs and Rei could only stare. _It wasn't just him?_

"Na-"

"And then I started having these dreams...dreams about you and me. But these dreams were different. They didn't just feel like dreams. They felt like memories...I'm sorry, I'm just being really weird, I know," he said, waving his hand to dismiss it. Rei grabbed his hand mid-air, causing him to look at Rei straight-on.

"Nagisa-kun, I had those exact same feelings. The dreams...I've been having those too. They're so vivid, so real-"

"-that they have to _be_ real?" Nagisa finished for him. Rei nodded and they both stared at each other in awe for what seemed like forever. But Rei had one more thing to ask.

"Nagisa-kun...how do your dreams end?" he asked hesitantly. Nagisa cocked his head in confusion.

"Well, the first one I had we were rice farmers. We would spend time out in this grass field all the time. The last thing I remember was we were in that field running from something, but I couldn't tell you what. Fire maybe?" Rei's brow furrowed together. He hadn't had that dream. Or at least, not the full version. "In the second dream I had, we were pirates. Well, I was a pirate. You were a fisherman! In that dream..." Nagisa trailed off, blushing. Rei was reminded of the content of that dream himself, and had to keep from laughing. "I think it ended with us trying to secure the ship during a storm? I was grabbing rope and yelling at the crew and the deck was super slippery." Rei's hands balled into fists behind Nagisa's back. "The last one I had, I was in this small room full of switches. It looked like the cockpit of an airplane! This dream was really short and I never actually saw you, but I did feel really sad because I was going to miss you. Then there was this flash and I woke up feeling really hot. That was definitely the weirdest one." Rei could feel sweat beading up on his forehead. He hated the way these dreams made him feel.

"What about you?" Nagisa asked with a naive smile. _He had no idea. Should he tell him?_ _The dreams probably meant nothing. They might just be having the same dreams since they spend so much of their day together and are thus, exposed to the same material._

"Pretty much the same as yours," he lied. Nagisa smiled wider, completely oblivious.

"I guess it's destiny then, isn't it Rei-chan?" Rei scoffed.

"Please. As if I'd ever believe in something as illogical as de-"

"You said the same thing about love, you know," Nagisa pointed out. Rei couldn't argue with that and instead of admitting defeat, kissed Nagisa as if to change the subject. His lips were numb from the alcohol and he pressed them harder against Nagisa's. Nagisa slid his arms up and under Rei's shirt, digging his fingers into Rei's back. Rei lifted his hands and curled them into Nagisa's hair. His tongue walked along the edge of Nagisa's lower lip before dashing back into his mouth. Nagisa's breath was heavy as Rei kissed him and he curled himself around Rei tighter. Rei could feel his cock harden in his pants and the blood rush through his body. He turned over so that he was over the top of Nagisa, kissing down along his jaw line. Nagisa gasped out for air, whimpering at Rei's playful biting.

"We should move to your room, Rei-chan," he managed. Rei didn't respond for a moment, too preoccupied with Nagisa's neck. "Re-" Rei jumped off of him, yanking him off the couch and towards his room. He gave Nagisa lustful eyes, undressing him with them. They clambered into his room, sharing messy kisses as they yanked their clothes off. Rei's head was spinning from having stood up so suddenly and Nagisa moved clumsily, the champagne still having affect on them. Completely naked, Rei pushed Nagisa down on the bed, pinning his wrists above his head as he ravished him further. Rei loved this--lavishing in Nagisa's body, worshipping his small, fit figure. Nagisa's erection was begging for attention and Rei gave it some satisfaction, wrapping his fingers around it and stroking slowly. Nagisa moaned, bucking slightly. He was more turned on than usual and Rei smirked. He kissed his way down Nagisa's torso until his lips met with his cock. He licked up along the shaft, teasing the tip. Nagisa gasped and whimpered, biting down on his hand. As he slowly sucked Nagisa's cock, he reached over to his bedside table and grabbed out a small bottle of lube. This wasn't the first time they'd had sex. Their first time had been an awkward and messy experience that Rei tried not to think of too often. He'd bottomed first and even though Nagisa had tried his hardest to prep him and used plenty of lube, it'd still been painful and foreign.

But this wasn't their first time.

He squirted out a decent amount into his palm and scooped it up with a finger, rubbing it around Nagisa's anus before inserting the finger slowly. Nagisa moaned as he slid it in, still teasing his cock with his tongue. He worked his way up slowly until he could comfortably fit three fingers inside. He pulled them out and grabbed a condom from the drawer. He slipped it on before spreading more lube on and lining himself up. Precum dripped from Nagisa's cock and he gripped the sheets as Rei slowly slid inside of him. He whimpered, leaning up into Rei's shoulder. Rei kissed him as he slowly began moving, the feeling of being inside of Nagisa enthralling. Nagisa moaned and yelled as Rei fucked him rhythmically. He flipped Nagisa over at one point, coming in from behind with faster, harder movements that made Nagisa have to yell into the pillow to muffle the sound.

"R-Rei-chan...I'm...aahhh," he said breathily. Rei was close himself, but he knew Nagisa would probably come before he did. He reached down and grabbed Nagisa's cock, stroking as he rocked into Nagisa over and over. Nagisa whimpered, bucking into Rei's hand and back against Rei. It threw off Rei's rhythm, but he quickly adjusted to time his thrusts with Nagisa's. Nagisa came hard with a shout that made Rei a little nervous about waking his parents. Cum draped over his hand and onto the sheets. Nagisa coming always turned Rei on even more and after a few final thrusts into Nagisa, he pulled out and, whipping the condom off, pumped his cock out over Nagisa's back. His vision blacked over as he came over Nagisa's back, making more of a mess than he usually preferred. As he finished, he collapsed on the bed next to Nagisa who lay on his stomach, still breathing heavily. Rei opened his eyes and looked at Nagisa. Nagisa stared back at him, his expression soft and loving. Rei leaned in and kissed him gently. He then reached over and grabbed a towel, wiping off Nagisa's back and the extra lube from around his anus. After removing the soiled blanket that Nagisa had came on, the two cuddled up under the covers.

They talked quietly into the night until soon, Nagisa drifted off to sleep. Rei studied his face in the moonlight, a gentle snowfall drifting outside the window. Rei was sleepy, the buzz now worn off, but he didn't want to fall asleep. His dreams were dull comparisons to what was now his reality. Even still, as the clock read 4, he found himself drifting into unconsciousness. His last thought before he went completely under would be forgotten until the morning.

_Today was the happiest day of my life._


	11. Underwater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN LIKE, 3 YEARS BUT I JUST REWATCHED FREE! AND YOLO SWAG IM BACK BISHES I REALLY WANNA FINISH THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:^O (more on my return at the end)

The alarm in Rei's apartment was too loud for the tiny room in which it sat. The blaring noise bounced off of every wall, turning a simple morning ritual into a painfully necessary annoyance. He rolled over and slammed the off button, groaning as the sun came in and kissed his cheeks. He fumbled for his glasses, putting them on and leaning up. His hair stood up in nearly every direction and his mouth felt dry. It wasn't that Rei wasn't used to getting up this early, but rather that he wasn't used to staying up til 2 AM. He could still feel the slight hangover lingering in his head and the idea of breakfast made him nauseous. He eventually managed to roll out of bed and onto the floor where he crawled towards his closet. Nagisa was the fashionable one of the two, not that Rei wasn't completely incapable of putting outfits together. But it was Nagisa who constantly dragged Rei shopping and now he found his closet full and wallet, empty.

He wore his hair down that day, a style he really hated (and Nagisa loved) but didn't have the patience to style it like he normally did. He was in need of a haircut anyhow. He had to jog down to the station so he wouldn't miss his train, cursing his classmates and their weeknight drinking habits on the way. He knew he could decline, but he really enjoyed going out with them. Less because of their company, more because Rei liked to drink. He didn't have a problem with it, but when the opportunity arose, he took it. It wasn't like his grades had slipped, anyhow.

Rei went to a university in Tokyo to study architecture. He focused most of his studies on water-based structures, researching ways to use water currents for various reasons. And because he was in Tokyo, he often went and visited Makoto, who attended a different school, but was still close by. They would often have lunch together and talk about their studies. Makoto still did a lot of volunteer work and had a part-time job at a child-care center. Rei had considered getting a job, but his parents had been more than happy to support his education and living expenses, so long as he stayed in school. Haru was working at Sasabe's swim club, and Rin was still swimming abroad in preparation for the summer tournament and, in the long run, the Olympics. Kou had gone to a fashion design school where she worked around many, muscular male models. But Nagisa had chosen a much simpler course. He had moved away from Iwatobi, but didn't attend school. Instead, he worked a full-time job at an aquatic animal preserve along the shore. He hadn't been able to raise the money for trade school like he'd hoped. It'd been pretty devastating, but in true Nagisa fashion, he bounced back and found something still inspiring. He did most of the cleaning and repair, filling food dishes and helping to wash the animals. It was a tiring job and Nagisa always came home hungry and exhausted, but Rei had never seen him more happy. He got to pet penguins every day and was waiting for one to lay an egg soon. Rei loved to listen to him talk about it until his words trailed off and he fell asleep mid-sentence.

But since Rei and Nagisa lived far apart, they didn't get to see each other as much as they used to. They still spoke daily, video chatting and texting. Nagisa had Sundays off so they would sometimes meet up and do something together, but there were also a lot of Sundays spent sleeping in Nagisa's apartment together since Nagisa was so often tired from his long weeks. Rei was okay with this though, happy to just be with him. They both still experienced the occasional strange dream, although none of them were as detailed as the previous dreams Rei had dreamed.

Rei's phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

> _Recieved 11:32 AM_
> 
> _reeeeei-chan!! good morning! look at mama penguin!!! she finally gave birth to her egg! ヾ(≧∇≦)ゞ_
> 
> _1 Attachment_

The picture was of Nagisa doing a peace sign and a penguin with a large egg cradled on its feet. Rei rolled his eyes at Nagisa's overuse of exclamation points, but couldn't help but smile at the picture. He saved it to his phone before responding.

 

> _Sent 11:34 AM_
> 
> _Wow, that's really cool Nagisa-kun. What is the name of the offspring going to be?_

Rei's professor was droning on today, reviewing a concept Rei already had down rather confidently. 

 

> _Received 11:38 AM_
> 
> _we dont know yet :0 whoever sees it hatch gets to name it! im going to spend as much time with it as possible so i can name it!!! 。(⌒∇⌒。)_

 They continued to message back and forth like this for the rest of the class period, Rei careful to not get caught. Rei couldn't help but smile at some of Nagisa's childish mannerisms, which came across even in his messages. He remembered a time when he had thought them annoying, but now he saw them as endearing.

 

> _Received  12:13 PM_
> 
> _would it be okay if i came over tonight?? i know it's a school night, but i don't work tonight and i miss my rei-chan!!! (;*△*;)_

While Rei's apartment wasn't exactly spacious, Nagisa's apartment was tiny. He didn't make a lot of money from his job at the zoo, so he got what he could. And beside the size, the apartment was always in ruin, Nagisa's clothes and old take-out boxes strewn everywhere. Rei shivered at the memory of the first time he visited. Rei thought about his plans for the night, deciding how much studying he needed to do for his econ test coming up. He felt pretty confident about it, so he figured an hour would be enough.

 

> _Sent 12:16 PM_
> 
> _Sure. Come over around 7. We can go out for ramen if you'd like._

Rei's phone buzzed only moments after sending the message.

 

> _Received_ _12:17 pm_
> 
> _YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! o(≧∇≦o) I LOVE MY REI-CHAN!!!! (●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*_

Rei laughed, blushing at Nagisa's excitement over such a simple offer.

 

> _Sent 12:18 PM_
> 
> _I love you too, Nagisa-kun!_

* * *

 

It was 7:07 when Nagisa knocked on Rei's door. Rei knew Nagisa's birthday wasn't for a few months, but he already had the perfect gift for him; a key to the apartment. Rei was overjoyed when he had thought of it, a meaningful yet practical gift he knew Nagisa would love. He spun the ring around his finger as he thought of it, imagining Nagisa's face when he opened the box.

"Reeeeei-chaaaaaaan!" Nagisa sang when Rei opened the door. Nagisa jumped up to hug him, plopping a bubbly kiss on his lips before walking past him and into the room. He kicked his shoes off by the door and wandered into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge as if he lived there. Rei reconsidered the key for a moment, but brushed off his irritation at Nagisa's rudeness.

"Would you mind not just going through my fridge like you live here?" Rei asked him with an exasperated sigh. Nagisa rubbed his chin, looking both cheeky and thoughtful.

"But I could live here if I didn't have to work, couldn't I?" Nagisa asked. Rei sputtered.

"W-well I suppose, but-"

"So then it isn't a problem!" He plucked a grape out of a bag in the fridge, popping it in his mouth. Rei's headache came back ever so slightly.

"Well,it doesn't matter what's in there anyway. We're going out for ramen."

"About that...," Nagisa trailed, "I don't think I have enough money..." Rei just smiled and shook his head.

"Nagisa-kun, I invited you, I'll get it. Don't worry."

"Are you sure? I know you don't have your own money since you don't work. Will your parents be okay with that?" Rei felt a twinge of guilt at the question. Nagisa was right and Rei had just gone out the night before, but he also couldn't help but spoil his boyfriend. He waved it off.

"Of course not. My parents want me to have a college experience. This is just part of it." Nagisa seemed doubtful, but the growl of his stomach made him forget his worries.

"Okey-dokey then! Let's go!" Nagisa said gleefully. It was starting to warm up outside, too warm for winter clothing, but Nagisa still wore his yellow scarf. The purple stain had faded from a few washes, but was still strong enough to notice. They held hands and chatted as they walked down the road to the ramen shop a few blocks away. Tokyo was a bustling place that seemed to never settle down. The bright lights and loud cars were quite the contrast to the sleepy and quiet place that Iwatobi had been. It had been off-putting to Rei at first, but he had come to like it. They way Nagisa beamed at everything, pointing like a young boy at tall buildings and monuments with a gleam in his bright, pink eyes. Rei's heart would melt and swirl, lost in that optimistic expression. How could he still love Nagisa so dearly? Shouldn't this feeling have calmed down by now? But every time Nagisa smiled, laughed, kissed him, _breathed_ \-- Rei's heart would turn to chocolate and melt.

There weren't too many people in the little ramen shop that night, as it was a weekday, but Rei preferred it that way. Not as many peeping eyes. Being with Nagisa in public was still an issue at times, as people would stare and smirk, whispering among themselves. One man had even bumped roughly into Nagisa, whispering a slur under his breath. Rei had turned, ready to fight him, but Nagisa stopped him. Rei was not usually one to start confrontations, but at that moment, he had never felt so enraged. Rei had never seen himself as straight nor gay, but he'd also never seen himself as someone who falls in love. Nagisa had known for awhile that he didn't have the same feelings for girls as other boys did, but had never fully come to terms with it until he'd fallen for Rei. The old shopkeeper was familiar with them both, and he always smiled and laughed, talking very animatedly with Nagisa, both of them too loud for the small space in which they sat. Rei ordered himself a beer, the cool and refreshing feel immediately turning into a warm and rushing feeling in his veins. That was probably what Rei enjoyed about alcohol the most; that he could feel opposite things at the same time. It was such a strange phenomenon and while he was sure it was easily explained, Rei enjoyed not knowing. He preferred the mystery of it, just this once.

Nagisa drank with him, but not as much. Rei had built up quite the resistance, and Nagisa was still a light-weight. He didn't care for the taste of beer like Rei did, either, so he drank lighter, fruitier drinks. Before long, his cheeks were flushed and his words a bit slurred and when he got up to use the restroom, he stumbled a bit, Rei catching him before he fell. They both laughed, the shopkeeper making fun of his clumsiness. As Nagisa stumbled to the restroom, Rei noticed two suspicious men staring at him from a booth in the corner. They sneered, speaking quietly to each other. Rei glared at them, but contained himself, trying not to let it get to him. He knew that he was only feeling confident from the alcohol and that, if he confronted them, he'd just make Nagisa upset. Nagisa came out of the bathroom, walking right past the two men. He stumbled a bit, catching himself on the edge of their table.

"Hey! Watch it, f*ggot! You're gonna spread AIDS to us if you get too close!" one of them yelled, flinching away. The other one laughed a disgusting, gurgling chuckle that made Rei's skin crawl. Nagisa shook his head, surprised by the sudden outburst, but quickly shifted into a sly and flirty smile.

"What's wrong? Jealous your girlfriend can't suck dick as good as me?" The words were so shocking that even Rei's mouth dropped. The shopkeeper let out a howl of laughter, slapping the bar top with his hand and doubling over. The man stood, grabbing Nagisa by his scarf and pulling him close.

" _What did you say?_ Do you want me to kill you, you disgusting excuse of a man?" Rei was already up and out his seat, rushing towards them. The scene had quickly gone from one of disgruntled confrontation to an extreme tenseness.

"LET HIM GO!" Rei yelled out, reaching towards them. The other man grabbed him before he could reach Nagisa, pushing him so hard he fell back and had to catch himself on a chair.

"Well?" the larger man holding Nagisa asked. Nagisa looked stern, confident. It was a rare expression for Nagisa, one of complete seriousness. But Rei could see his hands shaking.

"If you kill me, you'd have a pretty good chance of getting AIDS, don't you think?" The man's eyes squinted further and a sneer rose up on his face. In a single, swift motion, he spit on Nagisa and then threw him to the ground.

"Nagisa!" Rei cried out, reaching out towards him. The shopkeeper suddenly swung out from around the corner where the kitchen headed, a phone in his hand.

"I've already called the police and they will come and arrest you if you do not leave my property immediately!" he threatened. The two men looked down at Rei and Nagisa as Nagisa wiped the spit from his face and Rei fretted about him, checking for injuries.

"Tsk, whatever. We don't want to give our money to someone who supports homos anyhow," said the larger man before turning and heading out, the other man closely behind him. The few people in the shop began to murmur, talking quietly with each other about what they'd just witnessed.

"I'm so very sorry Ryuugazaki-san, Hazuki-san! Please forgive me for allowing such awful people in here, your meal and drinks are on me tonight," the shopkeeper told them as he helped Rei get Nagisa up off the ground.

"It's okay, I'm fine," Nagisa said, waving his hand and brushing it off. He smiled brightly at the shopkeeper, easing his worries. But Rei thought of those shaking hands.

* * *

 

They stayed for a few more drinks, trying to get the incident off their mind. Like promised, the shopkeeper refused their money, even offering them a discount from then on, every time they came in. They both waved as they left, the last people to do so, and the shopkeeper turned his neon "OPEN" sign off. They had already come down from the scare earlier, laughing and chatting as they walked back to Rei's apartment. It was chilly that night, but neither could feel the cold, their cheeks flushed. 

About half way there, Rei was going on about some theory he'd learned recently in school when Nagisa's smile started to fade. He turned to Rei in between sentences, interrupting him.

"Hey, Rei-chan?" he asked quietly. It wasn't usual for Nagisa to be so reserved, and it caught Rei's attention, taking him out of his tirade.

"Yes? What is it, Nagisa-kun?"

"I...Nevermind, it's nothing," he said, shaking his head. Rei frowned, lifting Nagisa's chin up so that their eyes met. Rei's heart skipped a beat as he looked into those swirling pink eyes.

"Nagisa, you know you can tell me anything." Nagisa squirmed, uncomfortable from the serious tone and forced eye contact, but Rei didn't let up.

"I...had another dream. A memory-dream. About us." Rei was taken aback a bit. He hadn't had a dream like that in some time now and had almost forgotten them. "In it, I was the owner of a tattoo parlor and you owned the flower shop next door. I thought you looked so cute in your apron and you always smelled so nice from being around all those flowers. I couldn't resist you and kept pestering you and eventually..." Nagisa blushed at the memory, pausing for a moment. Rei was pretty sure he understood what had happened next.

"Go on," he urged. Nagisa shook his head, continuing.

"Well, eventually, we fell in love. But I got sick and you had to take care of me. I wasn't doing very well, but you were always so positive, so strong. It was really admirable. Then, miraculously, I got better. You were ecstatic," Nagisa's voice lowered, "but then, we were out driving in a car and you fell asleep at the wheel. You'd spent so much energy taking care of me and now that I was better, your body had finally given in. We headed straight towards a big truck..." Rei's stomach had dropped to his feet. He already knew what happened next. But he didn't want to admit it. Not to Nagisa. Not to himself.

"I wasn't scared though. I was sad. Like I knew we were going to be apart. It was the strangest feeling. I don't know why I wasn't scared. I was just...accepting." Rei could suddenly feel the bitter cold of night, and it nipped at his toes and fingers, the ends of his ears and nose. All the warmth he'd had a moment ago now retracted deep into himself and it was as if he could feel the ice in his veins. Tokyo was suddenly silent, for the first time since Rei had moved into the city. Too silent.

"Rei-chan..." Nagisa's voice broke, "Promise me you aren't going anywhere! Promise me you're going to stay right here by my side!" Rei was too stunned to respond, stammering through his frozen lips.

"Nagisa-kun..."

"Please...I love you too much. I can't live without you, Rei," Nagisa said, sniffling. A few tears fell from his cheeks. Rei grabbed Nagisa close, pulling him in towards his chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, Nagisa. I promise."

"I think, in my dream...I think you died, Rei-chan," Nagisa whispered into Rei's chest. Rei's heart tightened. _No, you're wrong_ , he thought. They sat there for a moment, holding each other in the cold night before Rei finally pulled back and kissed Nagisa on the forehead. He took Nagisa's hand and led him back to his apartment. They weren't even through the door before Rei was kissing down Nagisa's neck, already rock-hard. Nagisa moaned, grabbing at Rei's shirt as they fell into the main entryway, Rei closing the door with his foot, Nagisa already undoing his belt buckle.

As they layed there on Rei's futon, both naked and hot, still catching their breath, Rei felt something new. It was an incredibly unpleasant feeling. One he'd felt before, but this time, it was much more intense. It was a forthcoming, a foreshadowing. A deep, dark, bubbling sense of dread rose up through him. But Nagisa kissed his cheek, nuzzling into him, and the dread retracted itself back into Rei's subconscious. 

"I love you, Rei-chan." No matter how many times he heard the words, they never got old.

"I love you too, Nagisa-kun." There, they drifted, into a deep and mostly peaceful sleep. Rei began to dream, and in his dream, he was just waking up. Bright lights shown down upon him. _A hospital?_ His head hurt, his arms hurt, even his legs. In fact, his whole body ached. He turned his head as much as he could to his bedside, unfamiliar people sitting in the chairs. One of them weeped.

"Where...where is he? Where is Nagisa?" he asked. The weeping person sobbed louder. Another person stood, lying their hand on his shoulder.

"He didn't make it."

_You're wrong, Nagisa._

A loud bang suddenly woke them both, Rei snapping out of his dream.

_You were the one who died._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooooo i know i haven't updated this fic in literally AGES and i dont even know how relevant Free! still is or if anyone even still cares about this fic but I DONT CARE i always regretted never fiishing this fic, especially since I was SO CLOSE to having it done. so i am BACK and im gonna FINISH ITTTTTTT i dont even use tumblr anymore ;-; im hoping to whip out the last 2-3 chapters (im trying to decide how many it'll take, but something like that) this upcoming weekend and i might go through and make some edits in other parts of the story and polish it all up.
> 
> if you like my fic, let me know, it motivates me!! if not, thats cool too, im no pro and there are probably a ton of inconsistencies and errors, especially since its been so long since i wrote for this (although i did re-read everything first). thanks for anyone whose stuck around this long and still had this thing bookmarked. 
> 
> -jane


	12. Drowning

Nagisa and Rei sat straight up, staring at the door to Rei's room. It was cracked open ever so slightly, no need to close it in an apartment where only the two of them currently resided. Rei's heart pounded in his chest. Nagisa pulled the covers up beneath his chin, a worried expression on his round face.

"What was that?" Nagisa whispered. They both stared intently at the door, waiting. Then, from the main room, a murmur. Someone knocking into something. There was someone in the house. Neither one breathed.

"How..." Rei said under his breath. And then, he remembered. As they'd come bumbling through the door, stripping each other and desperately reaching towards the other, Rei had closed the door with his foot. He hadn't turned back around to lock it, hadn't bothered to turn the dead bolt. Rei had locked the doors and windows every night since that one incident, especially now that he was in a major city. But last night, he'd been too drunk, too horny, too preoccupied. And now, he was too late.

"What should we do, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked. Rei could hear the fear in Nagisa's words, could see the color leave his cheeks. Even his usually shiny-bright eyes seemed flat and dull, his typical confidence drained. It was a look that Rei hated, one he never wanted Nagisa to have again.

"I'll go check it out," he said. Nagisa clutched onto him.

"No! It could be dangerous! We need to call the police," Nagisa whispered.

"I know, but our phones are both out there and even if we do retrieve them, there's a good chance they'll hear us. They might just be drunk and in the wrong apartment," Rei said, attempting to calm Nagisa's nerves. But even Nagisa could tell he was lying.

"Be careful," he urged. Rei nodded, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on before crawling towards the door. His shoulders shook as he peeked out through the opening in the door. He could hear men laughing, talking quietly. They rummaged about through his things, opening drawers and cabinets. _Another robbery?_ he thought. But the voices were familiar, voices he'd heard before. It was too dark in the hallway to see anything and Rei hadn't grabbed his glasses. He opened the door a little bit more.

"Rei-chan-" Nagisa said, but Rei held his hand up. He needed to see them, to get their features into his mind. The police had managed to catch the last robber by tracking him down at another attempted break-in and were able to verify his identity from Rei's description. He knew that looking them in the face was the only way they would be caught.

"I need to see them," Rei said to Nagisa, carefully leaning out the doorway. Nagisa reached out to him, but pulled back. He was still terrified.

"Rei..." he whimpered. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes. Rei wanted to wipe them away and hold Nagisa, tell him everything would be alright. But he needed to focus on the task at hand.

"It'll be okay," Rei said calmly, "I promise." The door swung open. Rei fell forward as the support from the door suddenly left him and Nagisa let out a small yelp in surprise. A very large, burly man stood before him. _The man at the bar._

"Ah, there you are," the man said, the scent of beer and whiskey drifting down towards them. _He had tracked them there. He had gone to another bar and then come back, waiting in the shadows._ The other man strolled up behind him, smirking. Rei could feel all the blood in his body retract into his core, his soul drifting up and out of his body. His first instinct was to rush to Nagisa, protect him. He didn't get there fast enough.

"NO!" Nagisa cried out, tears now streaming down his cheeks. He was still naked, the covers coming off of him as he leapt forward. The man had grabbed Rei by the hair, yanking him towards the doorway and onto his back. The air left his lungs and he had flashbacks of that first break-in. It was that time all over again, except worse. They weren't here for money or items. Rei wasn't just some nuisance in the way. No, this time, he was the target. And so was Nagisa.

"Did you really think we'd let you live after what you said?" the man said, laughing. He was tall and broad, his hair a wiry mess of black and gray curls. His face was tan and wrinkled, a tooth missing from the top row. The other man was a little thinner, his head shaved bald and with a goatee. He wore a bandanna around his forehead and his laughter sounded like gurgling. Rei grabbed at his scalp where the man still held on, his face scrunching up from the pain. He could still barely breathe.

"Please...he didn't do anything! It was me, leave him be!" Nagisa cried out, breaking into sobs. His entire body shook with fear, his face pained and panicking. Rei struggled against the man's grip, trying to break free and get to Nagisa.

"Oh yeah? You think I'm going to let him go just because he's quiet? I don't think you get it--I hate _all of you_. Every single one of you q*eers!" he yelled. He threw Rei's head from his hand, slamming him into the ground again. Rei quickly bounced up, rushing towards Nagisa and grabbing him into his arms. Rei finally began to cry, both of them gripping onto each other for dear life. "Ugh, I'm going to vomit," the man said, sauntering towards them. He reached in and grabbed Nagisa by the arm, pulling him out of Rei's grasp.

"NO! Please, don't hurt him! He didn't mean it, we were drunk! I'm sorry, we'll do anything, we won't say a word! Please, please just let him go," Rei begged. The man had pulled Nagisa up into a standing position by his arm. He stood there naked and shivering, weaker than Rei had ever seen Nagisa. Nagisa was a very small person, petite, but Rei had never thought much of it. Nagisa's personality had always made him seem so much bigger and stronger, invincible even. Now, Rei saw just how frail he actually was. "Please...," Rei sobbed. The bald man gurgled.

"Hmmm, what do you think we should do with them, Shinobu?" the burly man asked, grinning. He turned towards the bald man who brushed through his goatee. Nagisa still sobbed silently, his small voice cracks and whimpers only slightly heard.

"I think we should probably try to beat it out of them first," Shinobu said, shrugging as if it were just a simple notion. Rei's heart raced, his head pounding. His ears began to ring. The burly man smiled a wicked grin, one that pierced through Rei's stomach, twisting and turning. He thought he was going to puke. Before he could react, the burly man had swung Nagisa around and into the door frame. There was a loud crack as the door frame splintered. Nagisa fell to his knees, blood pouring from his forehead. He no longer sobbed.

"NAGISA!! NO-O! NAGISA!" Rei screamed, rushing towards him again. Something hit him hard in the face and Rei was suddenly staring at the ceiling. His entire face went numb and he could feel something trickling down from his nose. He could hear the two men laughing, that awful, gurgling noise. The ringing in Rei's ears increased as he leaned up. His vision was blurry from not having his glasses, but now everything seemed to double. In the the chaos of it though, he still found Nagisa. Nagisa was breathing, but silent, sitting on his legs, his head bowed down. Blood dripped down and onto his knees. Shinobu grabbed Nagisa by the hair, yanking his head back so that he looked up at him. His face was calm, blood running down his nose and chin, tears down his cheeks. The man raised a fist, bringing it down and slamming it into Nagisa's face. Nagisa fell back and onto the ground. The burly man howled and Rei tried to crawl towards them, unsure of how to move across the ground when everything kept multiplying.

"P-please..." Rei whimpered. The burly man spun around and sneered down at Rei. He pulled a foot back, slamming it into Rei's side. Rei heard a crack and could feel his rib, no, rib _s_ , break. He gasped, but he couldn't get any air into his lungs. The ringing in his ears was almost unbearable, pain rushing through his entire body from the impact. Rei and Nagisa lied there, broken and barely conscious, but alive. The men spit and cursed, their rancid laughter spreading through the room and tarnishing every wall it touched. Rei could see their voices, the brown and crimson colors of them, as they drifted up like smoke and fell like blood, dripping out and down. Rei could feel where their skin had touched his and their diseases spread across the surface of his body like mold. He could feel himself decomposing, his body rotting from the maggots they had laid and hatched on his body. He was so tired. He wanted to curl up with Nagisa under the covers and sleep for eternity. But the ringing in his ears was far too loud.

"Nagisa..." he managed to say, his voice harsh and airy. _Why was it so difficult to speak? To breathe?_ The two men had walked back into the main room, returning to their rummaging. Rei didn't care about his things in the least. They could have it all.

"Nagi...Nagisa...kun..." Rei choked out. He coughed, his chest fighting to rise and fall. Nagisa was silent. Rei's vision had started to even out just a bit and he was able to make out Nagisa's body. He was badly beaten, his nose broken, his face covered in blood. But he could make out the small movements of his chest, hear the shallow breaths he took. Nagisa was alive. Beaten, but alive.

_I'm so sorry Nagisa-kun_ , Rei thought. _I couldn't protect you. I couldn't keep you safe_. Reassured that Nagisa was alive, Rei knew he needed to get a phone and call the police. He would have to crawl into the living room and get a cell phone and then lock himself back in their room without the two men noticing. Rei was pretty sure his lung had collapsed and he wouldn't have time to wait until the men had finished robbing him to call an ambulance. He also wasn't sure of Nagisa's condition and couldn't take that chance. He'd have to get it now.

Rei managed to get up on to his hands and knees, shakily crawling towards the door. He peeked out and down the hall, listening. The two men were going through the bookshelf in his sitting room, talking idly as if they hadn't just beaten the shit out of two young lovers in their own home. Adrenaline rushed through Rei's body as he silently inched froward. Nagisa's phone was in his pant pocket in the hallway from where Rei had stripped them off of him earlier. It was dark in the foyer and Rei's vision was already so impaired, he had to carefully feel about for the pants. He kept his eyes forward towards the men, waiting to see their shadows move in his direction. Closer and closer, Rei's heart thumped in his chest. His toes tingled and his mouth was numb. He held his breath, not wanting the sounds of his labored breathing to attract them. Then, as Rei felt the pants and grabbed the phone, Nagisa, just waking up and in pain and disoriented, cried out.

"Rei-chan?"

Both of the men looked down the hall. There was no avoiding it, no getting away. The burly man had already rushed towards him, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him up. Rei's toes barely scraped the ground and he choked against the man's grip.

"And what is it you think you're doing now, hmm?" he asked Rei. Rei held back the urge to vomit as the man's breath wafted around him. He could feel the beetles and fungus that now grew from where their skin made contact. He gripped at the man's hand, trying to pry his fingers loose, but it was no use. The man walked down the hall with Rei a bit, speaking to him.

"And here we were, deciding to spare you and just take some of your stuff as payment instead. But now? Now you've done it. You should have just stayed in that room with your little ass-fucker." He stopped outside of Rei's room. Nagisa stood in the doorway, watching. The blood on his face was drying and caking on his skin. He looked like the girl in _Carrie_ , an English movie that Rei had watched once. His eyes bugged out from the mask of red, but they were not crazy. In fact, there was no fear. The shaking, fragile boy that Rei had seen earlier, was gone. No, this was a different feeling. A sadness, mourning. It was a look that Rei had seen a dozen times before, but never like this.

_No._

The man reached behind his back and into his pocket.

"Wait, Hideaki, I don't think that's a good idea," Shinobu said from down the hall. Rei's heart stopped as he pulled out a small revolver and held it up to Rei's chin. Nagisa's eyes closed, a solemn look upon him. But there were no tears, no shaking.

_NO._

"You people just really piss me off," the man said, cocking back the hammer.

Everything froze except Nagisa.

Shinobu and Hideaki were frozen. Or, at least, moving so slowly that Rei could not process it. He heard Nagisa take a deep breath. There was no shakiness or broken sounds. Nagisa had realized right then and there that in his dreams, it wasn't Rei that was dying. Rei had never left him, he'd always been there. Nagisa smiled at this, a melancholy happiness spreading warmth through his chest. It always had to end like this. It could never come to anything else.

**_NO!_ **

In a time span of about two seconds, the man had pushed Rei back and pointed the revolver down as if to shoot at Rei's leg or torso. But Nagisa had rushed towards Rei, shoving him hard into the wall. The bullet came coursing through and crushing into Nagisa's chest, who was shorter than Rei. The sound of the bullet was like an explosion, the entire room lighting up from it. But Rei's ears, which had been ringing so loud he couldn't hear Hideaki speak, now stopped ringing completely. In fact, every single sense in Rei's body turned off. His body was numb and his mouth was tasteless. Everything around him tunneled in on Nagisa and he could see nothing else. He could hear nothing, smell nothing. All he knew was Nagisa's body as it slowly fell to the ground.

"N-n...." he gasped, unable to feel his tongue or voice. He didn't feel his legs give out or collapse beneath him. He didn't hear or see Hideaki and Shinobu as they began to speak.

"Oh fuck, I wasn't going to kill him! Oh fuck, oh shit, I don't want to go to jail," Hideaki said.

"We need to get out of here, let's go! Come on! Take the gun, we need to run!" Shinobu said, yanking at Hideaki's arm. Hideaki shook, his eyes wide as he stared at Nagisa's body on the floor. Blood had begun to spill out from the wound, the floor slowly turning into a puddle beneath him. He coughed, blood sputtering and gurgling out from his mouth.

"I didn't...I didn't mean to..." he whispered.

"We need to GO!" Shinobu yelled again. Finally, Hideaki managed to look away, turning and running out with Shinobu as he stuffed the revolver back into his pants. An elderly woman yelled at them as she headed towards the open door to investigate the sound, but the two men were gone before anyone could stop them.

"Rei....chan..." Nagisa said, coughing out more blood as he spoke. Rei's body crawled towards Nagisa instinctively. Tears were pouring from his eyes, air pumping in and out of his one good lung too fast for any oxygen to be retrieved. His hands hovered over Nagisa, who looked almost unrecognizable. Nagisa raised a hand and gingerly cupped Rei's cheek. Rei grabbed his wrist and then suddenly the world came slamming back into him. Every sense turned back on at once. He could feel pain and hear sirens, smell gunpowder and taste blood. Rei screamed out as he grabbed Nagisa close to him, every single dream-memory slamming into his conscious like waves. They took him under and back out again, over and over. People had gathered at the entrance of the apartment, looking in. Many of them covered their mouths as Rei screamed, some of them talking to police on the phone.

"NAGISA! Na-Nagisa please, oh god, please no, please," he begged between sobs. He pleaded and cried but no matter how much he tried, the memory of Nagisa's face as he accepted death over and over again played in Rei's head like an endless loop. _How many times? How many times had they done this?_ There were so many more moments now that he hadn't even dreamed, memories that had been so deep that only reliving them could make them resurface.

"Rei," Nagisa whispered. His voice was so weak. "Rei, listen to me." Rei could not stop his sobs, but he tried to contain them.

"Nagisa-kun, yes, what is it? I'm here, I can hear you. Oh god."

"Rei-chan...we knew,"

"NO! No, we were supposed to stop it! We were supposed to end the cycle, we were, we-" Rei stopped for he couldn't breathe. His head pounded.

"No, Rei-chan...we weren't. This....this is our destiny...over and over we will live this scene...I don't know why, but I feel there is a reason," Nagisa's voice faded more and more which each passing moment. There was so much blood already on the floor, but the stream had slowed down. The sirens were closer.

"But why?" Rei asked, his voice breaking. Nagisa smiled.

"Something from a long time ago. I don't know why either...but what I do know is that I'd do it again," Rei's breath stilled. His headache started to subside, replaced instead by a light-headedness. "I'd live this moment over and over again if it meant I could fall in love with you. If this is the sacrifice I must make...I will always make it for you. I love you, Rei-chan."

"Why did you do it? Why did you push me?" Rei whispered.

"I had to take responsibility. Remember?" Nagisa smiled a weak smile, but it was still Nagisa's. It was a smile that had lit up Rei's heart like a sun. Those pink eyes, diluted, but still shining, looked deep into Rei's own. He could see his own reflection in them, a bloodied, broken mess. _Let me stay right there_ , he thought. _Let me never leave these eyes again._

"I love you more than anything, Nagisa," Rei cried. Nagisa's smile widened just a bit as he closed his eyes. His hand slowly drifted down and away from Rei's cheek and his body slowly slumped beneath Rei.

"Rei-chan...you're so...beautiful..." Nagisa's hand fell to the floor beside him and his smile finally faded.

"Nagisa? Nagisa-kun? NAGISA!" Rei screamed. But Nagisa did not open his eyes. He hadn't noticed the sirens right outside or the crowd of people by the door. His head was so light and the memories crashed over him again and again and finally, Rei could not come back up. He floated down in them, deep into a darkness below. His lids became heavy and he wavered back and forth before falling forward onto Nagisa's chest. EMT's rushed towards them, grabbing Rei's shoulder. They spoke, but he could not hear their words. He was already too far under the waves.

"Nagisa...kun..." and then he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry ;-;


	13. Goodnight You

He couldn't do it. He couldn't lift him up upon his shoulders and carry him. It was too difficult. Makoto placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Rei. We've got him." Rei knew he was crying, but he had become so accustomed to the tears running down his face that he could no longer sense them. His eyes felt dry, and yet, he never seemed to stop. He was sure all the water in his body must be gone.

"We should probably get going," Rin said. His voice was so soft, so calm. It didn't even sound like Rin. Haru and Makoto looked at each other and nodded. 

"We could ask Sosuke perhaps?" Makoto asked Rin. Rin pondered for a moment and then nodded.

"Mmm. He'd do it." Rei formed his hand into a fist.

"I...I want to...I just..." he couldn't finish his sentence. He gripped at his side, where his ribs were carefully wrapped. His chin had needed stitches. He'd broken three ribs and, as he suspected, his left lung had collapsed. He still had a few lingering bruises around his neck. _Fungus_ , he thought.

"No, Rei, you're still too weak. And even if you weren't, Nagisa..." Makoto looked away, biting his lip. A tear fell down his cheek. "Nagisa was more than just a friend to you. You shouldn't have to do this. No one is expecting you to." Rei's tears fell silently. He didn't know how to truly cry anymore, only how to leak. He was a broken faucet and nothing more. Everyone was silent as Makoto wiped his tears and Rei let his flow.

"I'll go talk to Sosuke," Rin said, his head bowed. His voice trembled. Haru nodded and Rin left the room. 

"I'm going to go talk to the pastor. I'll be right back," Makoto choked out before turning to leave. Rei only nodded. Haru stood there looking at a wall for a bit before he finally walked over and sat next to Rei.

"Here," he said, grabbing something out from the inside pocket of his suit. He shoved a shiny metal flask against Rei's chest.

"No, I-" but Haru held up a hand.

"Take it. No point in pretending you don't want to," Haru said. Even Haru seemed more subdued than usual, his voice soft and gentle. Rei took it from him gingerly, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig without checking it. _Ah, rum_. He was filled with an instant streak of warmth, a feeling that seemed almost foreign to Rei now. Rei had not felt anything but coldness, like a deep ocean in winter, for the last three weeks. He wiped his mouth before taking another swig. _Is this what it was like?_ he wondered. _Had he already forgotten what Nagisa's presence had felt like within him? Was it like this?_ He was too deep under the waves to even try remembering.

"Ah," Rei said, looking up at the ceiling. His eyes were bloodshot, deep circles forming under them. He had a large bandage on his chin. He'd missed a spot shaving.

"Rei," Haru said. His voice was so incredibly quiet, like a caress. Like a tip-toe around a dangerous area, a silent parent as they checked on their child asleep in bed. "I'm sorry." Rei gripped his hand into a fist again. He didn't want this. He didn't want apologies and sorrow and mournful words. He didn't want pity or compassion. Rei wanted nothing; except one thing. Rei just wanted to die.

"It was my fault," he whispered, his voice raspy from the bad lung, quivering with anger. Haru said nothing, only looked at him. "I should have locked the door. Should have waited until they left. Then...I'd be the one who would've died, not-" Rei couldn't say it. Couldn't admit it.

"Rei, you're an idiot." Haru said. Rei looked at him, his eyes still leaking. "Nagisa wouldn't want you to think this way, to say those things. You know that!" Haru's voice raised, a low anger in there that Rei had never heard before. His voice broke ever so slightly at the end. Haru's eyes glossed over and tears welled up, but he looked away before Rei could see them fall. His hands shook ever so slightly.

"I know," Rei said, looking down, "but it doesn't matter. Nothing does anymore." Rei stood, taking a long drink from the flask once more before returning it to Haru. He stumbled a bit as he walked towards the door, the mix of exhaustion and now slight intoxication inhibiting his usual fluidity. He dragged his feet down the corridor and towards the main room from which the procession would begin. Rin and Sosuke were walking down the hall towards him, talking quietly.

"Rei?" Rin asked as he approached. Rei ignored him, pushing through them both. "Hey!" Rin said, but he didn't stop him. Rei turned right and into the corridor towards the bathroom. He slammed the door open, collapsing at the foot of a toilet and vomiting. He wasn't sure if it was the rum or his nerves. Likely both.

* * *

 

The service was full, as Nagisa had been a popular and friendly person. His sisters and parents cried the loudest, heard well over the words of the priest. Many people left offerings and flowers around the casket. Nagisa's father came up and spoke, as did Makoto and some other people. Rei clutched the piece of paper holding a speech in his hand. He hadn't planned to speak, but Nagisa's mother had begged him. There was no hiding their relationship anymore, due to the nature of the crime. Nagisa had not even made it out of the apartment. They had announced it right there in that hallway where he lay, naked, broken, and covered in blood. Rei had passed out from the lack of oxygen from his collapsed lung. He'd been carried off to an ambulance and didn't wake up for three days.

> _"Where's Nagisa?"_

_Ah, that scene again. How many times have I woken up in a hospital bed and asked that?_

> _"He didn't make it."_

"Rei Ryuugazaki, partner to the deceased, will now come and say a few words." Rei could feel the eyes in the room turn towards him. He looked down, his hair covering his face. His mind was still swirling under a deep, dark ocean of memories and pain. He rose slowly, the crinkled piece of paper that held a random assortment of words in his fist. He sauntered towards the pedestal up front. Everyone was silent, even his sisters and mother. Rei cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy.

"Nagisa-kun..." he trailed. He didn't look at the people in front of him. He didn't look at Nagisa's weeping family or the underclassmen from their swim team at Iwatobi. He didn't look at Haru, Rin, Makoto, Sasuke, or anyone else from their close knit friend group, as they struggled to remain strong. Rei looked past them all and at a small display in the back of the room. Flowers and candles, people in black--none of this felt like it was for Nagisa. Nagisa was the color yellow, the smell of spring, and taste of sugar. He was sunflowers and daisies, not roses and lilacs. He was the star in a vast, endless, and mostly empty universe in which Rei revolved around. He was life itself, and now, Rei could feel nothing but that cold, empty, black hole in his place. This funeral, these crying faces, this feeling of hopelessness; none of this was him. Nagisa could be found nowhere in this stale, cold room.

"...was my sun."

 

* * *

 

 

Haru, Rin, Makoto, and Sosuke lifted his casket up and towards the hearse. People wept as they passed by. Rin and Makoto cried as they carried him, Haru and Sosuke looking down. Kou stood next to Rei, weeping quietly into a handkerchief. Rei could not cry anymore, only leak. He looked up at the clear, blue sky above. The sun was so dull, so far away.

Rei did not go to the passing of the bones or the cremation. He couldn't. Instead, Rei went home to his parent's house in Iwatobi. He couldn't go back to the apartment. It had turned into a crime scene and, even after that, he could not live there again, set foot there. He had to postpone his semester, but his parents did not protest. For the first week after the funeral, Rei did nothing. He did not eat. When he slept, he only had nightmares. Sometimes, it was the old memories. Sometimes, it was the night of the break-in. But the worst ones were the happy ones. The ones of them cuddling, laughing, having sex. They left Rei gasping and choking, his chest like needles and acid and salt swirling around when he awoke. His parents tried to cook for him, to comfort him, but nothing would work. His brother even came home, but it was pointless. Rei could rot away right there in that room for all he cared. He was sure the mold on his skin would get rid of him soon enough anyhow.

A week after the funeral, Rei had to go to a check-up at the hospital. His mother knocked on his door that morning, cracking it open sightly so she could speak to him.

"Rei?" she asked timidly. He did not roll over or respond. "Rei, honey, we need to go to the doctor. The stitches in your chin may be ready to come out." Rei did not move for a awhile. Then, finally, slowly, he rolled over and slowly lifted himself up and off the bed. He put on his glasses, combing his fingers through his dirty, tangled hair. He grabbed a sweatshirt from the floor and pulled it over his head. His mother held back tears as she watched her son now act like someone she didn't know. He was a mess, dirty, his face unshaven. Rei, a man who had taken pride in his organizational skills and cleanliness, now disintegrated into a human barely alive. But she couldn't bring herself to tell him to take care of himself. 

As they drove, Rei's mom tried to speak with him, but he was unresponsive. The hospital was in the next town over, so it would take a little while to get there. She gripped the steering wheel, debating whether she should discuss it with him. But she knew he needed to know.

"The trial," she said, her voice unsure, "it's scheduled for the 7th of May." Rei tensed up, but did not look at his mom. They had caught both of the men after just a day or two. Their fingerprints had been all over Rei's things. Hideaki had come clean, admitting to everything. They had showed Rei the confession as the once intimidating man broke down crying in the small room where they interrogated him.

" _Get this away from me_ ," Rei had growled. His voice had still been tentative, nothing but airy whispers until that point, but a deep, darker demon from within him had risen in that moment. His mother had cried when she heard it, unlike anything she'd ever seen. She had realized at that moment in the hospital, that her son would have killed Hideaki without hesitation, if given the opportunity. He would have felt no remorse. That was the power of his hatred and pain.

"They want you to testify," she whispered. She was afraid to see who her son would become if he was in the same room as them. Rei looked out the window. She waited, sweat beading on her forehead.

"Very well then," he said. His voice was flat, emotionless. She sighed a breath of relief, glad he hadn't lost himself, but a nervousness still sat in the pit of her stomach. Her son was still not there beside her. They arrived shortly after this, the nurse waiting for them as they walked in. She rushed them back to the doctor, who gave Rei a full examination. He replaced the bandages on Rei's side where his ribs were still healing. The stitches in his chin were ready to come out, just as his mother had predicted. It would still be a few more weeks before his ribs were fully healed. The doctor prescribed him some pain medicine and sent him on his way. They stopped at a drugstore on the way to pick up the prescription from the pharmacy there.

"Ah, this will take about 30 minutes to fill, if that's okay?" the tech said to them.

"Well, I suppose I could pick up a few things while I'm here," his mother said. "If you need anything, get it now, Rei." He nodded at her as she grabbed a basket and walked off. Rei wandered around the store, picking up random things from the shelves and putting them back. Nothing garnered a reaction out of him. As he wandered about, he played with the ring on his finger. _I wonder what they did with his?_ Rei thought. He had to hold back his tears.

"Ah,maybe this one?" a boy said to another quietly in the next aisle over. Rei looked through the shelves at them. One boy with short red hair looked around nervously as he slipped a bottle of vodka into his school jacket. The other boy looked around just as nervously. He looked young for his age, with round cheeks and wide eyes. His hair was a bit shaggy and blonde. Rei's heart crushed in on itself and then inflated back out.  _Ah, he reminds me of him._

"What are you doing?" Rei asked. He had walked around and into the aisle so that he was behind them. Both of them jumped and yelled, surprised by Rei's quiet approach. Rei was technically too young to buy alcohol, but Japan was not very strict about carding people and with Rei's height and build, most people took him for being in his early twenties. "I can buy it for you," he offered. Both the boys looked shocked and then, excited. The red hair one gleamed up at Rei.

"Really?!" he asked. Rei shrugged.

"Sure. But you have to promise me you won't steal anymore. If you want to drink alcohol, then tell them it's for your parents. They'll sell it to you. Use your allowance, but don't just take it." Both boys looked down sheepishly, but murmured in agreement. Rei looked at the bottle they had planned to take and put it back, picking up something a little better and less harsh. "Here, this is good with juice. That other stuff will make you sick," he said, showing it to them. They both nodded, taking mental note of the brand. The blonde looked up at Rei, his brown eyes sparkling.

"Thank you, mister!" he said. Rei bit his lip, looking away. _Why was he doing this?_ He looked back at the shelf and grabbed a bottle of rum for himself before heading to the cashier. As predicted, the cashier didn't even blink at him, ringing up both drinks and handing him the bag. The unshaven face probably helped as well. He met the two boys out front and handed them their vodka. They thanked him multiple times before taking off. Rei sat on the bench by the door, looking down into his bag at the single bottle of rum. He thought about drinking with Nagisa, how he'd hated the taste of straight hard liquor, but loved rum-based drinks. Rei gripped the bag, a few tears falling down onto his hands.

"Rei?" his mother called from the door. He closed the bag and wiped his tears, looking up at her. "Your prescription is ready." They drove home in silence, Rei looking out the window at the passing trees. When they got home, his mother began preparing a meal that he knew he wouldn't eat. He took his medication and rum into his room, falling down onto his mattress. He stared at the bottle, reading the directions.

> _Take 2 every 4-6 hours. Do not take more than 12 in a 24 hour period. Do not mix with alcohol._

Rei rolled his eyes, opening the bottle and swallowing down two pills with a swig of rum. He didn't care if it killed him. A rush of warmth ran through his veins and to the core of his body. It was the closest to feeling anything he'd had since the incident. He stared up at the ceiling fan as it spun around slowly, taking small drinks here and there straight from the bottle. Every time the warmth dissipated, he'd take another drink. His vision slowly blurred over and the usual constant headache he had, fell away. His stomach spun around in circles, but there was nothing in it for him to puke up. When his mom called him for dinner, he tried to stand, but fell forward and onto the floor. His mother rushed into the room when she heard him crash into the floor. His head was moving back and forth at what seemed the speed of sound. He spilled rum on the carpet as he tried to get back up.

"Oh, Rei," his mother cried. She rushed to him and tried to pick him up, but he pushed her away.

"No, I'm fine," he slurred. He managed to get back on the bed, his upper body swaying back and forth. He took another drink from the now half-empty bottle. His mother looked at her poor, lost son before she turned, a sob slipping out, and left him there in the dark room, alone, and drunk.

* * *

For the next several months following Nagisa's funeral, Rei spent his days drinking, taking pain medication, and sleeping. Sometimes he'd eat, but his food usually did not last long before he puked it back up. Sometimes he'd wander out of the house and fall into ditches and ravines, in alleyways and on the sides of streets. Neighbors and police had come accustomed to finding him in strange places and the liquor store in town had stopped selling him alcohol. He would steal money from his parents and take a bus over to the neighboring town and buy it there, sometimes drinking it before he even got home. The trial came and Rei testified like he'd promised, but he was so drunk, it was thrown out. Regardless, there was enough evidence to put both of the men in prison for the rest of their lives. He'd tried to attack Hideaki when he entered the courtroom, throwing his shoes, pens, and anything he could get a hold of. The police had dragged him out, putting him in a holding cell for 24 hours so he could sober up. He'd spent the first half crying and sleeping and the second half puking. Sometimes a little blood would come up, the mix of pain medication and alcohol straining the lining of his stomach and thinning his blood. His parents begged him to get help, but he refused.

When Nagisa's birthday came around, Rei got so drunk, that he had to be taken to the hospital. His brother finally convinced his parents to kick him out of their home and stop supporting him. Rei began to steal booze from the shops until he was caught. The manager had pitied him and let him go, so long as he never stepped foot inside again. He began begging people to buy him booze and medication, sleeping on benches and in parks. Eventually, Makoto caught wind of Rei's situation and came and took him back to his apartment in Tokyo. Rei slept the entire time, a car ride that took several hours. He tossed and turned in his seat, nightmares still plaguing his mind. Makoto gripped the steering wheel, a mix of anger, sadness, and guilt running through his mind. _How could he have let his friend get like this?_ He'd called Haru and picked him on the way. Rei slept in the backseat, Haru in the passenger seat. Rin was training in the US, so he wouldn't be able to join them.

When they arrived, they woke Rei up and dragged him out of the car. They had to stop and let him puke in the alleyway next to Makoto's apartment complex. Rei shook as he awoke, his body withdrawing. He hadn't been this sober for such a long time, that his body forgot how to react. Every muscle and joint ached, his head pounded and his heart didn't seem to beat right. When Rei thought he couldn't puke anything else up, he puked more, puking up blood and stomach acid and eventually, air. He dry heaved until he was sure his stomach had detached and would come up and out next. He smelled of sweat, dirt, piss, and booze. Makoto looked away, his face scrunched in disgust and Haru helped hold back Rei's now overgrown hair. When he could finally heave no more, Rei shook and shivered, his body colder than it'd ever been. Everything in him hurt. Makoto and Haru dragged him up and into the apartment, lying him down on the small couch in Makoto's living room.

"I'll get him some water," Haru offered. The irritation and pity in his face made Rei want to sink down and below the ground and into the dirt. Haru set the glass on the table next to him, pulling a blanket up over him. 

"Haru, come here and help me get rid of this stuff. We have to make sure there isn't any in the room," Makoto said, a few liquor bottles in his arms. Haru nodded and began going through Makoto's fridge, grabbing beer and sake and throwing it into a garbage bag. Rei watched them meticulously. His stomach ached for it, his mind begging him for the warmth and numbness of booze and painkillers. _Please_ , he thought, _it's the only way I can feel him again. Feel his warmth, feel his sunlight._

"That's everything in here," Haru said to Makoto. Makoto nodded and grabbed the bag, tying it up and lugging it down to the dumpster below. Haru sat on the ground in front of Rei about 6 feet back. He shook his head.

"Damn it, Rei."

* * *

 

For the next three days, Rei puked and shook and cried. Without the alcohol or medication, his entire body hurt. He could think too clearly, remember too well. His nightmares got worse, forcing him to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Haru would wake up from where he slept on a futon across the room and would comfort Rei until he fell back asleep. He would get fevers and sometimes Makoto wondered if they should take him to a hospital, but Haru would shake his head and insist they stay there. Eventually, Rei's headaches began to subside. His shaking slowly ceased and he didn't puke. He kept down water and bread, working his way up to more full meals. He was thin, having lost a lot of weight from the lack of food. Eventually, he was able to stand and Haru and Makoto helped him to the bath. They watched him as he shaved and combed his hair. It was so long, he managed to put it into a small bun, a few loose strands sticking out the front and sides. When Rei was able to sit up and eat, they finally sat down with him in the living room.

"Rei," Makoto began. Rei would not look them in the eyes. He stared down at his feet. He still felt small aches here and there and his fingers twitched, every vein in his body rushing, looking for the release of alcohol. Although it was only just the end of the summer, he was wrapped in a sweater and blankets. He was always so cold. "Rei, we have to talk about it."

"No," he said. He didn't look up. Makoto sighed.

"Rei, look, we know it was hard. It was hard for all of us. Nagisa was our friend. But we have to move on. We have to do it for him." Rei clenched his teeth, fighting back his anger and tears. He hadn't felt his own emotions so strongly in months. "Rei, plea-"

"Leave me alone!" Rei burst out. A few tears betrayed him, falling down his cheeks. Makoto recoiled, a pained look on his face. Rei thought back to when he was eating alone at lunch, to when he was content with that. _I never should have joined the swim team._

"Rei, you can't do this to yourself! You will die!" Makoto yelled back.

"I hope I do!" Rei yelled back, finally looking up. Makoto let a few tears go, his hands in fists at his side. "I don't care if I die. There is no Hell worse than this. If I die, it'll be better than this," Rei's voice got quieter as he spoke, floating off and away from him. Rei wasn't sure where he truly was anymore. 

"Damn it!" Makoto yelled, hitting the wall hard with a fist. He cried hard, his face turning red. Rei's expression was flat, emotionless, as he watched Makoto cry over him. Before either he or Makoto could react, Haru suddenly stood and slapped Rei hard across the face. It threw his glasses off and onto the couch. Rei grabbed at his cheek in surprise. The sting was a different pain than the soreness of withdrawal or a broken rib. It was real, soluble. For just a split second, Rei's head came up above the surface of the dark waves. 

"Haru-" Makoto said, surprised. Haru's shoulder's shook as he stood there in front of Rei, his hair covering his face.

"You're a fucking idiot," he said, a deep anger and pain in his voice. A few tears ran down his cheeks as he looked up.

"Wha-" Rei began, but he was interrupted by Haru grabbing his shoulders.

"Nagisa loved you. If he heard you talking like this, he'd be so upset, he'd cry. Nagisa is _dead_ , Rei. He's _dead_. He isn't here anymore and there is nothing you can do about that!" he shouted. Rei's head spun and his stomach lurched. His heart could not be found. He hated hearing those words, hearing the truth. He still hadn't said it, admitted it to himself. He'd looked at his phone, waiting for an emoji, a picture from the zoo. He'd watched his doorway and window, waiting for Nagisa to surprise him and appear. But the messages never came. No rocks were thrown at his window, no surprises at the door.

"Please..." Rei begged. He was holding back sobs.

"He. Is. Dead." Haru's gaze pierced through him. Rei finally broke down, every part of him that was already broken now disintegrating. But something new began to happen. "But you know what you can do for him? You can _live_. You can _survive_." The dark waters in Rei's heart washed up his dust and ashes and began to collect them along the shore. The sand began to solidify and form. A small light came through and from it, a shadow walked forward.

"Live...for us, Rei. For him," Haru said, his voice finally breaking. His hands gripped hard onto Rei's shoulders, his fingernails digging into his skin. His arms shook and finally, Haru collapsed into Rei and sobbed into his chest. Rei cried out, the broken and pained scream of a man as his soul suddenly ripped back through the surface. It was the same scream of a man dying, and being born. Makoto sobbed behind them, finally joining in, all three of them holding each other and crying. The shadow in Rei's mind came into light. It was Haru and, behind him, came Makoto and Rin. His family and underclass teammates, all the people in his life who had been there for him up until this point. They began to pick up his ashes and build. A small mound soon turned into a form and when they were done, Rei's body, his soul, stood there, reborn and alive.

"H-He's d-dead," Rei sobbed. "Nagisa is dead."

That night was the first night since Nagisa's death that Rei did not have a nightmare. He slept for 13 hours.


End file.
